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Anyone know this man

(30 Posts)
Hther Wed 23-Sep-09 21:56:44

doesn't wash, doesn't clean his teeth, when he goes to the toilet he manages to get it on the floor, and wall and reamining toilet roll as well as over the toilet

has midnight feasts of crisps and chocolate so i come down to empty crisp packets, coke cans, milky way wrapper

says its ok, i'll do the washing up, put rubbish out, etc then doesn't tell you he hasn't so you find it hours later its not been done

insists on going shopping for you then forgets the list or takes it but still forgets half the things, comes back moaning he's tired, when you've been left with 4 young children running ragged and you've had no sleep the night before, doesn't give you the change, then moans when you ask for it

borrows money from you and takes months to pay you back then when you finally pluck up courage to ask for it he gets grumpy

promises to leave the washing to you, after melting your clothes in the tumble dryer, putting lights and darks together and not dealing with dtains, then does it again, promises not to again, then does it again, promises not to again then does it again, etc etc then flies off the handle when you moan about yet more ruined clothes, says he'll pay for them when he knows that he has no money, and in any case they no longer sell that item or its sentimental value as a loved one bought it

despite the above, on the one occasion that you mess up the washing by melting the numbers on his football shirt in the dryer, you have to hide upstairs from him

is the most terrifying person in the world if the telly stops working, and yet wants more and more channels but is late paying you for the sky bill, moans wehen you try to hurry him up with the money, and won't pay a penny towards the TV licence, even though you wouldn't have a telly at all if he wasn't around

if turned down for a job moans like mad, talks in threatening way towards the interviewer, then rips up all his other application forms saying he doesn't want a job anyway

manages to crack the hose on every vacuum vacuum cleaner he uses, very soon after buying it, and even manages to break 3 tin openers in a fortnight

just doesn't get the hang of putting irons / chemicals etc up out of reach

thinks its hilarious if someone falls and hurts themself / steps on a plug pin side up etc but god help you if you laugh at his pain

if he feels slightly stessed by job centre staff when signing on, says oh, they can stick it, will cancel my claim, don't need money, it will mean i don't get housing ebnefit but i will give the house up anyway, don't need anywhere to live, would rather be homeless

calls other people mad but if you say he's disturbed he will say you're not a psychiatrist you can't say that, or says don't push me, i'm sick of you saying that, then next time says i don't care what you say anymore, then next time says stop calling me that

keeps messing things up then gets angry with you for moaning at him, then says i don't care how much you moan and then threatens you to stop moaning

says he can't wait to get away from you, you're horrible and you ahve messed his life up but you left him and he followed you, then walked out again, then came back again, got upset that you leave him or ask him to leave

messes you about constantly, keeps changing his mind

smashes his mobile phone cos you've moaned at him, when you say that was silly, he says no i didnt want a phone anyway, then asks you to lend him money for a new phone and he will pay you back next week, months later you ask him for money he gets cross, but hemoans about teh neigbour who borrowed money taking 3 weeks longer than he said to pay you back

says you go where you ike but children stay with me, then says he doesnt want teh children, then says they are better off with out him, then says he has a right to have them then walks out then comes back then when you leave he says you ahve taken his family

steals money from you, when sorting out your spare room, says how wonderful he is to sort your room out then asks why you haven't bought the printer you wantes, you say its cos you lost so much money from the spare room, he says i'll buy you one the, says he got money from cashpoint that day and when the bank statement comes showing no transaction the whole month, goes mad when you ask him about it

keeps giving children unhealthy food when he knows how you feel about taht and then says he wont do it again but himself only eats junk

never has any money to help with gas, water etc but can afford take aways every night and sky tv and football shirts when you shop at primark or charity shops

makes fun of your cooking but he cant even cook pasta

ridicules you in front of everyone but don't you dare do that to him

rings you evry 5 minutes to be nasty when hes annoyed but the next day when you have 3 mnissed calls from him and try to ring him bac he tells you to stop bothering him or he'll change his number

says how good he is for cooking for the children when you dont manage it very often but its always chicken dippers, smilies and frozen peas

breaks something of yours and blames you for making him stressed

abroadandmisunderstood Wed 23-Sep-09 22:03:33

Hther, I don't know this man. I recognise a few elements from my DH but your description of a man has made me tearful.

This is your partner? Are you ok?

