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searching for biological father

(7 Posts)
roseability Fri 18-Sep-09 17:32:09

I am considering searching for my biological father

I knew my mother and her side of the family (adopted by my maternal grandmother) but have never had any contact with him.

Apparently he had no intention of sticking around, was a bit of a waste of space and left when I was 4 months old

Has anyone found their father? Am I just heading for a let down?

After all he hasn't contacted me in all these years. My family situation is very, very complicated (lots of secrecy and lies) so I am not one hundred percent convinced that I know the full story.

I just can't believe that he never thinks about his daughter out there

roseability Fri 18-Sep-09 17:48:24


Nancy66 Fri 18-Sep-09 18:15:19

If it's something you feel you need to do then do it. But it's probably wise to go into it expecting to be disappointed.

He might refuse to see you, he might completely ignore you or you could hook up really not get on at all.

As long as you go into it with your eyes open and with no real expectation.

I hope you find the answers you're looking for. I know that I would need to at least try and trace my mother or father if I was adopted for estranged from them. I think we all need to know where we came from and need to have looked into the eyes of the person that brought us into the world.

legrandfromage Fri 18-Sep-09 18:35:36

you need to be open minded about what you find. He might be happy to get to know you, he might not. You don't say how mich time has elapsed - it could be that the longer he has left it to get in touch the harder it has become to get in touch in the first place. On the other hand, he could still be a complete waste of space and not worth knowing.

FabBakerGirlIsBack Fri 18-Sep-09 18:40:04

I have seen my father twice in my life, when a baby and when I was 18 when we were in the same shop purely by chance, but I didn't speak.

I have always known about him and he obviously knew I had been born and then was in care.

We had 3 conversations 4 years ago and then nothing since.

No loss to me.

roseability Fri 18-Sep-09 19:36:03

thanks guys I have no expectations and I have had a wonderful father in law who has been a healing father figure in my life.

Nancy - exactly as you said. I don't really want or need a new father in my life. I just want to meet my maker so to speak.

alison56 Fri 18-Sep-09 20:59:18

I met my dad in similar circumstances to the ones you describe.

I felt I had to know where I came from.

He was a total let down but it was easy to move on because we'd never had a relationship.

I was glad I'd contacted him. I was sad he wasn't the man I'd hoped he might have been but it did piece together the jigsaw, at least.

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