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Anyone else about to start divorce proceedings?

(10 Posts)
violet101 Sat 26-Sep-09 10:10:54

Hello, I'm new here....

I have been married over a decade and put up with emotional abuse for over half that time. Like many others (and I have spent hours pouring through the threads!)I have struggled to come to terms with all that has happened, I nearly left before last Xmas but then couldn't do it to my kids... so I've tried to keep my head down and make the best of a bad job, but I can't do it anymore.

I went to see CAB about what I could expect as a single parent but was immediately referred to an domestic abuse councillor. I knew I was in this situation, but I still needed someone (I guess!) to tell me!

It has taken me years to get to this point, but I have now made an appointment with a lawyer. I have told my H that I want to leave but he just laughs at me, thinking me incapable of anything and certainly managing without him. We have a joint mortgage and I put alot of money into the property, now I don't care if I walk away with nothing, as long as my 2 dc are with me. My heart breaks for what it will do to them... but I don't want them to grow up thinking that this is how a relationship should be or a women should be treated......

I have no idea what to expect, I have no job prospects (not for lack of trying), no savings, I just know that I have had enough and can't carry on as I am.

Can anyone give me any idea of what to expect at the first few appointments?

Thanks for reading, if you still are....

mumonthenet Sat 26-Sep-09 10:58:15

violet, hi.

Well done for your bravery. I can't give you any practical advice just send you much love and support. You'll get there in the end.

lizzy6 Sat 26-Sep-09 12:10:01

If you want to get a direct msg I can tell you what I've heard on this

lizzy6 Sat 26-Sep-09 12:10:19

If you want to get a direct msg I can tell you what I've heard on this

JJsandcat Sat 26-Sep-09 17:35:43

You are very brave and I wish you all the very best and that it works out well for you. Maybe you should also post in Legal threads and single parents as a few lawyers read the former and a lot of wizened single parents post on the latter.

BertieBotts Sat 26-Sep-09 18:07:16

Hi Violet. I will be leaving my emotionally abusive partner soon too - though we are not married - we could support each other on here if you want to. Have you read the long running emotional abuse thread?

Good luck, hope everything works out for you

queenofdenial2009 Sat 26-Sep-09 20:25:07

Welcome to the world of EA. Quite a few of us here I'm afraid, but you will get the support you're looking for. Well done for taking the first steps, it is horribly hard. I was in the position you are in for seven years and it is horrible.

Make sure you get a lawyer who understands domestic abuse. Mine did but still bought into my ex's stories. Have a clear idea what you want to resolve - home, maintenance and contact are probably the obvious ones. If you can demonstrate the money you put into the property such as the money leaving your account and the same paying for a new kitchen or a chunk of the mortgage, you should get your share back. I will.

Take it one day at a time and you will get there. And it will be the best thing for your kids if things are that bad. My daughter, always a sunny little girl, has flourished in the two months since we left.

legrandfromage Sat 26-Sep-09 23:23:42

another solidarity message from me.

Like others have said, take it one day at a time. You are strong enough to get through this. You can do it on your own. I have and (trust me) I am the Queen of Wimps.

violet101 Mon 28-Sep-09 16:54:57

thank you everyone for your support and kind words. This morning I was getting cold feet about my appointment but found a thread that I really identify with, which reminds me that my life will still be like this in 5 years if I dont' do something about it.

I'm so worried about legal fees but my sol also handles legal aid which I will qualify for so that is a huge relief.

How do you break the news to someone ' oh by the way, I saw a solicitor today and I want a divorce'?? I'm really worried about his reaction...

I used to go on another forum but haven't been on one for years.... I feel like I have found a safe spot here... thank you x

Mutt Mon 28-Sep-09 17:11:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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