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Am I worrying over nothing?

(25 Posts)
emogedden Sat 19-Sep-09 14:32:03

Hi this is my first post so apologies if it's not easy to read.

Basically I have been with my partner for 3 weeks now but it has been a whirlwind of a romance. I have only been home twice in those 3 weeks and have spent the rest of my time at his place.

Anyway we had a bit of trouble when we first met as an ex (more of a sexbuddy than a girlfriend) was stalking him online and by text wanting to know what was going on with me and him and asking if she could still see him. He deleted her off his online things and blocked her number on his phone but I still get a bit paranoid that they could be in contact.

Tonight we are going out (technically it's our second date) and will be having a drink in the bars he used to go to and she (ex stalker person) will be there and also some of his other ex girlfriends drink there too.

This girl is a known troublemaker and being only about 21 (i am 38) she still acts a bit childish and will prob come over to us and start something.

I'm slightly nervous at what is goint to happen and really not looking forward to the night out. There is no point me explaing this to my boyfriend as he will say I am being silly and to just ignore her.

Any advice please?

LuluMamaaaaarrrrr Sat 19-Sep-09 14:35:13

if he is so dismissive of the potential trouble, then i woudl be questioning things

tell him you are not looking forward to possibly seeng her and would like to go somewhere she does not frequent

if he won;t agree, then i would think he enjoys the attention and the fact she has still got feelings for him

he should be considering your feelings, but is is v v early days and if he is being an arse this soon into things, i'd ditch him

life is too short to have people around you who don't care for your feelings

FabBakerGirlIsBack Sat 19-Sep-09 14:42:11

Partner after 3 weeks? I think you might be taking this more seriously than him. I would have thought he could take you somewhere that isn't full of his exes. hmm.

emogedden Sat 19-Sep-09 14:43:39

I said partner because I felt a bit daft saying boyfriend at first. I feel too old to have a 'boy' friend.

diddl Sat 19-Sep-09 14:51:04

How old is he?

I might be reading this wrong, but it sounds to me like a "pub crawl"-not much of a date!

LuluMamaaaaarrrrr Sat 19-Sep-09 14:52:19

all sounds a bit like he is getting lots of sex, attention from his exes and no commitment and does not have to pay attention to your feelings

emogedden Sat 19-Sep-09 14:52:45

He is 41. We are going to the cinema first and then just for a few drinks afterwards.

Unfortunatly the pubs are all his old hunting grounds............

mrsboogie Sat 19-Sep-09 14:53:56

but he is right, surely not to let this woman interfere with your plans? To go somewhere else jut to avoid her is crediting her with more importance than she merits.

emogedden Sat 19-Sep-09 15:16:30

Thanks for the replies ladies. I have text him and said I hope we are not going to his old pubs tonight. Not had a reply back yet but heyho I have tried.

SheWillBeLoved Sat 19-Sep-09 15:58:43

On a brighter note, surely he wouldn't take the risk of you and her meeting in person if he is still in regular contact with her - I'm sure if he was then she would use that as a way to get at you.

On a not so bright note, he sounds like an insensitive, immature, wannabe playboy. Sleeping with girls half his age? Taking you to his 'hunting grounds' knowing that his past conquests will be there and willing to confront you both? Wouldn't waste my time.

notevenamousie Sat 19-Sep-09 16:33:42

I would slow it down if I were you.

And if you are worried 3 weeks in, I'd call it a day.

ginnny Sat 19-Sep-09 16:52:33

How do you know she'll definitely be there and if she is how do you know she'll definitely start something?
Why should you avoid somewhere just because an ex is in there.
Its not like you have anything to be ashamed of.
He hasn't actually done anything wrong as far as I can see.

emogedden Sat 19-Sep-09 19:32:05

Lots of different opinions. Your all right in a way and I am just going to go out and enjoy myself. If anything happens then it happens.

Thanks ladies xx

purpleduck Sat 19-Sep-09 19:57:12

you are 38...

and you've been basically living at his house for the entire time you have known him

and he has a fuckbuddy... who is half his age?

And he hangs out with her friends.


Is this really, truly what you want for yourself? Have some respect for yourself.

Honestly, both you and your boyfriend sound seriously immature.

preciouslillywhite Sat 19-Sep-09 20:08:46

Aww, leave her alone, she's having fun...

...and isn't everyone worried about something or other, three weeks in? I know I was- with just about everyone I've ever been out with!

Hope you have a blast. Also if I cast my mind back, most of my "dates" have been pub crawls...

<<fond siiiiiiiiigh>>

RealityIsNOTDetoxing Sat 19-Sep-09 20:13:29

Message withdrawn

queenofdenial2009 Sat 19-Sep-09 20:50:06

Run for the hills. Is there seriously only one pub where you live? He's looking for a showdown and having women fighting over him.

preciouslillywhite Sat 19-Sep-09 21:04:47

I'd see what happens. He sounds a bit laid back, and you sound a little bit of a worrier, OP (and I mean that in the nicest possible way!)

...and maybe I've been unfortunate, but I don't think I've ever met a single, 41 yo bloke who, if offered (what he believes to be) No Ties shagging with a 21 yo, would say "no, thank you dear, you're much too young for me" tip his cap and walk away...

[cynical emoticon]

ginnny Sun 20-Sep-09 10:54:50

How did it go then Emogedden?

emogedden Sun 20-Sep-09 19:28:42

Actually we had a very nice night out. No drama no nothing so I was worrying over nothing.

Let me clear a few things up though...

1, Of course I am using protection.

2, What is so wrong with me staying at his house? I am having fun....something I have not had in a long while.

3, She was a fuckbuddy....not is a fuckbuddy.

4, I don't see how this means I have no self respect and is immature but each to there own and your opinion is duly noted.

p.s thank you to the ones who said about me just having fun and enjoying it. It is exactly what I am going to do xxx

AnyFucker Sun 20-Sep-09 20:34:09

but is he your soul-maaaaaaaaaate ??

< folds arms >

preciouslillywhite Sun 20-Sep-09 21:32:55

well done emo glad to hear it!

..tho thought we wouldn't hear from you till at least Wednesday! What are you doing back at home??shock

purpleduck Sun 20-Sep-09 22:39:46

ok, since most of that was for me and what I said....
You've just met someone and you're worried that a 21 year old will cause trouble...?

By " have some self respect" I meant that you, my dear are a grown up. If she came over and started trouble, she would be childish - so you worrying about it is sinking down to her level a bit. Perhaps what I should have said is to gather your dignity around you, and don't worry about what damage a 21 can do.

Although now I am wondering if perhaps you were worried that she would say things you didn't want to hear..?
I meant "fuck buddy" in past tense - I wasn't saying that he is cheating on you.

emogedden Mon 21-Sep-09 08:03:18

Soulmate? Pfffft don't believe in them and am not at home Lilly wink.

Purpleduck I just hate drama when I am out having fun......kind of spoils the mood a little bit.

Anyway it all turned out ok in the end so thanks for all the replys xxx

ginnny Mon 21-Sep-09 12:52:05

Glad you had a good time.
Long may it last grin

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