making things good/better, not just making do

[time4tea]

I think the world of DH (great dad, etc) but we have been knackered recently with DS x2, demanding jobs, builders in at home, etc so I think have been letting things slide on our relationship (all aspects of it really)and mainly have our best communication about our pair of fabulous DSs.

we go out for dinner once a week, which is good, but I wondered if you had top tips for giving some extra energy to your relationship

[time4tea]

sorry, meant to add, there have been quite a few threads recently which seemed a bit low about the issue of relationships with a lack of zing. given that we haven't stabbed each other in a sleep-deprived frenzy some time over the past 5 years, I think we have a pretty good relationship! just want to have some ideas about getting the groove back (on all levels... not just in the nookie department)

[groundhogs]

No answers for you.. but def watch this thread in case anyone does manage to come up with some pearls of wisdom... cos I could do with some help in the whole relationship department too...

Dinner out once a week's a good idea!

[legrandfromage]

I doubt that anything I have to say about this will be very wise! I can give you chapter and verse on a bad relationship and am still learning what a good one is like (am personally in very unfamiliar territory)

However, what I see from the outside of other successful long-term relationships is that as time moves on the zing is less zingy, but they still have enough in common and enough love and respect for each other to cope with the change. They get out the other side of the intense child-rearing years and have enough left between them to get a groove back, though it is maybe not as exciting a groove as when they were first together,IYKWIM.

OP - you seem to be saying that despite all the busy-ness of RL, you and your DH still have time for each other. How old are the DSs? If they are young, they are bound to be more time-consuming and hog more of the conversation.

and now I'm at the point of rambling about other people's relationships, so I'll leave it there and top up my coffee...!

[mmrsceptic]

I have one tip which is to start emailing each other.

If your dh is at work on a computer then you can send bits of info, ask questions as they come to you, link to news/entertainment items, just a bit of extra communication outside the "hi kids to bed glass of wine telly".

It can also get a lot of the boring stuff out of the way eg all that tedious builder crap.

Sorry if it sounds a bit dull. I think it's really beneficial.

Also, if you don't already you (just you) should go out a night a week to an activity eg am dram book club whatever. It will make you feel more interesting and zingy. Also he will have time at home alone which I think is quite nice for Dads and it helps them relax.

[mmrsceptic]

sorry should say: no it's not stockings about suspenders but that sort of things can sit quite awkwardly on top of a non-zingy relationship .. it's more about improving communication and starting from roots upwards.

[time4tea]

this is all great - mmrsceptic, you must be a mind-reader, "builder crap" is high on our agenda right now...

DSs are 5 (easy as pie) and 2 (gorgeous, but a cheeky prankster) so quite intense still, but tremendous fun

thanks again, I thought this thread had bombed, lovely to read some tips..

[womblemeister]

hi there, i've had similar problems recently and what we did was a) go out to dinner every week b) make big efforts to find our own friends and own interests. Separate lads/girls nights out, that kind of thing. The less time I spend with DH the more I appreciate him, IYSWIM.