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What reasons might you have for "not bothering to get time off work" to go away for a weekend to celebrate a big anniversary with your DH?

(18 Posts)
lisbey Fri 18-Sep-09 17:39:30

DH's friend is very upset because he and his DW reached a milestone anniversary this week, he wanted to arrange a weekend away, but "she couldn't be bothered to find out if she could have the time off work". She has a part-time job, which involves working Saturday mornings.

I know, none of my business, but I do have a genuine reason to ask.

PlumBumMum Fri 18-Sep-09 17:41:29

Sounds like she dosen't want to go,
or she has been taking time off that he dosen't know about and has no holidays left

crokky Fri 18-Sep-09 17:44:18

I know a man who makes little effort with anything (unless it is to help himself), but wants to be "showy" on occasions like Christmas and anniversaries. Could it be that the man in question is like this and the woman feels that the weekend away is a charade (sp?)?

redwiner Fri 18-Sep-09 17:46:28

There's always another way to look at this, could she be playing it really cool because she's actually got something booked as a surprise and doesn't want him to book soemthing as well and can't think of another way to not give the game away? Just a thought, if you know the people concerned and to be offish to her DH is unlike her I would think that could be an option.

lisbey Fri 18-Sep-09 17:56:01

red- I hope you're right, but he went on his usual weekly lads night out on the actual day of the anniversary, because she wanted to spend the time on her hobby/new career. She has a hobby, which she hopes will become a business, which seems to be taking all her time (to the extent that the children are neglected, according to him)

Is it possible to be so absorbed in something that you don't want to spend time with your DH when he's making a effort?

PlumBumMum Fri 18-Sep-09 17:56:56

oh redwiner good on you for thinking better of the dw< I automatically thought bad,

(quite dissappointed in myself always thought I was a glass half full persongrin)

lisbey Fri 18-Sep-09 18:08:12

or could both these things be symptoms of depression? i.e finding excuses not to engage with DH or DCs. He thinks she's had enough of being a wife and mother, but I can't comprehend that. If he had a "problem" he could deal with (i.e. by getting help for her) he would be very supportive I am sure, but he is ready to give up sad

Anniegetyourgun Fri 18-Sep-09 19:06:08

Maybe she just doesn't like him very much. A weekend away would be a punishment rather than a treat in such circumstances.

Or maybe there's one heck of a lot more to it than you're hearing from his side. I know the things XH said about me when our marriage was half-way down the pan - sometimes he said them in front of me - and it couldn't have been further from the truth. Me being fixated on work and neglecting the children was the least of it. I'm not saying it's necessary anything like this in your friend's case, but it is quite hard to actually know...

Tortington Fri 18-Sep-09 19:07:15

maybe she just doesn't like him

lisbey Fri 18-Sep-09 19:28:06

Yes. All so sad though. I've know him (through DH) for c. 10 years. They've been together much longer. I remember how proud he was when she got her first job after 10 years as a SAHM.

2rebecca Fri 18-Sep-09 21:50:33

If she's really into her hobby at the moment then maybe this just isn't a convenient time. My husband is much more into anniversaries than I am. To me our wedding anniversary is just a date, we'd been living together for a while before and nothing really changed on that date. The date when we moved in together is more memorable and special to me.
If a man had a hobby he was hoping to become a business he wouldn't be berated for neglecting the children. He doesn't sound very supportive of her, just upset he's not going for a weekend away.

GrendelsMum Sat 19-Sep-09 12:24:11

I agree with 2rebecca - some people are more into annivesaries than others. Frankly, I just don't care about them - and if she's developing a new business, she probably hasn't got time to go away for a weekend. Weekends away can be a bit of a hassle, really, can't they?

fluffles Sat 19-Sep-09 12:29:39

sounds like they're not getting on very well, sometimes one member of the couple can think a 'weekend away' will solve that while the other person wants something else to change and doesn't want to spend a weekend away until those things have changed.

purpleduck Sat 19-Sep-09 12:30:46

This is from HIS point of view. Maybe there is much more to this than you know, and he is just thinking its her fault.

<<projecting own life onto strangers emoticon>>

cat64 Sat 19-Sep-09 12:40:25

Message withdrawn

purpleduck Sat 19-Sep-09 12:58:24

good point cat
- perhaps the dw in question didn't want to sort it out, find childcare, do the packing, cleaning etc.....

Maybe she's just not that bothered about anniversaries? I'm not, always forget mine. To me my relationship is more about a day to day marriage ratehr than making an effort once a year. Maybe she would rather her DH takes her away at a random time because he actually wants to rather than because he feels he ought to to celebrate something which is really just a pointless date.

Of course maybe the DH does want to as well as thinking its the done thing, but does she know that?

lisbey Sat 19-Sep-09 18:57:16

He's not upset that she doesn't want to celebrate the anniversary, more that she doesn't want to do anything with him atm. He's feeling neglected and I agree he could/should be more supportive of her new career aims.

He's not bitching about her though, just really sad that he can't "reach" her.

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