Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Are you ACTIVELY, gorgeously IN LOVE with your DP?

(85 Posts)
runawayquickly Wed 16-Sep-09 22:32:59

I'm asking the question because I can't work out if I am not in love with DP or if the routine, kids, money worries, work hassles etc have got in the way or if there's genuinely just nothing left. We act like business partners.
I look around and though not as bad as we are, I don't see many friends/contemporaries who are affectionate and loving in a spontaneous way. Am I just unlucky and seeing everything through poo smeared glasses? sad
What d you think... does he bring loads of joy to your life after 10 years + ?

Hulababy Wed 16-Sep-09 22:36:55

Been married 11 years; together 19y. Still very very happy.

ninah Wed 16-Sep-09 22:38:23

if it makes you feel better 5 years is my absolute limit
I'd imagine if you have the stamina to get to 10 the sky's your limit

Katisha Wed 16-Sep-09 22:39:21

I think being "in love" changes over the years and can't stay the romantic ideal of yoof.

For many cultures/historical periods marriage is/was a business partnership in some ways, and I don't think that's necessarily a bad component in any marriage even now. Family life is a sort of business.

I suppose one way to tell is - would you miss him if he wasn't there?

runawayquickly Wed 16-Sep-09 22:40:44

grin
I may be a retarded Liz Taylor after all.
Hula, that's lovely... I wish I knew the secret. What... you still FANCY him, kiss and everything?

DogAgain Wed 16-Sep-09 22:41:35

Message withdrawn

Hulababy Wed 16-Sep-09 22:42:16

lol runawayquickly: 'fraid so!

But things do change. Obviously relationships are not the same after several years. But IME they deepen and becoe more inrooted, more deepset. In other words they change for the better.

TimothyTigerTuppennyTail Wed 16-Sep-09 22:42:22

I can't stand mine.

clutteredup Wed 16-Sep-09 22:42:23

I'm like you runaway - 10 years this year it was - but on the odd occasion - I mean very odd!our 10yr anniversary was the first in a few years- we got a chance to go out and have dinner and a night away while the GPs babysat and we were quite surprised to discover that we are still there like it used to be - its just in the day to day there's no time for that but I guess we know its there somewhere underneath, sometimes its hard to remember.sad

runawayquickly Wed 16-Sep-09 22:43:07

and Katisha, he often isn't here for work and everything runs far more smoothly, though we need his contribution to get by financially...

runawayquickly Wed 16-Sep-09 22:47:18

Clutteredup,
Had a few weekends like you did over the last ten years and realised after a while I only decided we were still there' when I was under the influence of FLAGONS of nice wine we couldn't normally afford.
At the ironing board/doing the packed lunches/wonering hay he hasn't paod the council tax I am beyond any affection I could have felt then.

runawayquickly Wed 16-Sep-09 22:48:48

Sorry, rubbish typing and spelling and TTTT, I think you've just hit the nail on the head. Admit this and move on? !!!!!

TimothyTigerTuppennyTail Wed 16-Sep-09 22:57:25

Move on to where?

runawayquickly Wed 16-Sep-09 23:06:45

I think you may have a point. Um.... I have no idea. Maybe if I had a wee bolt hole I'd be off. Aaaa, b-o-l-t-h-o-l-e......

millenniumfalcon Wed 16-Sep-09 23:14:38

fraid so. together 16 years, but no kids for the first ten, and got together at 18 so did a fair bit of growing up together, so a different set (lack) of pressures to most people probably.

we're each other's other/better half - we're ourselves and we accept each other as that, but we moderate each other. we're affectionate, supportive, we have fun together and apart, fancy each other and look forward to time together. and tbh my respect for him has increased massively since we had kids. i couldn't have known when we got together as kids what a fantastic dad he'd be, that's just luck - or good judgement wink

i'm trying not to gush, that's my unromantic assessment of our relationship, it can happen.

Portofino Wed 16-Sep-09 23:14:41

Depends really. I lust after George Clooney. DH enfuriates me sometimes, and I just don't get him wanting to spend all weekend checking the football results and playing World of Warcraft. He's 52 ffs, not 15. We don't have sex nearly often enough.

But, I'm not perfect either. He is so great with dd and has much more patience playing games/doing puzzles than me. He travels a lot for work, and I kind of miss him, but not miss him. I have wine and the remote control but I'm so happy when he rings me. We have many shared jokes, and get the giggles sometime. Sometimes we drink too much and dance round the kitchen.

In my imagination lives "Perfect Man" but of course he doesn't exist. We are a "joint enterprise". It is not always easy. Sometimes it is hard, but we are in it for the long haul. We agree on how to bring up dd and our long term plans and have a vision of our "old age". Together.

Portofino Wed 16-Sep-09 23:18:57

Sorry - sounded a bit clinical. There are cuddles/ Lots of cuddles! I think in any long term relationship with kids routine DOES take over. Can you take some time out just the two of you?

TheFallenMadonna Wed 16-Sep-09 23:22:35

I rather think I am...

aristocat Wed 16-Sep-09 23:25:06

i am another happy one
together 25 years this week and i fancy DH more now than evershock

is this allowed?

runawayquickly Wed 16-Sep-09 23:39:56

It IS bloody allowed, I love it! Happy for you!
So nice to think there are non-smugs just getting on with life together and having the good, bad and maybve just the NORMAL times with a shared smile and a wee conspiratorial giggle! smile
I guess I didn't need to ask the question cos I know what's what. Dh and I were definitely like that in the first few years of just living together, but it's gone. I know it's probably for good. Eveything from tomorrow's dinner to telly channel to ds's secondary schools is an opposite view and it exhausts me. Can't think what would ever make it come back to a nice middle ground. feel sad, but in a strange way glad this is not NORMAL.
Hope you understand

pasturesnew Wed 16-Sep-09 23:40:43

Yes, 11 years together, 8 married and my love and respect for DH just increases all the time, it's particularly attractive seeing him grow in fatherhood as our son gets older.

But it is still definitely better when we see more of each other, and/or are not that stressed for other reasons like work or tiredness. I don't think anyone has romance on their minds when busy at the ironing board or paying the council tax or whatever.

When was the last time you had a holiday runawayquickly? Sounds like you need that sort of break, rather than a break from DH.

hmc Wed 16-Sep-09 23:44:13

Christ no!

runawayquickly Wed 16-Sep-09 23:48:59

Pasturesnew, our last holiday was 2004... you may have hit the nail on the head there, but since there is no money for anything other than bare bones living at the mo, it'll be a while till we can get there. Good thinking though, we do need a break. TOGETHER if need be

pasturesnew Wed 16-Sep-09 23:52:01

Could you maybe houseswap with a sibling or good friend for a weekend and maybe get them to take the kids too so you and DH can have a bit of a break together?

sayithowitis Wed 16-Sep-09 23:52:46

Oh Yes!!! fancy the pants off him. Lots of cuddles, kisses, anywhere and everywhere. Just have to make sure kids are not around, or at least in another room. Nothing like teenage kids to make you 'choose' your moments iyswim.

Been together over 31 years, married for over 27.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now