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Sad & Lonely

(4 Posts)
Blackness Mon 21-Sep-09 09:03:33

Those are 2 words I never thought I would find myself experiencing whilst married, Who did?

I hate myself for feeling like this, my Wife loves me we have a beautiful DS .

I look after DS FT, DW works, I don’t feel second best to DS, I just don’t know what is wrong with me, been feeling like this for months.

Do I feel trapped? Possibly, I simply could not leave as it would devastate our lives, my DW did 6 years at Uni to get to where she is today, If I left she would insist on being FT carer for DS, so I would lose him apart from visits.

My feelings came to a head last night when she when to bed a little early, I went up to bed and she had made a wonderful effort to be sexy, by dressing up. I felt sick at the thought of having sex, and I somehow started an argument. It is not right to feel like that is it?

I dread the weekends, when she had a holiday I was so depressed, I was counting down the days until she went back to work, like a prisoner coming to the end of his sentence

I know these feelings are so selfish, I hate myself so much for even thinking like this.

I keep thinking perhaps it is just a phase, is it? I so hope so, I am desperate to feel in Love again

aRLcat Mon 21-Sep-09 09:25:15

Please go to see your GP as soon as possible. It is not normal or healthy to feel so low! Nor is it fair on any of you.

The resentment that has built up towards your wife is not selfish, it is to some extent natural if you feel that her life is progressing in whays which your is not but your current state seems extreme.

Can you look into something to do part time, whether it's work or courses?

What you are feeling is not dissimilar to that of many at home parents, key to avoiding it is socialising where possible and doing things just for you. You need to regain your sense of self worth!

Try to open communication with your wife, this is not directly her fault so be kind! If at present, you struggle with treating her as a lover or partner then at the very least, treat her as you would a friend; with care and respect.

TimeForMe Mon 21-Sep-09 09:30:58

I wonder if you are feeling unfulfilled as a SAHD. Maybe your self esteem is not as good as it should be and you have started to resent DW for having a career. You say you are sad and lonely but it does sound as though you are bringing this on yourself, your DW seems to be doing all the right things. I think it's lovely that she took the time and made the effort for you last night, I dread to think how she is feeling this morning.

My advice to you would be to look at yourself closely, look at ways to make yourself feel better. I don't know if you are in a position to get part time work or maybe do a course or something but, I do think you need to do something for you, invest in yourself a little.

Malificence Mon 21-Sep-09 09:51:42

My only advice is to tell her how you are feeling, she must be feeling as awful as you are this morning, believe me there is nothing worse for a woman than to be rejected like that after making an effort, it's soul destroying and she will be wondering what it wrong with HER, not you.

The truth may be painful for the both of you but you need to open up so you can both go forward together and work things out, whichever way it goes.
She deserves the truth from you and it just might be the catalyst to save your marriage.

If you honestly don't know why you are feeling this way then it's quite probable you have depression, it sounds like your life is quite empty apart from caring for your son?

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