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Advice on moving far away from H on divorce

(8 Posts)
Mumfun Wed 16-Sep-09 11:44:42


Have separated from H. He had affair with woman in our social circle, left me open to STDs etc, totally betrayed me. Had total mid life crisis and was a shit to me and kids for a while. Now separated 6 months - is playing the angelic father again.

Wants to see children, but only one night per week (does work away from home a lot)and at weekends - have let him have open access at weekends as for a while looked as if we could reconcile. That is pretty well gone now so have to look realistically to permanent separation.

H earns a lot of money so has provided fine for us (Im SAHM) Have 3 and 5 year olds. Not violent but some definite passive aggressive stuff. Blames me for everything - all my fault.

One child has some special needs and is pretty challenging to deal with. I also have a disability which will worsen a lot long term -it is not known yet how bad it will get - the specialists cant tell. But I think I will be significantly disabled within 15 years.

I moved to London to be with H - his family also live here. They have totally ignored me since separation - no contact at all.

I have no support - the area I live is very mobile -I made some really good friends here - but all have gone the last few years except one - who is sure to move in next few years as she doesnt want to stay. The kids are in a good school but it is a very mobile area and they have asked me are we moving house as theyve seen a lot of people move and leave.I do know some of the parents at the school but they arent good friends IYSWIM

I did have family in this area but theyve moveed too in the last year. Ive had a great year TBH

I would like to move to a more stable area where I would get more support - there is a city a couple of hundred miles away where I would feel happier, have more support and where the kids would get good schooling ( also more stable as the other kids wouldnt keeep leaving all the time)

So my questions are:

1) I think I would be allowed to move by a court in my circumstances of having no support - or would I?

2) My H works away a lot so at weekends he could just fly to this city instead of London - Im thinking the kids wouldnt be that inconvenienced in seeing him. I would also be prepared to travel to London with them once a month and they could see him then in a new place.

3) Am I being really awful in thinking about this. The trouble is I have no support here at all - the kids and I could be ill as we have been recently and noone would care if we lived or died. H says he is there for us but hes really not -and after being so deceived and betrayed by him I cant trust him

Im in a really tough place and could use some advice !

BonsoirAnna Wed 16-Sep-09 11:49:21

If you move away, it should be somewhere where you have family of your own. Otherwise I don't think you can justify moving away from your exH and effectively preventing your children from having any chance of normality with their family and grandparents etc.

GypsyMoth Wed 16-Sep-09 11:55:04

what do you think he will say?

he could file a prohibited steps order to prevent the school change. he can't stop you moving,but he could use this to keep the kids in place.

Mumfun Wed 16-Sep-09 12:08:06

H would stop me if he can.

The family thing is a problem - bluntly the kids didnt see much of the family before thee separation - now he is making sure it happens a lot - but there are issues of alcoholism, drugs and violence in the past - but he says no issue now. Im not so sure.

Mumfun Thu 17-Sep-09 07:58:00


tvaerialmagpiebin Thu 17-Sep-09 08:06:22

It is hard. Have you seen a solicitor, a good family law specialist one? Some will do a free consultation.

I think that each case would be considered on its merits if it went to court, and all solicitors will tell you that court should be the last resort. They will advise mediation, trying to sort the arrangements "amicably" where possible.

Do you have a particular city in mind, are there people there who could support you, or your own family?

To be very blunt - you can do what you like, but if it comes to court it would probably be seen as unreasonable of you to up sticks knowing he disapproved. What sort of relationship do the dcs have with him? Do you have a diary of incidents? (if not, start one, write down all the deceits etc, and the issues with his famly).

Best of luck.

missingtheaction Thu 17-Sep-09 08:06:55

does it have to be somewhere 200 miles away? couldn't you move somewhere closer but more stable? are you talking about moving from (say) London to York - why not London to somewhere more commuter/suburban so he can still get to see them but you have a more stable base?

Mumfun Thu 17-Sep-09 12:37:34

it is so hard. I dont have any support except for a city over 200 miles away or go back to my home country -European country so flights always to get to.I cant go anywhere closer as zero support.

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