thanks so much for posting this because i am wondering exact same thing. (in other words i don't know,didsbump, but hope you get some advice i can steal) we desperately need some sort of couple therapy but i'm worried it's all going to be too basic or patronising. also what do you do if there is something you know is important to the relationship but you really really don't want dh to know about it......? also, do they force you to say really hurful things or hear really hurtful things. if there is anyone out there with advice on how to make most of relate/pitfalls to avoid plse tell (don't mean to hijack your threat, didsbump, but am desperate.....)
DH and I were in meltdown, stress with 4DC (2 with SNs), business, financial and other personal problems which culminated in DH leaving me for an OW for six weeks (I had no idea as he told me he was staying with mates ).
Anyway we had an emergency appointment and the therapist jumped the waiting list for us due to the utter turmoil we were both in. DH also had a lot of childhood issues that he hadn't dealt with etc. The first session was a joint one and then we had an individual one each and then one joint one a week for the next three months (final one was last week). We are still a work in progress but we know how to communicate properly now and realise how much we mean to each other. I still have "meltdowns" about the affair but we both recognise that this is completely normal and has to be worked through. Patience and tolerance needed on both sides.
I went with my DP and it is the best thing we've ever done, it really helped to move the relationship to another level.
We had been together for years but were at breaking point. DP is totally against this kind of thing so I was v surprised that he agreed to come.
It was at times stressful and difficult but the counsellor was absolutely excellent. It was almost like she was a mindreader the way she could read between the lines and draw things out. It totally helped us to understand each other better and we came out much stronger and closer as a result.
I would recommend it to everyone, even for a MOT if you're not at breaking point.