Narcissistic father

[breakingfree]

I know that narcissistic personality disorder has been written about a lot on here recently and it has helped me realise that my father has a form.

Knowing this has helped on someways but there are still something I am Unsure of.

He is very needy and basically seems to want me and my DH to run his life for him and expects us to drop everything to help him solve every minor crisis that befalls him.

What I can't work out is whether this is part of him being a narcissist or genuine.

[breakingfree]

I am struggling to decide how much involvement to continue to let him have in my life and need to get some perspective on what is reasonable behaviour and what isn't. I would really appreciate some help to work this out.

I have name changed but will probably end up revealing my RL identity with the information I give, please don't out me.

For example he has sent me 10 or more emails today and rung my DH lots this morning to try and resolve a matter on a property he lets (it is only a letter that need writing). HE has also just rung me again about the emails and when I said look I am not your secretary but I will help when I can, he said "it's ok I understand I will find a way to sort it myself don;t worry as I have told your sisters I will be dropping of the radar soon anyway". WTF he has only started asking for help today, on this matter at least.

[nauseous]

Sounds very tough...

You may need to take a step back from this. He's obviously at an intense stage... genuinely in need or acting I would say part of his illness...

BTW Have found Alice Miller's book v helpful on this subject.

Please take a step back from this if you can. He's overloading you with his concerns and succeding in making you feel guilty for something you could not have reasonably assisted before. I think we should make allowances for loved ones who have this disorder, but not allowances that you feel you cannot live with.

Hope I'm making sense. Just my opinion fwiw, have sim parent. I think its important to set boundaries so that this parent knows how far he can oush you and what you will andf won't do. But I know its hard making a stand also. Best of luck!

[breakingfree]

Thank you nauseous, it always seem that I make the decision to step back and then another drama unfolds with him and I end up wondering whether I am the unreasonable one for not doing exactly as he asks.

[breakingfree]

Forgot to ask what is a sim parent. Thanks

[nauseous]

Hi breakingfree - I meant similar - sorry rubbish shorthand!

Hope you can manage to break free of this stuff!