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Ive said I want it to end but now i feel so scared

(5 Posts)
everton Wed 30-Sep-09 09:49:24

I have told my DH that i want the relationship to end - we seperated two years ago but got back together after a few weeks, I said i wanted to get back together but reallyI did it to protect my DS. It is just not a happy relationship - its like living with a lodger. No physical side to it at all. So ive told him i want it to end again - but I am so scared of how this will affect my DS again. How do children cope? Im scared of hurting my child. What right do I have to turn his life up side down. Im not eating or sleeping. Please help.

SolidGoldBrass Wed 30-Sep-09 09:54:40

Is the lack of physical contact the only problem in the relationship, or is this man physically or mentally abusive? What actual benefits are there to you and your DS of having your H living in the same house as you?
Please bear in mind that no matter how many dodgy studies are published suggesting that women married to lazy, selfish, obnoxious or indifferent men should shut up and suck it up For The Sake Of The Children, there is no proof anywhere that children are better off trapped in the home with two mutually resentful, miserable parents than with two separated parents who are doing their best to maintain a good co-parent relationship.
Do you think your H is going to be reasonable about the separation and reliable when it comes to contact? Or is he going to be an arse? If he's a reasonable bloke but there is just no way of a couple-relationship between you making either of you happy, the sooner you can move to friendly co-parent status the better for everyone.

mummee09v Wed 30-Sep-09 10:24:28

hiya, i agree with SGB...same thing happened to me a few years ago (luckily my DS was only a few months old at the time). i was so unhappy, my ex was lazy, selfish, unsupportive, controlling, unhelpful round the house, i didn't love or even like him, let alone fancy him!! need i go on, i was just with him out of habit really so i asked him to leave. That was 3 years ago and now I'm engaged to be married with a baby daughter with my new partner and very happy! and my ex is also with someone else and happy now and we have a reasonably civil relationship. it was hard at first but you cope. and as SGB said it is FAR, FAR better for a child to have two happy parents that live apart than unhappy, rowing parents in the same house.
how old is your DS? children adapt, they always do. and you owe it to yourself to be happy. far better to be on your own than with someone you don't want to be with.
hope this has helped. keep posting.xxx

everton Wed 30-Sep-09 10:59:35

Thank you for your support. My DS is 6 years old, but really loves his dad they do so manythings together - i just feel that he will blame me for all this.

Im so glad that you are now happy and in love.

SolidGoldBrass Wed 30-Sep-09 15:02:22

Is there a different option? IE if your H is a nice man in all other ways but simply won't engage in a physical relationship with you, could you discuss the idea of living together as co-parents rather than a couple and getting your sexual/romantic needs met outside the relationship?

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