DH and I had an enormous argument late last night. Its been a very tense few years and its almost the same argument that always happens, it just varies in its severity.
Anyway, to cut a long story short, it got nasty, a plate was smashed (me), all the buttons of a shirt were torn (me), there was a bit of shoving on both parts, and things were said that can't ever be unsaid. Vicious things that cut deep.
Today, I need to be busy, I have a variety of people I need to see and I need to be able to get through the day.
My mind is racing though, I can't focus on anything (I can't ever normally!) and trying to hold on to my tears, when I need to cry until I can't anymore, makes me feel like my chest might burst.
How can I get through the day?
How can I focus and get this to the back of my mind until the day is over and my children sleeping?
I need to timetable my upset really. What a strange place to find yourself. I've regularly done it before, only today it seems unattainable.
I am like a cat on a hot tin roof, but I need to be a swan until I can fall apart in private.
I was going to prepare dinner, but I don't want to include him.
I was going to shove on a wash, but I don't want to wash his stuff.
Its his birthday soon and I really need to get a photo enlarged and framed, but I don't want to anymore nor do I even want to think about buying him stuff.
It seems everything I think of doing today only throws up my childish feelings of wanting to cut him off. I couldn't even speak to him this morning and he roared off in his car dramatically.
Sorry. This is a mess. Just like my head.
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Relationships
I need someone to tell me straight what I have to do to get through today
droplet · 17/09/2009 09:22
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