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dh has told me he doesn't know if he loves me

(6 Posts)
mumnanny1 Tue 15-Sep-09 19:38:34

We have two children 4 yrs and 8 months and have been married for 10 years. I knew we were having problems but I niavely thought they could be sorted out. I feel partly relieved as in my heart of hearts I knew things weren't rosey.His lack of interest in sex and just not talking to me have been upsetting me for a long time, but I feel gutted that he doesn't even want to try to work things out. He wants to stay for the sake of the children. I have agreed to this and we have been trying to carry on as normal. I can't help feeling that it is going to be impossible to maintain things as they are long term though. There are so many what ifs.

MissGreatBritain Tue 15-Sep-09 20:58:32

You poor thing, it sounds horrible. I do think though that staying together for the children is never really a good idea. I know it will be hard, but I think if you really aren't happy then you should split. At least your 8 month old won't remember anything about the break. I split from my ex when DD was 18 months old, and it was the most difficult decision I've ever had to make, but definitely the right one. Sorry to be so negative, but I don't think it will do any of you any good to stay together.

Tortington Tue 15-Sep-09 21:02:54

sounds like cake an eat it to me. sounds like he might think the grass is greener - but you'll do fer a bit.

tell him to get fucked. solicitor - tell him

tell him you want a man to fuck you sideways and all this fluffing about is rubbish

see what he says then - they forget you will also one day fuck someone else.

TheCrackFox Tue 15-Sep-09 21:09:53

I don't think you can carry on for very long living together but not as a couple. It is not very fair on you and it is confusing for your DCs. Do you really want to model such a crap relationship to them?

You have not long had a baby and I think he is acting like a Cunt (sorry) to you. Does he want his shitty pants washed an ironed whilst you are miserable?

I think it might be wise to visit Relate. Not with him but on your own. It will give you a chance to vent to an impartial person.

Also make an appointment with CAB and find out exactly what your rights are.

It might be worth your while looking for a solicitor. It doesn't mean you are getting divorced but it is good to have one just in case.

Finally, you might not want to hear this, be prepared for there to be another woman.

HappyWoman Tue 15-Sep-09 21:11:09

please dont stay for the children.
I wish my parents had split up - i always thought they stayed because of us.
My mum is now too ill to care for herself. So my dad looks after someone he has no respect for and she is cared for by someone she resents. Too late now though - what a waste of 2 lives.

You do not have to put up with this - if he wants out then he should have the balls to do the right thing and not allow you to be second best. you are worth more than this - he is just scared to let you go and find it.

HappyWoman Tue 15-Sep-09 21:13:22

Yes see a solicitor - it will make you see what your rights are if the worst comes - and you hopefully wont feel so scared of it. I can honestly say it made me feel so much more in control - and we never did get divorced.

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