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Would you turn and run from this??

(39 Posts)
FluffySaysTheDailyMailsShite Thu 24-Sep-09 20:38:16

Met a bloke about 6 weeks ago, he seems really nice, we have alot in common, he's great company, looking for the same things, good looking but:

He's had ex's that have really battered him, one that stole his money, some stalkers (apparantly). He comes across as a sweet bloke but I'm in 2 minds. We had a chat yesterday, he said he is interested in me/I'm fantastic etc but we've agreed to be friends (then he flirts with me (alot) hmm), he's said he doesn't want to get into a relationship with me and loose me hmm or fall out and never see me again. He's on my FB account, he was honest and has said he's joined a section where he can meet people, he's looking for someone who wants the same as him hmm. It's not a serious thing that we have, not kissed, chat every night, spend the odd day together, I have been avoiding him since yesterday, what would you do? I'm confused with all the mixed messages I get from him.

nickytwotimes Thu 24-Sep-09 20:39:42

Yep, mixed messages.
I'd move on personally.

FabBakerGirlIsBack Thu 24-Sep-09 20:41:56

I would say bye bye.

whomovedmychocolate Thu 24-Sep-09 20:42:05

He's a muppet. Dump him and date someone of a higher life form than pond scum.

FluffySaysTheDailyMailsShite Thu 24-Sep-09 20:42:08

Thanks.
Shame really, he seemed great. Ah well.

twooter Thu 24-Sep-09 20:44:41

doesn't sound as if he makes your heart beat faster - i'd move on too

Katiekitty Thu 24-Sep-09 20:44:48

Hey Fluffy - is this the chap who works in the shop you and your DS go into?

You've put in a lot of ground work with him, if it's the man in question.

He sounds very nervous about entering into a relationship, would you be prepared to go very slowly? How do you feel about him? Would you wnat to make your friendship something more?

When you chat, is it usually over FB? Maybe he's really shy and when chatting in person, he finds it difficult to express himself?

We've all had horror stories in the past, it's maybe a matter of whether he can let the past go and move on to the future.

It's a two way thing though, your wants and needs and desires are just as important as his. What do you hope to come from your relationship/friendship with this man?

wingandprayer Thu 24-Sep-09 20:46:41

Clearly enjoys playing silly games, it's always a bad sign when a bloke says all his ex's are nutters. There's one common factors between all his previous relationships - him - so the problem is far more likely to be with him than them. I'll bet that when you cool things with him he'll make a really big play for you again, tell you he;s changed his mind etc...

Katiekitty Thu 24-Sep-09 20:47:59

Meant to add - now, I'm not one for self help books, but! He's Just Not That Into you speaks some sense... 'don't waste the pretty' they say! i.e. there may be someone out there that's perfect for you, but you aren't going to find him if you're hung up on someone else who's not feeling the same as you...

FluffySaysTheDailyMailsShite Thu 24-Sep-09 20:56:57

It's the same one Katie.

I do really like him, we have so much in common it's scary. He sounds nervous to me aswell but I don't understand why he's wanting to be friends one minute then very flirty the next, then moaning about wanting to be in a relationship. He has said he doesn't want to go slowly as he knows what he wants hmm, I've tried to arrange times to see him to get to know him but it's bloody hard work. He is homesick which isn't helping. We normally speak on FB or MSN, I do see him alot off line aswell. I want a grown up relationship IYSWIM, no games or mixed messages.

FluffySaysTheDailyMailsShite Thu 24-Sep-09 21:01:08

I'm not too hung up on him (I don't think). I do like him but I like me more. Life's too short. I am grateful my eyes have been opened about wanting to be with someone though, I've been using MN/my friends on FB as a way to forget I'm lonely. I need to sort this out.

He hasn't said all of them are nutters, he has told me about the bad ones though. He's said the ones he does like are afraid of committment hmm

Katiekitty Thu 24-Sep-09 21:07:34

Hmm - he's giving you all the things you don't want: games and mixed messages!

Being lonely can cloud your vision, I've been there and when you come out of it, you see things clearer. Maybe you are clouded by him liking you and you want it to be more that it is so you're left sad and confused and still lonely. I really feel for you.

remind me about what happened when you fixed a date, did he let you down? (thread was in chat?) It seems like he doesn't know what he wants, so he back peddles quickly and doesn't really take your feelings into consideration.

To be honest, he sounds quite immature while you sounds streets ahead.

Imagine you got together as a copule, how would you see yourself?

What are the things he says he knows what he wants?

FluffySaysTheDailyMailsShite Thu 24-Sep-09 21:19:28

He wants to settle down and have a family (apparantly).

