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who initiates what at the beginning??

(6 Posts)
sparkybint Fri 18-Sep-09 19:37:15

Sorry posted on the fit and interesting thread on lone parents but this is probably the best place. I recently decided to go back to online dating after break-up 3 months ago. Pretty slow start, but am now chatting with a man who seems gorgeous and interesting. Towards the end of our first phone conversation which went amazingly, he suggested meeting up. Neither of us could fix a time there and then because of childcare but I suggested we speak this weekend and try and sort something out.

We've also texted and he's said some really nice things. But I need to get it right this time - I get in such a tizz in the early stages. Do I just let him initiate everything from now on? I've been responding to his texts and saying positive things about how I'm enjoying talking to him etc. Is that all the encouragement he should need? If I haven't heard from him by Sunday is it OK to text him and say have a good trip to NY (he's going there on business for a couple of days on Monday) and to let me know if he'd like to get together when he gets back? What's the view on who initiates what right at the beginning?

ilovespagbol Fri 18-Sep-09 20:10:36

You could text on sunday, say have a good trip and ask him to let you know when a good time would be to meet up. Keep it casual and friendly. Imagine you are him - nice to get that text but perhaps don't text when he is away as you have a fully and busy life too. Its up to him then to sort his childcare and give you some possible dates. Iwould say don't text him again until you hear.... grin

sparkybint Fri 18-Sep-09 20:44:38

sounds like a good plan...thanks!

ginnny Fri 18-Sep-09 23:00:50

My golden rule is always text once and don't text again until you get a reply.
It is nice to say you hope he has a good trip, and that he should let you know some dates when he's free, but then leave it to him to respond.
IME men hate feeling hassled or chased and you don't want to come across as clingy or needy.
Good luck!

Nancy66 Sat 19-Sep-09 08:43:21

I don't recommend getting into a regular texting thing until you have met - at this stage he's just a stranger you encountered online. He doesn't need to be texting you to ask how you are, how your day went etc...I find it really weird and over familiar when guys do that.

Send him one final text saying you hope he has a good trip and do let you know when he'd like to meet up. Then leave it - if his next text doesn't suggest a date, ignore it.

sparkybint Sat 19-Sep-09 11:23:49

Yes, I agree Nancy, it's weird when you meet someone online and there's this illusory thing that you know eachother. We arranged a date last night for next weekend so won't initiate anything myself now beyond saying have a good trip.

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