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Found out DH is contacting another female on FB. Should I confront or leave it?

(23 Posts)
SwissCheese Fri 25-Sep-09 20:10:14

Crumbs, I'm shaking. Sorry! May well ramble a bit. I have just discovered that DH has been making contact with a woman he was seeing before he divorced his ex wife. I know all about her, but DH having left his internet page on FB open, it was very apparent that this is going on behind my back too now. I feel guilty about finding out and furious at the same time. Should I confront him, or leave it well alone? I want to mail her and tell her to get lost TBH.

alison56 Fri 25-Sep-09 20:19:04

did he honestly leave the FB page open or did you go snooping?

Cos it's relevant.

If you went snooping I'm afraid you'll have to keep quiet.

If not, I'd confront him, but not in an accusative manner.

SheWillBeLoved Fri 25-Sep-09 20:20:43

Ah just confront him. Either way, trust has gone or been shaken. May as well get to the bottom of it now rather than fester in your worry and doubt for god knows how long.

BitOfFun Fri 25-Sep-09 20:23:05

What are the messages like? Just chitchat, or more to it?

Pennies Fri 25-Sep-09 20:24:10

What are the messages? Is he looking for so
mething or just getting in touch?

VulpusinaWilfsuit Fri 25-Sep-09 20:25:43

Went snooping? On Facebook? How can it be snooping if he posts what he's doing on a public site?

Don't confront her. Ask him about it. Tell him it upsets you. It may be entirely innocent and catching up for old time's sake etc..

alison56 Fri 25-Sep-09 20:39:34

it's perfectly possible to snoop.

Your private messages are not posted on your public profile page. However, if you know somebody's password, you can snoop on their private messages.


HecatesTwopenceworth Fri 25-Sep-09 20:42:55

Why email her? Your husband made contact. It's him you're married to! Talk to him!

VulpusinaWilfsuit Fri 25-Sep-09 20:47:06

Ah. See what you mean.

thetattooedmagpie Fri 25-Sep-09 20:48:33

Why do you want to mail her and tell her to get lost ? What did the messages say ?

I don't think you can really tell her what she should and shouldn't be doing. If you have concerns then they are with your DH.

I'm with SheWillBe on this one- you sound like this is going to play on your mind - so you might as well get on with it and have it out. Did he cheat on his ex-wife ? Is this the root of your concern ?

hanaboo Fri 25-Sep-09 22:11:30

wat type of messages are they? if they are just friendly then don't say anything just keep an eye on it, if something is going on for definite then u should confront him about it

hanaboo Fri 25-Sep-09 22:12:30

oh, and if something is going on then mail her, yes! she knows he's with u? he's not hers to have

thetattooedmagpie Fri 25-Sep-09 22:20:20

sorry hanaboo but' not hers to have ' ? People don't own other people - he's not a possession and presumably has free will.

SwissCheese Fri 25-Sep-09 22:57:45

No, I didn't go snooping. He'd been on FB whilst looking after DS, then something happened and he left it open. I went on to order the shopping and the rest is history.
The content is very suggestive and the latest is that he wishes he'd made the choice to go with her. It may well all be in the fantasy world, but it feels like betrayal and I feel sick/hollow. He blames his ex wife for leaving him, but if, as the mail suggests, he was messing around before his previous marriage brokedown, then there's a different side to the story. I would really like to remain open-minded but I'm gutted.

2010Dad Fri 25-Sep-09 23:12:29

Confront your DH.

BitOfFun Fri 25-Sep-09 23:14:29

What a blow- you must be reeling. You do need to speak to him sad

hanaboo Fri 25-Sep-09 23:14:30

yes, he does have free will, but he shouldn't be doing this type of thing while he is involved with someone else.

swisscheese... if he really wants to be with her then there is sadly nothing u can do.. if i were u i would wait to see how and if this developes, meanwhile try to remind him why he's with u

aRLcat Fri 25-Sep-09 23:59:19

Confront! You have every right, don't doubt that and don't doubt yourself.

aRLcat Sat 26-Sep-09 00:06:24

To add, regarding what hanaboo said, I doubt he really wants to be with her. FWIW I think he's probably just telling her what he thinks she wants to hear.

Obviously this is still pants but I doubt when confronted that it will be a case of him upping and leaving for her.

I do think confronting is also important in terms of nipping this in the bud.

Nothing physical may have happened yet but the way is being paved. Either way, discussion is necessary and I would hope that any such discussion would aid him in seeing the light before he really does get carried away.

trickvick Thu 08-Oct-09 11:51:06

Nip this in the bud now, for your own peace of mind please.

Speak to him directly and calmly about what you read. Tell him how it makes you feel and what thoughts are now going through your head about your relationship.

You dont know the outcome of the conversation your going to have but at least it will be dealt with and you can move forward instead of living in limbo and thinking the worst.

macdoodle Thu 08-Oct-09 11:54:52

..............once a cheat..........always a cheat!

ginnny Thu 08-Oct-09 12:21:51

Confront him! I don't know why you are even hesitating tbh. Did you know that he had an affair when he was married before or have you just found this out? Explain to him that it has shaken your trust in him and ask him not to have any more contact.
DP and I have a rule about FB - we don't have any FB friends who we have been romantically involved with in the past. Its just too dangerous.

BEAUTlFUL Thu 08-Oct-09 12:51:55

You poor thing. sad Fucking men.

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