Hassled Wed 23-Sep-09 22:04:00

Fucking hell. Leave, and leave quickly. He's a complete psycho. And no, I don't know him because normal men are not like that. This really isn't normal.

moodlumthehoodlum Wed 23-Sep-09 22:07:29

I'm really sorry. He sounds awful and you need to leave him. This is not normal behaviour and you can find a better life outside of his world.

helpmeoutofthismess Wed 23-Sep-09 22:10:10

Gosh- hope that was cathartic writing all of that down? Don't really know what to say but didn't want to read and run.

Sounds a pretty hellish man to live with and I sympathise with you greatly. Hope you can find a way out of your situation soon (I'm guessing from your post that that is what you want).

mrsboogie Wed 23-Sep-09 22:10:31

Why is this monster living in your house?

BroodyChook Wed 23-Sep-09 22:10:37

Nope, I don't know this man. I wouldn't want to, either.

penona Wed 23-Sep-09 22:11:02

No, I don't know this man. But if you do, please please please do yourself a favour and get very far away from him. He doesn't sound very nice at all.

dittany Wed 23-Sep-09 22:11:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hther Wed 23-Sep-09 22:12:12

thanks only just realised how long that message was sorry, i have left before, he found me, left again, am now trying to work out a way that will actuially work, at the same time as deciding how to help the children deal with it when they love him so much. Of course i know they will be better off but they dont understand that, i have had real problems with womens aid not ringing me back too, hope to try again tomorrow

ginnny Wed 23-Sep-09 22:12:37

No, I don't know this man - thank goodness.
If he's yours then get rid as fast as you can.
I can't understand why anyone would stay with someone like this.
sad

runawayquickly Wed 23-Sep-09 22:14:38

Do you love him? Simple question. Asked without judgement.

lilacclaire Wed 23-Sep-09 22:14:51

Hope this is your EX !!

GoneCuckoo Wed 23-Sep-09 22:15:32

If I were you I'd get my kids, keys and cash then run as fast I could.

lilmissmummy Wed 23-Sep-09 22:18:05

Please keep phoning them and hassling them. You and your children can not and should not live like this.

I hope you are ok. Stay strong. Sending you hugs xx

BettySwollux Wed 23-Sep-09 22:30:31

Is he mentally ill? Serious Q.
Has he always been like this or has he had some kind of trauma?

NOT trying to excuse his actions in any way, the way he is treating you and DC is terrible.

Please keep hassling Women's Aid.

Hope you're okay x

JockTamsonsBairns Wed 23-Sep-09 22:36:31

Yes I do know this man - he's my ex-H. I managed to escape from him 9 years ago, and have never looked back. It took me several attempts to leave, and there were times I truly believed I'd never find a way out, but I did. You can too. It will be hard at first, on many levels, but keep on at WA - they will help with the practicalities and offer emotional support. I feel strangely excited for you - your best years are ahead of you. I wish you well x

LynetteScavo Wed 23-Sep-09 22:38:26

Well, I presumed this man must be your brother that you were looking after.

Has he always been like this?

Would you be able to pursuae him to leave?

shabbapinkfrog Wed 23-Sep-09 22:43:03

I know this man - he has been my H for the last 32 years - sweetheart - run, run like the wind, get out, stay out, and believe me, when I say it is not you no matter how many times he tells you its your fault xxxxxxx

shabbapinkfrog Wed 23-Sep-09 22:46:20

This says it all

SolidGoldBrass Wed 23-Sep-09 22:52:03

You can't live with this man. No one should have to. WHen you say he 'found you again', has he intimidated you into allowing him back into your life? You can actually get an injunction out against him, even if there are no documented incidents of physical violence, if you want him to stay away from you and he won't leave you alone.
If he is the DC's father, he can have contact with them, but he doesn't need to have any direct contact with you.
YOU ARE NOT POWERLESS. Men like this claim that they can do whatever they want to their XPs, because, well, you're only a 'woman' and they are entitled to get their own way. This is bullshit. He cannot take your children from you, or drive you out of your home.

shabbapinkfrog Wed 23-Sep-09 22:55:47

Good post SGB! x

caramelwaffle Thu 24-Sep-09 10:14:52

Do absolutely everything you can to not live with this man. Either get an injunction out on him to make him leave or get some help in leaving and get a Court Order to have him removed from your house; you can then move back in.

Good luck x

caramelwaffle Thu 24-Sep-09 10:18:42

And if he is the father of the children arrange visitation for them in a neutral place
i.e. Contact centre, mutual friends, public meeting place etc

OscarByTheSea Thu 24-Sep-09 10:28:36

Yes, I know this man. He's very hairy and swings from tree to tree at Regent's park zoo. Please get rid of this ape.

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