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Urgent advice please - my date has booked us into one room!

(74 Posts)
sparkybint Thu 01-Oct-09 19:47:05

Had a wonderful first date with new man last Saturday, couldn't have been better. Am seeing him tomorrow night - he said he'd book a hotel because we live a bit of a way from eachother and assured me separate rooms of course - I felt comfortable with this and agreed.

Now I've just had a text saying he's booked just the one room and told me how much it cost! (a lot). He said "do you trust me enough to share, if not it's no problem for me to book another one". I have an awful sinking feeling, was really looking forward to seeing him but now? What do I do? I'm certainly not agreeing to the one room and I don't even know if I want to meet him at all now. Should I tell him how disappointed I am?

Anniegetyourgun Thu 01-Oct-09 19:48:25


Next question.

DONTtouchMUMSspecialJUICE Thu 01-Oct-09 19:50:25

yes, deffo tell him you are uncomfortable with this.

surely there is other cheaper hotels.

CayPeag Thu 01-Oct-09 19:51:37

Sounds like a setup to me - if you can't afford that hotel, tell him so - let him find a cheaper one. And don't drink so you can drive/run away fast if necessary grin

warthog Thu 01-Oct-09 19:51:44

say 'yes, please, book another room.'

it's a bummer i must admit.

ilovemydogandmrobama Thu 01-Oct-09 19:52:27

He thinks you should trust him after one date? hmm

kif Thu 01-Oct-09 19:52:53

Err - well, obviously communicate - but wouldn't twin beds go 75% of the way to solving the problem? Assuming he can be 'trusted' - but if he can't be trusted you should get rid of him in any case.

Remember - men can be very pragmatic where women might view everything in terms of 'hidden meanings'.

I have some sympathy with preferring a nicer hotel shared spacious room, versus two grotty rooms in a flea-pit.

tribpot Thu 01-Oct-09 19:53:11

Set up.

He assured you of separate rooms. For a second date?? Mandatory.

Demand the second room.

TheWheelsOnTheBusHaveFallenOff Thu 01-Oct-09 19:56:03

that's not great is it - particularly as his question is "do you trust me?" - so puts you in an invidious position, you say no it's not all right = you don't trust him.

if you say yes, you do trust him - but you give out the sign that you're prepared to share a room with him when you hardly know him, and he may well think this means he's in with a chance of getting mor from you. and if he doesn't try anything, do you really want to share the rather intimate space of a hotel room and bathroom with a man you have met once? you wouldn't want to share with a male colleague would you?

if you are keen to see him, perhaps text back saying "not a matter of whether I trust you, but we don't know each other that well yet and I would not be comfortable with sharing a room. can we find two rooms in a less expensive hotel?"

Winebeforepearls Thu 01-Oct-09 19:59:30

Agree, at best thoughtless, otherwise manipulative and a bleedin' liberty.

BitOfFun Thu 01-Oct-09 20:03:46

Even if you trust him (and yes, he is being disingenuous at best), sharing a room is very intimate, isn't it? I mean, snoring, seeing you put make-up on, in your pjs etc etc.

It's gotta be a no.

poshsinglemum Thu 01-Oct-09 20:16:52

He wants a shag. if you do too the fine. If not then insist on seperate rooms.

groundhogs Thu 01-Oct-09 20:23:28

Hmm, er, no... way too forward.. not at all appropriate.

Either find a cheaper hotel, or cancel it all together. Sounds too full on, too fast.

Lishylooloo Thu 01-Oct-09 20:24:20

honestly it's tacky to tell how much the room cost and to put you in that position of having to show whether you trust him or not - you've only been on one date! He should have chosen a cheaper hotel and booked tow rooms like he said he would. I'd tell him book another room if you still feel like going that is...

sparkybint Thu 01-Oct-09 20:28:09

Thanks ladies, I def don't want a shag and the idea of doing all the intimate stuff (teeth brushing etc) with a man I hardly now does not appeal.

I've texted him and said exactly what Wheels suggested and that he call me so we can talk about it - I hate this sort of thing over text. I was SO looking forward to a romantic dinner, maybe coffee and liquers in one of our rooms and then a definite goodnight.

QuintessentialShadow Thu 01-Oct-09 20:33:12

Alarm bells would be ringing. Very disingenious and disrespectful.

Jux Thu 01-Oct-09 20:34:28

I'd suddenly find I had a prior engagement and couldn't go.

SqueezyCheese Thu 01-Oct-09 20:39:52

Set up.

Are you supposed to be grateful that the room is so expensive, maybe like you 'might' owe him something?

TheWheelsOnTheBusHaveFallenOff Thu 01-Oct-09 20:41:25

let us know how you get on - good luck! he may have just misjudged things but be on your guard for him making you feel bad about the ££ and giving in for example.

if you do go, with separate rooms, dinner and coffee as you planned I would suggest you go to his room for drinks (making it clear that you will not be staying there) because then you can take the iniative to leave rather than have to ask him to go when you think that the evening should end.

FabBakerGirlIsSURVIVED Thu 01-Oct-09 20:43:32

Telling you how much it cost is just awful and to me puts you in the position he hopes - where you can't say no.

I would finish it now tbh. Plenty more men out there.

FabBakerGirlIsSURVIVED Thu 01-Oct-09 20:44:34

If he has booked a hotel near you as he lives so far away, why don't you stay at home and leave him in the hotel - if you want to carry on seeing him after his trick?

sparkybint Thu 01-Oct-09 20:47:06

He's just texted me to say sorry, he "totally understands about the room thing". But I think it's crap the way he told me how much it cost - he was the one who suggested it in the first place!

I think I'll speak to him anyway, easier to sort this over the phone than by text. Will report back later...

FabBakerGirlIsSURVIVED Thu 01-Oct-09 21:05:53

Just remember how he made you feel.

Do you want to see him again?

Lishylooloo Thu 01-Oct-09 21:11:29

Well the only thing he can do is say he feels bad unless he kept was a real d*ck and kept insisting... I think I'd get rid of him, too many alarm bells going off already... plenty more fish in the sea...

Jux Thu 01-Oct-09 21:15:36

Please ring the hotel before you leave (if you go at all) and make absolutely damn sure there are two rooms. When you arrive wherever it is, go straight to the hotel and collect YOUR room key checking that there are indeed two. If not, go home again.

I wouldn't be going. I say this with the benefit of hindsight and old age, because of course, if I were still young and single I wouldn't be taking any of those precautions and I have landed myself in big trouble.

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