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I have had to admit defeat...

(10 Posts)
slimbo Thu 17-Sep-09 19:41:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheArmadillo Thu 17-Sep-09 19:50:30

You are not a failure. You have been very brave in getting back on the ADs.

You sound like you have been through hell and that can destroy anyone. But it hasn't destroyed you. You realised there was a problem and took steps to fix it. Being a failure means refusing to get help - you didn't do that.

You don't get over stuff like that in a day - it will take a while.

Be more gentle on yourself and allow yourself time.

Well done and onwards and upwards smile

overmydeadbody Thu 17-Sep-09 19:51:10

Please don't see going back on anti-depresants a faiure or admitting defeat.

Depression is caused by a lack of certain chemicals in your brain at the levels needed to keep your mood up, the anti-depressants just supply you with the chemicals your brain should be producing itself but isn't (like diabetics taking insulin). It is not a failure to take them.

They will hopefully improve your mental state so you can then sort things out and start moving on and building your new life up for you and your DD. They will enable you to then make positive changes in your life and start seeing the good things in your situation.

I am sorry you feel this way but things will get better.

DippyDino Thu 17-Sep-09 22:07:47

My goodness I cannot believe that you are writing yourself off at just 36! You have LOADS of time to meet someone. I promise you that time will pass, you will meet new people, your daughter will change and develop (and hopefully give you an easier time!) and you will look back amazed that you ever, ever regretted not being with your exH. And for those dark tomes - there is mumsnet!

And well done for going back on the AD's.

groundhogs Thu 17-Sep-09 22:50:54

Be kind to yourself, you are holding up well enough. Of course you are finding things hard, the rest of us would have crumbled before now...

You are strong, even if YOU don't think so, I think you are.. and I bet i'm not the only one.

It will get better. Hang in there! All that failure talk is not you speaking, it's the depression.... take the tablets and don't think twice about it. you're getting rid of an infection... nothing more... it'll take a while, but you WILL win!

macdoodle Thu 17-Sep-09 23:48:26

I am 38 and a fat, single parent to a cheeky 8 year old and a demanding toddler!
My XH and I split in a very acrimonious way..
I have now met a gorgeous 35 year old single man, who loves me and my girls, AND wants to have a baby!!
There is a future even if it doesnt feel like it, and a much better one !

Unlikelyamazonian Fri 18-Sep-09 02:18:51

macdoodle I saw him first. Back off. grin

Slimbo, at noon on june 6th last year my husband got on a plane with 20k of our money and abandoned us to shag whores. He left me with no money and our lovely baby.

God only knows how we all survive such shit, but we just do. The fact that you have written something on here shows that you are not defeated.

You are alive and down, but on the way back up.

Give yourself a cheer for keeping going and honestly, once the wood emerges from the trees you will start to smile again. You stupid ex seems to have too much control over your time and thoughts...he does not have a monopoly on things. You could pack your daughter some sunnies and cream and bugger off to Skiathos for a week of sun, sand and sangria. I'll come too and buy a round babysit


Unlikelyamazonian Fri 18-Sep-09 02:26:56

Also, I am on ADs and I consider them a badge of honour! 60mg of prozac a day. I love em. They have been a life-saver. Its not a sign of failure, its a sign of shouting out for help and god we all need help in various guises at times! How did they manage in medieval times with no ADs and no dentists and no Strictly?

I suppose there were more varied kinds of butterflies to look at back then And maybe dodos weren't extinct.

Can you Imagine that?? All those fucking annoying butterflies all the time and no Strictly on the non-existent telly? hmm

<<wanders off to find a psychotherapist>>

mathanxiety Fri 18-Sep-09 17:26:10

Slimbo -- ADs are no shame, and you'll feel stronger when they kick in. What you've gone through is horribly traumatic, and be kind to yourself in your self-talk. You are under attack by your H, with his manipulation and his attempts to intimidate you through your DC. Probably the solicitor has made him realise you're not completely under his thumb, and this has really shaken him. Of course, he doesn't want to face the reality that he has screwed this up completely, so he's now blaming you for taking the step of going to a solicitor. That's exactly what abusers do. Stay on the ADs until the whole thing is well and truly over. A man like this can mess up your head.

whatdoyouallthink Sat 19-Sep-09 08:48:26

Like the other posters say you are doing well and you are strong! These things are always up and down and most people who have been throught this would have had similar feelings to you. I know I felt like it was 5 steps forward and then 10 back at times.

Do you have any friends or family close by who could help you our with your dd? Or even someone who could come round and cook you dinner so you get a break? It really will make a difference.

I struggled with asking him what he was doing or where he had been but in time you really wont care. Its just odd to start with when your used to asking or knowing this little bits of information.

And ignore your exH turning it round on you for sending solicitors letters, he is just trying to make himself feel better. My H said I made sure it was over as the day he left me and our 3 dc for an 18yr old with not a penny I sorted out my tax credits and other benefits hmm He never made sure it was over then by shagging her!angry

You are not a failure for taking ADs and your life is certainly far from over. Think of it as a new brighter chapter. You never know what or who is round the corner. Good luck.

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