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will BIL having a baby change our relationship with PIL?

(8 Posts)
browneyedlou Tue 22-Sep-09 17:59:18

DH's younger brother and his girlfriend of 10 months have announced she is pg (unplanned). DH and I have been married for 2 years and were thinking of TTC in a year or so, hoping to make finances more secure etc. BIL has always been a little irresponsible - dropping out of uni, writing off 2 cars, getting into debt and being bailed out by PIL every time. His gf is only 19, he is 24.

Although I realise I may sound a bit resentful I am happy for them. There have been a few comments from different people hinting that we have been "usurped", which I know is ridiculous, but I suppose I did always imagine that PIL's first grandchild would be our child. I think that when BIL and fiance become parents that will have a greater bond than us with PIL because they will have experienced parenthood, which we haven't, and they are always going to dote on their first grandchild more than any subsequent ones.

I realise this may sound a little selfish, and I reiterate that I am very happy for them and excited about becoming an Auntie - but does anyone else have experience of this?

MaggieBeauLeo Tue 22-Sep-09 18:03:00

I think it'll work in your favour.

Your MIL will have calmed down and got the uber grandma out of her system by the time yours comes along!

10 months such a short relationship to be entering parenthood. I wonder if your PILs might be wary about becoming too attached to the child........??????? just a thought. Sorry if that sounds negative

browneyedlou Tue 22-Sep-09 18:07:03

Well, it's funny how much it has made PIL revert to 1950s style morality. MIL is insisting they get married asap, though when they announced their engagement a few weeks ago (before they knew she was pg), they weren't too pleased about it, hmm I MIL even said they should get married "in case anything happens...."?? So she is being fairly negative too

browneyedlou Tue 22-Sep-09 18:45:50

Thanks for the advice BTW Maggie - hadn't thought of it like that!

moulesfrites Tue 22-Sep-09 21:39:03

You do sound a little selfish TBH. Concentrate on being a good auntie. I'm sure your PIL will love all their grandchildren equally. In fact, IME its the newest one who gets all the attention - might turn into some competitive baby making between you and future SIL!

motherlovebone Tue 22-Sep-09 22:21:29

we were the ones in your BIL's situation.
support them/her, its so hard!

groundhogs Sun 27-Sep-09 15:33:33

I wouldn't worry about it, as MaggieBL says, it may very well work in your favour... My Mum didn't want to be a grandmother, and made it bloody obvious at times.

Sure she dotes on her GS, but she flew out to be with my sis and her DD, and clearly put all the stuff she eventually learnt with my DS into practice with her GD... My sis thinks she's GM of the year... I'm still a little more reserved on that front...

As you have - in MIL eyes - done things properly married etc, I can't think that you will have any issues at all.

Don't worry about things until they are really happening, you'll drive yourself doo-lally! smile

2rebecca Sun 27-Sep-09 21:45:36

Why are you so desperate for your inlaws approval? Seems strange for you to be fussing over this not your husband. It never occurred to me to get worried about this sort of thing.
My parents ended up seeing more of younger sibs' kids, just because by then they had retired and had more time.

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