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Need advice. MIL,

(3 Posts)
Brewster Thu 17-Sep-09 11:31:39

So... I dunno where to start but basically I am totally unhappy with me life.
I feel my husband puts a 'dampener' on everything. I am in therapy for postnatal depression which I have had for over a year now. He has only recently started to help out a bit with our son and stuff but it is very sporadic. He gets mooody and isnt very emotional, conversational, affectionate or seem very interested in making our lives more interesting in any way.

My MIL is very passive aggressive and a few months ago when 13month old when to stay for the weekend she gave him night feeds and extra milk feeds in the day despite my respeatedly telling her he only gets 2 bottles a day now. She lied to my face about it and it took days for my husband to say anything to her about it. It made me feel like she was making out I wanst doing a good enough job with the baby and she needed to step in cos she kept going on about how he needs more milk etc.
It took her a week to apologise to me and now she hardly makes any effoprt to get in touch (we used to email a few times a day).
I am so sick of dealing with all these people's issues.
We have 2 dogs who I look after 100% (he hasnt walked them in over a year) I do the admin for one of my husband's company's, I do all the cleaning, stay home and look after our son and he comes home and leaves his stuff everywhere, makes a mess and leaves it more me.
He is very inconsiderate and we argues about it and then he improves for a week and things get better then he goes back to his old self - - it islike being on a rollercoaster.

All these knocks and I dont know if I love him. Sometimes I feel it would be easier without him (couldnt manage financially though).
I tell him so often how I am feeling and how things need to be different etc but like I said ..he may change for abit then back again.

Dont get much enjoyment out of things and I just feel very unloved, unapprciated, taken for granted and this just isnt what I wnated from life or a marriage.....

DoodleNoo Thu 17-Sep-09 17:42:50

Do feel for you - you say you have postnatal depression - but have you considered that he may be depressed too? He's obviously not getting much more joy out of life than you are. Would be be open to that sort of suggestion or would he just poo-poo it like most men? I know I'd struggle to get mine to seek help....

mathanxiety Thu 17-Sep-09 17:47:24

How about hiring a cleaning lady and telling him after the fact? After all, you're working in admin for the DH and taking care of DS. Sometimes it takes an actual bill from someone else for a H to understand exactly what a W contributes, and putting a monetary value on it makes your work seem more valuable. I would also tell him you'll need a salary for the admin work you're doing. Plus, hire a dog walker and someone to scoop poo from the garden. As for the MIL, I'd say either limit DS's contact with her on her own turf or try to keep more perspective about what she feeds DS when he's with her. Grannies ime often cope with small children/ babies by feeding them too much because that's simpler and easier than running around after them and engaging them in play -- just plop them in the high chair and sit down yourself too, IYSWIM, same for bottles -- anything for a bit of quiet. They justify this by saying the child was hungry, etc. Your feelings about what MIL meant by her remarks are in your power to control -- read between the lines and don't be paranoid; she was being defensive, imo.

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