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er....is it okay not to take things to the end?

(20 Posts)
Fizzfiend Sat 19-Sep-09 15:04:19

this is an odd sex question. I've been out of the dating loop for a long time having been married for ages, but have now been seeing someone for about a year.

He always satisfies me, but whenever I go down on him, I seem to be down there for ages and although he makes loads of appreciative noises I have only made him come once! do you think it matters? Do you think I should ask him if it matters? I don't want to turn it into a big issue, but feel completely clueless.

Thanks for your advice...

FabBakerGirlIsBack Sat 19-Sep-09 15:06:24

If you are sleeping with him you should be able to talk to him. If it mattered to him wouldn't he have said something by now?

emogedden Sat 19-Sep-09 15:14:56

I have had this problem before myself. Ended up doing the easy thing and finishing it by hand.

Can't stand jaw ache.

echofalls Sat 19-Sep-09 15:16:54

maybe he repects you too much to go all the way....some men are like this I've read about it I'm sure

AnAuntieNotAMum Sat 19-Sep-09 15:56:08

I would definitely talk about it with him.

Malificence Sat 19-Sep-09 16:32:46

It's completely normal for a man out of his teens not to be able to come with oral alone, it's not strong enough stimulation, why do you think the men in porn have to finish themselves off?

It's a very good thing actually, he shouldn't have a problem with PE for one.

If he's anything like my hubby, he only likes to "finish off" inside me, he says it doesn't feel like proper sex if he doesn't!
Even when I'm encouraging him to come in my mouth I have to use hands as well as mouth.

It's nothing to do with your technique!
If he comes normally inside you then he hasn't got a problem, but if he has problems ejaculating at all then he "might" have medical or psychological issues.

purplepeony Sat 19-Sep-09 18:54:39

""It's completely normal for a man out of his teens not to be able to come with oral alone, it's not strong enough stimulation, why do you think the men in porn have to finish themselves off?""

Is it?
My partner is 55 and we/he still manages no problem grin

Do we deserve an award?

Malificence Sat 19-Sep-09 19:08:14

Well it's normal according to Tracey Cox.

You must be able to keep a good rythmn and oral "grip" then PP! I just get lockjaw then start to gag!

I'm pleased to hear we've got at least another 10 good years yet too.

purplepeony Sat 19-Sep-09 19:27:50

One's jaw does ache!

dont take offence.. but..... you could just be giving a poor quality bj.

talk to him. find out what he likes/dislikes about your technique..does he get better satisfied if you use hands at same time.

good luck. enjoy experimenting.

and remember its rude to spit grin

serenity Sun 20-Sep-09 16:44:07

I've honestly never known a single man who never been able to come during a BJ! I thought that in porn, men finished themselves off because it made better film - the 'money shot' They tend to do it in view no matter what they're doing, because people want to see it...

OP - Talk to him. He might have all sorts of reasons, but that's the only way you're going to find out.

purplepeony Sun 20-Sep-09 17:01:16

I suppose the question really is, op, who backs out first?
Does he tell you to stop, or do you stop? How do you know he wouldn't come if you kept going?

OrmIrian Sun 20-Sep-09 17:06:38

I rarely manage that. I get jaw ache, bored and fed up. I usually climb on top of him if he doesn't get the hint that I have had enough!

LittleWhiteWolf Sun 20-Sep-09 18:04:51

My husband has only 3 times from oral sex, but that doesnt bother us. I've only come once from oral sex, too--so its fair!
TBH to us that is foreplay which in 90% of times leads to sex which is when we orgasm. When it doesnt we either finish ourselves off or dont come. The climax isnt the biggest factor to him really.

Talk to your man -- it may not be the be all and end all to him, or he may prefer you do something different. And dont worry!

skihorse Sun 20-Sep-09 18:07:37

My partner is not comfortable ejaculating in my mouth - this is fine, but this is something we've talked about - not something that I'm agonising about after years being in the relationship not knowing the score!

Fizzfiend Sun 20-Sep-09 18:43:33

great advice...thank you. I know, I have to talk...so hard being British!!! And it is me that gives up, not him...I just get bored and think it's going to go on for ever!

lilibet Sun 20-Sep-09 18:48:09

Who was it who posted a fantastic blow job method? It involved using hands as well.

I shall search.............

lilibet Sun 20-Sep-09 18:53:01

I'm very blush that I remembered this from over five years ago!

Check out Nomdeplume here

sayithowitis Sun 20-Sep-09 19:25:55

My DH makes a choice not to come in my mouth because he knows it makes me feel sick! I love to give him a BJ and he thoroughly enjoys me doing it, but I just can't bear the thought of him coming in my mouth, on the odd couple of occasions when it happened, I was sick! He says that though he would like to come in my mouth, he knows that if he did, I probably wouldn't give him any more BJs and he likes them too much to want to lose out over that one thing. Maybe your husband is the same? Or maybe he is unsure how you feel about it and therefore thinks he is being considerate for you?

BTW, dh is well into his 50's and certainly has to make a decision not to come in my mouth, it is nothing to do with it being less stimulationg for him. Maybe he is unusual though, I don't know.

LittleWhiteWolf Sun 20-Sep-09 19:40:23

Was gonna say DH is 23 and takes aaaaaaaaaaaages so i can always come first! So its nothing to do with age!

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