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Straw poll- would you even bother to listen to this. . .

(73 Posts)
littlestmummystop Wed 23-Sep-09 18:49:30

Met a wonderful guy in the summer. Went on about five dates, he stayed over twice.

I really felt like I was falling for him....

Then he goes abroad for a few days, doesn't call me. I sense he's cooling off. Then he changes arrangement to see me in a phone call, saying he's having a terrible time at work, in a bit of a state, feeling depressed blah blah.

Then he never calls or contacts me again.Until now.

Yep two months later he sends an apologetic text to say, it would be good to talk, he's behaved like an absolute twat and he'd like to try and explain himself. . .

Do I even bother to listen ?

smackapacka Wed 23-Sep-09 18:51:43

Oh yes and then tell us so we can judge!

Lizzylou Wed 23-Sep-09 18:52:12

No, sounds like he's just been dumped to me

tvaerialmagpiebin Wed 23-Sep-09 18:52:33

No. He is a cocklodger.
Just ignore him, he is trying to make you feel guilty with all this apology lark.

smackapacka Wed 23-Sep-09 18:52:41

Sorry - didn't mean to press enter and be so blunt... I think you do want to know what he wants to say, if nothing else it might give you 'closure'.

Good luck.

IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern Wed 23-Sep-09 18:52:53

Hmmm I would be tempted to say not but my ex (kids) dad had a similar situation with his now dp, she did this to him and now they are happily living together.
I think I might be tempted to here him out find out what his reasons were and if it was a load of BS then would get rid but if he is genuine then one last chance.
If you don't at least hear him out you might always wonder.
We all make mistakes.

DuelingFanjo Wed 23-Sep-09 18:53:30


DuelingFanjo Wed 23-Sep-09 18:53:42

woops caps

purplepeony Wed 23-Sep-09 18:55:11

well, 5 dates doesn't signify a life long commitment- what were you expecting?

You didn't make any promises to be monogamous or to be long term partners.

I think after 5 dates anyone is entitled to back off for all kinds of reasons- then come back again at a later date.

Whether you see him again depends on how much you like him and if you want to give it another go.

yama Wed 23-Sep-09 18:56:35

Agree with DuelingFanjo. Good idea.

littlestmummystop Wed 23-Sep-09 18:56:47

Smackpacka, I've no idea what he wants to say.

I haven't seen or heard from him at all in two months !!

I've been off out, dating other people, and just trying to forget about the whole thing ( it took a few weeks to be honest as I was pretty upset)

He seemed like a real gent when we met. V thoughtful, considerate etc. so was VERY surprised when he started not ringing me and cut all contact. I thought it was just very disrespectful, but understand some men can't face the confrontation of ending something, so just don't bother. . . . hmm

littlestmummystop Wed 23-Sep-09 18:58:14

Oh he already told me who it was in the text. . so no chance of doing that !!

Almost replied. . 'Joe Bloggs' who ?? though. . .

FabBakerGirlIsBack Wed 23-Sep-09 18:58:37

Do you want to see him because you have feelings for him and want to see if this is a goer or do you just want to find out why he disappeared for 2 months?

purplepeony Wed 23-Sep-09 18:59:16

But what was there to end? After 5 dates? were you confusing having sex with a promise ( unsaid) of some kind of commitment from him- or something serious?

It it was literally 5 dates- over 5 weeks or less?- it was not a relationship, so why should he feel bad for not getting in touch and you feel resentful?

Tambajam Wed 23-Sep-09 19:00:02

If you really felt like you were falling for him and you think he might be someone special then I would give him a chance. It will be one evening of your entire life and he might actually have something to say that makes sense.

hambo Wed 23-Sep-09 19:00:57


littlestmummystop Wed 23-Sep-09 19:01:08

PP- of course I wasn't expecting some massive commitment

But he'd indicated a few times he really liked me...

He seemed really keen. Then poooof, he was gone without any explanation. Obviously had no concerns for my feelings at all.

Ivykaty44 Wed 23-Sep-09 19:01:38

you had a couple o dates - he doesn't need to explain anything.

littlestmummystop Wed 23-Sep-09 19:02:59

Fab- I think I am over it. But yes, am really intrigued by what possible explanation there could be, and if he does manage to convince me, then I'd see.

Just wanted a straw poll as to whether to even bother.

hambo Wed 23-Sep-09 19:03:44

Five dates is lots. And to just stop contact dead is rude and very spineless. I would agree with the chap that he has been a twat - and ignore him.

littlestmummystop Wed 23-Sep-09 19:04:14

Ivy- so you think it's totally normal to have an intensive six week period of dating and contact and then to stop all contact suddenly for two months and then expect to start it up again. . .?

And not explain why?

hambo Wed 23-Sep-09 19:04:25

Don't do it!!

Ivykaty44 Wed 23-Sep-09 19:11:01

If I had 5 dates with someone then they went cold - well it wasn't a long relationship and you date to get to know if you like someone so there you go.

If they then got back in touch and said they wanted to explain why they had fizzled out - well hay we wern't going steady we were just testing the water no biggy if the water wasn't the right temperature and no I wouldn't want to sit down and have another date or start up again.

I would want to be with someone that was into me, into me so much that whatever was stressing the contact didn't fizzel out over two months - so no byy bye.

tbh I think he was playing away/around and op maywell be second fiddle and i just wouldn't want that niggling in the back of my mind ta but no thanks.

purplepeony Wed 23-Sep-09 19:30:17

why don't you just meet him and see- no big deal? Play him at his own game. Depends if you like him or not.

AnyFucker Wed 23-Sep-09 19:31:09

has he been in prison ?

been back to wife+family ?

been binned by somebody he thought was a better prospect than you ?

these are the questions I would be asking

find out, and tell us grin

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