We went out yesterday (for the whole day) but to be honest, it's a rare occurance, he's either at work, been ill or hibernating (so he says). He did say yesterday that he's been feeling really unhappy, he moved here so has no friends/family/dog/places he loves. It's been a big shock to him IYSWIM. He's got problems at work aswell so is really unhappy at the moment. He's online every night so we talk then.

He's attentive when I'm with him, flirty, he made my tea yesterday which was nice, he's been listening to the same CD's that I've been talking about (we went to his flat, nothing naughty though, just a chat and something to eat). I don't know. He talks about wanting to meet someone (he has joined dating sites in the past etc), moans about not being able to find anyone that likes the same as him, moans about being single, flirts with me but is still obviously looking at a flirting bit of FB because it's showing up on his profile! I don't get the 'we should be friends because you are amazing and I wouldn't want you not to be around' spill. I really hate excuses, he should either do nor not.

Katiekitty Thu 24-Sep-09 21:25:41

He sounds like a drifter, drifting through but never really doing anything. You know loads about him, does he know as much about you?

He moans about not meeting someone with the same interests as him? Umm, you do!

It sounds to me that he doesn't want to get married and settle down, he doesn't seem to know what he wants at all, maybe he's just saying that because he thinks he should? Maybe he thinks it would be a way out of all his other woes in life?

Does he know how you feel about him? Have you told him you want more?

Katiekitty Thu 24-Sep-09 21:26:44

hang on - 'hibernating'! What's he been doing in this time?

FluffySaysTheDailyMailsShite Thu 24-Sep-09 21:34:20

He's been painting, working and moping about (apparantly). hmm

He doesn't know alot about me, I have told him little bits, he's never asked anything though!! I think I'm unsure as to what to say etc so I'm waiting for him to ask me things. He's been very open with me though. He does know I like him, he's also said he doesn't think he can give me what I want, which is a relationship. Then he say's later he wants to be in a relationship with someone. hmm I'm just confused.

cheerfulvicky Thu 24-Sep-09 21:39:31

If he's not making it clear that he would like to be in a relationship with YOU then I would move on. Sorry.

Katiekitty Thu 24-Sep-09 21:42:13

Oh man! I've been out with men who have never asked me anything! It's so maddening! You ask them something, like "Ooh, what's your favourite film" they answer it and don't ask you yours, or indeed any other question! Haed, bang, brick wall scenario!

I would seriously advise you to retreat from him and not contact him for a few days, let him do the running (not that you've been chasing him), but let him demonstrate some get up and go, or at least do something, anything.

Ah, fluffy, he sounds too apathetic for you, you have get up and go and wit and verve, while he is merely coasting along, keeping you waiting in the wings.

He doesn't know what he wants, he doesn't know you as well as you know him, so how can he say he can't give you what you want?

I'm sorry this is happening to you as you were so excited when it all got going, I'll never forget your anticipation of your first date. NO wonder your hopes are somewhat dashed as you thought it might be going places.

Basically, a bit of thinking space between the two of you is required.

Do you have any Rl friends who can take your mind off him?

FluffySaysTheDailyMailsShite Thu 24-Sep-09 21:45:02

Too late blush I'll make this conversation very short!!

FluffySaysTheDailyMailsShite Thu 24-Sep-09 21:46:02

and ds and I are stuck on a coach with him on Sunday for hours!

Alibabaandthe40nappies Thu 24-Sep-09 21:47:13

Good grief - how old is he? He sounds like a self-absorbed teenager.

It's the fact that he's not asking questions about you that really tells the story. He so involved with how he feels about everything that you almost don't figure.

I would move on, it sounds like a bit of a head-fuck.

FluffySaysTheDailyMailsShite Thu 24-Sep-09 21:48:56

He's 28!! He's just asked me what's up. (sigh)

Katiekitty Thu 24-Sep-09 21:55:38

Is he messaging you on FB?

What's made him think there's soemthing up with you?

Don't reply to him!

Why are you and DS stuck with him on Sunday? Can you cancel whatever it is?

FluffySaysTheDailyMailsShite Thu 24-Sep-09 21:59:06

I can't cancel, I've paid for the tickets!!

I'm being evasive, he's tried to phone and I've not picked up. I am really stressed at the moment, it's not just because of this. He's on MSN so he knows I'm online.

Katiekitty Thu 24-Sep-09 22:11:40

Doesn't mean you have to sit next to him on the coach! Have you got an ipod? magazine? eye mask and ear plugs for a bit of shut eye?! Keep busy, sit next to DS and keep the fella at arm's length (easier said than done on a moving vehicle!)

Letting him wonder why you're not available online won't hurt either.

Sorry to hear you're stressed about other stuff too

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