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Anyone with experience of Relate?

(8 Posts)
pudding77 Sat 19-Sep-09 21:25:06

Relationship with dh seems to be at a very low point, well with me anyway. I was wondering if anyone has had counselling with Relate & if it was worth it?

hambler Sat 19-Sep-09 21:30:10

My experience was negative.In fact damaging.
Others have fared better.
what's the problem?

tillyfernackerpants Sat 19-Sep-09 22:09:25

hambler, sorry to hear that.

There isn't one specific problem, dh doesn't help around the house very much, though he's brilliant with the ds's. I'm a SAHM & the whole routine of the day is getting me down. But according to dh its my problem alone because its my job, he goes out to work so shouldn't have to do anything.

I've tried talking to him about it, writing it down, but it just gets twisted around till its my fault, that I'm being unreasonable.

We've just had another argument about it now & he's stormed off saying that I'm not seeing it from his point of view, & he can't be bothered to talk anymore.

I just don't know anymore if I am being unreasonable or too demanding, that maybe I should just suck it up & get on with it. But tbh I really just want to tell him to leave, that we should separate for a while. In reality though, I couldn't do that to the ds's. So I wondered if Relate could help.

tillyfernackerpants Sat 19-Sep-09 22:10:17

I've just read through & it all sounds so bloody petty, compared to the real problems people have sad

tillyfernackerpants Sat 19-Sep-09 22:11:29

And now I've just outed myself, which I didn't want sad oh well

hambler Sat 19-Sep-09 22:28:53

it's okay no one remembers an "outing " smile

I am guessing your dcs are still young.
A very wise friend told me not to make any big decisions about my relationship when the children were young as it is a very unreal time in your life with unique stresses.
Being at home with kids is dull, stressful, boring, and a joy all rolled into one.

Being the sole earner is not a barrel of laughs either.
Couples get locked into the "competitive exhaustion" game.

The one at home goes through the drudgery ( and joys) , looking forward to their partner getting home from work and taking over.

The working partner thinks they are getting the short end of the stick, having to go out to earn the money, and look forward to returning home as a sort of sanctuary. They think it is a raw deal that they have to earn the cash, and even more of a raw deal if they are expected to take over when they get home.

It's an age old problem.

weather the storm. Gt a babysitter at least once a month and go out with your dh and remind yourself why you got together with him in the first place.

Good luck. xx

tillyfernackerpants Sat 26-Sep-09 08:43:36

hambler, meant to come back and say thank you for your advice.

But now just a week later we're back to square one, dh's needs seem to be a lot more important than mine. And this is our cycle. I get upset, we talk it through and we both make an effort for a few days. Then something will happen or come up and its dh's needs that have to come first.

I just don't know what to do anymore sad

Eve34 Sat 26-Sep-09 09:08:37

Pudding so sorry to hear you are having these problems, I have gone through much the same over the past 3 years. We seperated over the summer. He has now returned home but under new rules for both of us. it has been a long hard struggle but we have tried to meet in the middle.
Is there anyone who could sit down and talk with both of you?
Can you leave him to it for a weekend? don't make this easy leave washing etc and explain what needs to be done.
Others on here have had success with relate, it is about someone else trying to find middle ground.
good luck x

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