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how to get rid of a crush.

(19 Posts)
wheniwishuponastar Thu 01-Oct-09 13:16:54

I have a massive crush on someone. My boyfriend was working one night and i met this man at a party. we talked all night, when i left i was quite drunk and texted him. he has a girlfriend. he sent me really complimentary texts.

anyway, i am engaged to be married and am buying a house with my partner.

its just i have a massive crush on this other bloke. he is so beautiful. he texted me for a while asking me out. but i said no because i was sober.

how do you stop fancying someone?

i've been with my partner for 8 years. i kind of miss the newness of fancying someone. and this man is completely gorgeous.

help!

fishflange Thu 01-Oct-09 13:23:09

I think everyones feels like this at least once. You recognise it as a crush, so enjoy a little fantasy and get on with RL.
On girls getogether we frquently talk abou that lovely newness and excitement. Long term relationships can be boring and hard work, but at the end of the day, even sexy crush boys will turn into miserable old gits once you've had them a while grin

wheniwishuponastar Thu 01-Oct-09 13:29:24

haha that made me laugh. girl getogether - is that a forum?

southeastastra Thu 01-Oct-09 13:40:17

should be grin

i have a crush on john cusack i watch him online all day long sometimes shock

wheniwishuponastar Thu 01-Oct-09 13:45:10

mmm i like luke wilson

UnquietDad Thu 01-Oct-09 13:47:45

According to Iain Banks, to crush a crush you have to think about the person doing something unpleasant, like picking their toenails or farting or going to the toilet.

Of course if the fact that they are a bit "dirty" is part of the attraction, this may not work... hmm

wheniwishuponastar Thu 01-Oct-09 13:53:44

thanks unquiet dad. i'll give it a go. but also this does reveal why its hard to compare my partner with this crush, because i've seen my boyfriend do all these disgusting things - even though i ask him explicitely NOT to because it puts me off!!!!!!

Aussieng Thu 01-Oct-09 13:55:14

FWIW, I found buying a house for the first time with a partner V V stressful and house-buying is much harder now. Combine that with planning a wedding and anyone would have jitters and see the grass as greener. You need to assess if this is just a wobble or something of a deeper problem.

Think of what it would do to DP if you followed through? Think what your friends/family might say?

Is that something you could live with?

Even if "yes" I suggest you exit your existing relationship first - much less hurtfull all round.

If not - then cut all contact with this guy and concentrate on John Cussack/Luke Wilson or some such for a while for your fantasies!!

southeastastra Thu 01-Oct-09 13:55:35

try and focus the crush on luke wilson instead, fantasy crushes are alot more safe (and fun as you can look at them all you like!) than rl ones.

(sounds like a celebrity stalker) grin

ConFuschias Thu 01-Oct-09 13:57:29

He may be gorgeous but he's a total arse. He has a girlfriend, he knows you are engaged but yet he is still pursuing you.

Men like that are usually so self-absorbed that they are shit in bed.

So def not worth risking yours and your fiance's happiness.

wheniwishuponastar Thu 01-Oct-09 14:07:14

yeah that's probably true. though it kind of means i'm an arse as well. (which i know )
i've heard from other people that he is a complete flirt and tries it on with loads of people - though whether he actually does anything is another thing.

to be honest, the one thing that stops me doing anything is the fact that he's three years younger than me. my partner is already 9 months younger than me and that's as young as i think i want to go.

i find it very frustrating to just fancy someone (even like owen/luke wilson) and not do something. i just find it a total waste of time... and wish i could think of something else to think about instead!!!!!

southeastastra Thu 01-Oct-09 14:11:26

it is frustrating but that's what makes us human, the ability to do nothing about it.

it will probably subside, i've found i get more crushes the older i've got!

Aussieng Thu 01-Oct-09 14:20:02

If he tries it on loads and people know about this, think how embarrassing it would be if everyone knew that you were the one to fall for his sh*t. Frankly that would kill it dead for me.

wheniwishuponastar Thu 01-Oct-09 14:22:57

this party was ages ago. i think i dreamt about him last night. it is probably to do with anxiety about buying the house etc.

i went to another party at the same house and was a bit anxious that he would be there. what i would say. and what would happen if my boyfriend did come to the party. well, neither of them came. although the brother of the beautiful man did. and a couple of people that work with him.

i'm pretty sure that if we were ever all in the same room, this beautiful man would be far too cool to do anything that would reveal anything. that is another part of his appeal, he's very cool (apparently).

anyway, after the party i did admit it to my partner, but he didn't say much about it.

i read somewhere that you should be friends with your crush, so that you see them as real people rather than a fantasy. but im guessing that only counts when neither of you are already with other people.

its annoying, because if we haven't have had that text flirtation then i probably could have been 'friends' with him. but its probably beyond that now.

wheniwishuponastar Thu 01-Oct-09 14:24:57

"If he tries it on loads and people know about this, think how embarrassing it would be if everyone knew that you were the one to fall for his sh*t. Frankly that would kill it dead for me."

yeah, good point. it should have that effect on me. usually it would. anyway, will try to focus on that until it works!!!!

ConFuschias Thu 01-Oct-09 14:28:47

agree with Aussieng. you'll be seen as a complete mug.

ConFuschias Thu 01-Oct-09 14:30:55

am frankly amazed your partner was so cool about it.

how would you feel if the situation was reversed, and the local slut who would try it on with anyone and everyone when she was drunk came on to your partner? and that he felt flattered by it and followed through?

wheniwishuponastar Thu 01-Oct-09 14:31:39

yeah i wonder why he does try it on with loads of women, if he has a girlfriend and has no need to be insecure.

as i said i don't think he's ever done anything. i think he is just a massive flirt and a tease.

wheniwishuponastar Thu 01-Oct-09 14:34:29

i know. i was amazed too.
of course i would be disgusted and very hurt.

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