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Is it me or is this just a bit selfish....WWYD?

(12 Posts)
whoamearthamI Sat 26-Sep-09 16:54:29

H and I separated this year.

He is so busy with all his work and personal hobbies that he is only free for Sat evening and Sunday/sometimes Mon night,

Arrangments are sketchy re having our LO because we are trying to sort it out.

I should add he drops of our LO to nursery and picks her up, and keeps her til 5 one day per week.

However, here we are Sat pm, I'm grumpy, she's grumpy, i've got work to do, shes covered in paint and all I can think is selfish git. Selfish selfish git.

He's been like that since she was born and she's 3 now.

He adores her, but it annoys ME SO MUCH that he fits her in around his persuits and I'm the one that suffers......And when I tell him he is being selfish he shrugs it off. He wont take time off of his stuff (apart from the afternoon in the week he has her after nursery)and when I ask him if he can have her more, he can't, his college is more important. ARSE.


Rant over.

whoamearthamI Sat 26-Sep-09 17:05:34

only me then....

MarkStretch Sat 26-Sep-09 17:10:18

I would be annoyed too.

It sounds like you are being very accomodating.

giantkatestacks Sat 26-Sep-09 17:11:26

I think you need more of a formal arrangement that he has to stick to and she knows whats going to happen...if he cant manage that then his access will just need to be restricted (and I say that as someone whos exdp shares half of my ds iyswim)

whoamearthamI Sat 26-Sep-09 17:13:04

I know.. but it's almost like there is nothing I can do.

If I tell him to have his child on the days he can't, he's talked about having other people look after her, i.e. partners of college mates, family, or friends at college!!! Which I do not want at all.

I would like him to accept his responsibility. But obviously I am guilt tripping him when I tell him how I really feel, i.e the depression, anxiety, anger, and how selfish he is - after all this course only has a year left!!!

whoamearthamI Sat 26-Sep-09 17:14:09

Do you think then perhaps I shouldn't be so agreeable to him having her whenever? i.e. if he says he's got a day off or an evening off?

MarkStretch Sat 26-Sep-09 17:16:21

Could you change the arrangements so you rely on him less? Therefore probably reducing your stress levels and the amount of times he can refuse.

It might also give him a swift kick up the arse.

MarkStretch Sat 26-Sep-09 17:17:29

No I would be really rigid about it.

Select a day/time he has with her and don't change it if at all possible.

whoamearthamI Sat 26-Sep-09 17:20:57

ok then I need to sort out a rota,
and enlist friends help.

I just don't understand how someone can be so selfish and yet think they aren't, and then think it's okay to let your other half suffer, and ME STILL BE SLIGHTLY NOT OVER HIM

MarkStretch Sat 26-Sep-09 17:24:21

WOEAI- things will sort themselves out over time I'm sure.

My dd's dad fucked off back to Ireland and now only rings her about once every 3 weeks if he can be bothered so I know where you're coming from.

His excuse is 'it's too emotional for me'. Hmmm, and how is it for a 7yr old child then?!

I would say at the moment if you are dependent on him to help out it makes you more vulnerable to his changes of mind. If you can depend on him less then it will give you strength.

whoamearthamI Sat 26-Sep-09 17:27:05

THats true and I'm sorry about your situation. I hope things are better for you?

It's just interesting how selfish some people can be. I don't understand it.

He implies that it's fine for me to do what I want too, but I realise that's not possible because WE HAVE A CHILD. Whilst my life isn't over, its not the same and you have to accept that.
But he's off, with his freedom, new flat, new bits and bobs and I'm not....its so easy to cut off and get out, isn't it?

whoamearthamI Sat 26-Sep-09 17:41:16

Selfish git

Selfish git

Nice guy, selfish git.....


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