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Old flame back in touch...shit shit shit

(45 Posts)
amtooyoungforthis Tue 22-Sep-09 17:41:30

Was with a man for a year, 6 years ago. He was married but I didn't know for 10 months. He was a very good liar. When I found out, I finished it.

He came back with promises that he would leave. I got suckered for 2 more months but refused to be intimate in any way, phone contact only, him kept saying he wanted to be with me, I even went with him to look at flats, met his family. He had never lived alone and wanted to move in with me but I said he needed to live alone before we ever got to that stage. It soon became apparent he wasn't about to leave so I did the decent thing and walked away. Then followed a few months of almost stalker like behaviour, begging me to reconsider so I changed phone numbers, email, etc so he couldn't contact me. Hurt like hell but no way would I be mistress knowingly

So come to the begining of this year and I get a facebook message. He's now divorced and married to someone else. He wanted to apologise for treating me so badly. Which he did and I left it at that. He didn't suggest any friendship or contact, and I was more than happy with that

No contact since until today

I get a phone call. His 2nd marriage has now ended. He is living alone, in his own place. More apologies and talk of how he has been in counselling address a number of issues. He would like to meet for a coffee, catch up

I took his number but haven't given him mine. I don't know what to do!!! I loved him, he hurt me and his 1st wife. He's proved to be a good liar and I don't know if he still is

Would I be totally stupid to give him number and meet up again?? Or should I just forget again

TotalChaos Tue 22-Sep-09 17:43:44

run for the hills. do you really fancy him pressuring you into being his rebound relationship?

SheWillBeLoved Tue 22-Sep-09 17:43:56

Forget it. Cheats on wives and has two failed marriages under his belt?

Move on.

bigchris Tue 22-Sep-09 17:43:59

I would forget him
he probably cheated on his second wife
he sounds like a serial adulterer tbh

GypsyMoth Tue 22-Sep-09 17:44:52

forget him. just leave it,obvious what he's looking for

how did he phone you then if you haven't given him your number?

RubysReturn Tue 22-Sep-09 17:45:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ask yourself if you let him back in your life - in your DC's lives? --


If the answer is no - then you know what to do -- nothing

GirlsAreLOud Tue 22-Sep-09 17:46:47

He sounds like a real catch hmm

Seriously, do not go down this road.

Coca Tue 22-Sep-09 17:46:59

Fordet him he sounds like a loser

LuluMamaaaaarrrrr Tue 22-Sep-09 17:47:25

yes you would be totally stupid to let this serial adulterer and liar and deceiver back into your life

Coca Tue 22-Sep-09 17:47:30

or you could "forget" him

AnyFucker Tue 22-Sep-09 17:47:31

just keep moving

ffs, why would you go there again

whatever curiosity you have about him, bury it right now

no good will come of it

amtooyoungforthis Tue 22-Sep-09 17:53:11

I'm in the phone book in my maiden name, which he knew

He says 1st left him because of me, how shit do I feel over that one! and 2nd left him for someone else in march (karma!)

Apart from the obvious lies about being single, I trusted him about everything else. I don't know how he kept everything secret as like I said I met his parents and his sister all those years ago and it was accepted I was his girlfriend. Only one who didn't know was the wife. The whole family were in on it.

I know I should walk away, it's all so out of the blue and I do remember being very happy, ignorant but happy

GirlsAreLOud Tue 22-Sep-09 17:56:04

Well the fact that he cheated to his wife and lied to you about being married is bad enough. But it's the stalker-like behaviour that makes me think you should not ever respond to any contact from him.

SheWillBeLoved Tue 22-Sep-09 18:12:28

Forget about how happy you were, it was all a lie. Even his family were in on it? shock He was either lying to them too, or he just comes from a long line of twisted, lying wierdo's.

Really, don't go there. Do you honestly think you're going to run off into the sunset with him and live happily ever after, knowing his past and how much of a good liar he is?

Find someone worth your time. I'm sure the fantasy of turning a serial adulterer into a monogamous, loving partner is a good one - but it won't happen.

amtooyoungforthis Tue 22-Sep-09 18:12:47

It's stirred so many stupid feelings, anger at how we were all treated but still remembering the happy bits

And tbh honest I'm so very lonely. Been on my own for over decade with just the relationship with him and one small one last year.

Shit, why did he have to call

SheWillBeLoved Tue 22-Sep-09 18:28:40

Focus on the angry. I don't know about you, but I'd much rather be lonely than settle for the cheating loser which he obviously is.

And he called because he knows you're a safe bet. You don't care that he has cheated - or so he thinks. Why wouldn't he want you? He'll be able to cheat on you and then turn around when he is caught and say "You knew what I was like".

Don't do it

AnyFucker Tue 22-Sep-09 18:43:57


pull yourself together, you silly bint

SolidGoldBrass Tue 22-Sep-09 18:48:22

FFS don't go there. He just wants his dinner cooked and his dick sucked and his ego stroked. He's probably lost his looks or is losing them by now, last wifey will have either caught him shagging around or realised he's an arse for some other reason and slung him out. So he's thought, oh, hang on, ATM's a reasonable shag and a good cook and all that, I can probably persuade her that she was The One really, and she's probably desperate if she's still single...

squeaver Tue 22-Sep-09 18:52:23

How do you feel about being wife no. 3?

How do you feel about being EX-wife no.3, because you know that's where it's going to end up, don't you?

Anyfucker sums it up.

Kally Tue 22-Sep-09 19:49:09

grin at Solid...

BitOfFun Tue 22-Sep-09 19:54:15

Get yourself out there a bit pet, you don't need to settle for a nobboid because you're lonely.

amtooyoungforthis Tue 22-Sep-09 20:03:35

How do you get out there if all your friends are in couples and don't go out much??

I've tried internet dating but all I have come across are more married men and people who only want sex. I only seem to get messaged by the above or men of pakistani/indian cultures and I just don't find them attractive (sorry if this offends) I get lots of messages from men in Turkey and Nigeria too. I'm a fat person and most men don't want to date someone that shops in Evans

I'm 42, my kids are all over 15 years old, they are out every night having a blast, I'm at homne like an 80 year old woman

I want to be held, to have a conversation, snog and shag, not watch CSI on ukliving every night

boudoiricca Tue 22-Sep-09 20:07:55

Just adding another vote to the Yes, it would be totally stupid to meet up with him again list. Or even entertain thoughts about this going anywhere. Forget him.

But given you are so hung up and feeling low and lonely, what other opportunities do you have to meet new people (men)?

Maybe doing something new, a class, volunteering (not always easy of you are a single parent, I know, but good to make some time for yourself) or even online dating?

Shake things up a bit. There are lots of good men out there. Don't waste energy on this one who's proved himself to be anything but...

boudoiricca Tue 22-Sep-09 20:08:55

sorry X-post, rather spookily.

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