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Is he a git or just a bloke?

(21 Posts)

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aRLcat Mon 14-Sep-09 15:12:37

You don't need to alienate him but you do need firm boundaries. His behaviour is despicable, please forgive yourself for going where you did.

Being pg to a philandering ex is traumatic enough as it is without the added trauma of giving yourself a hard time.

It is difficult to lay out boundaries when he's all too happy to take advantage and you are pg to him but you will feel so much stronger when they start to work and he learns to respect them.

Allow him to be involved on your terms, don't let him use you anymore. It is a long and difficult path but it can work out reasonably well, boundaries being key, IME.

It sounds as though you are managing the situation well! You've gone from his initial reaction to a place where he is at least involved in AN apts. I see this as a positive.

All you need to do now is dig him out of your heart and mind in the sense of partner or support material ...and get to your local GUM clinic asap.

aRLcat Mon 14-Sep-09 15:14:42

p.s. He is without a doubt a class 'A' git wink but it doesn't mean he can't be a good father x

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warthog Mon 14-Sep-09 16:55:21

i think he is showing his true colours. perhaps he thought he could play happy families but he can't.

i think your best bet is to move on and not allow him that opportunity again. he's not suddenly going to change and provide you with the support you deserve. he will continue with this mind fuckwittage. he got quite a nice deal from his last encounter.

allow him the chance to be a dad by all means, but don't let him go further than that. you will be cast aside again. sorry

BitOfFun Mon 14-Sep-09 17:07:21


AnyFucker Mon 14-Sep-09 17:25:18

utter git

you have learned a hard lesson there

I trust you won't make the same mistake again

all contact in the future must be business-like and to do with the baby

no more "cosy" evenings together

I expect he is still boffing this other piece too, so you have been royally fucked-over

sorry x

AnyFucker Mon 14-Sep-09 17:28:11

and btw, not all blokes are like this

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warthog Mon 14-Sep-09 18:05:29

i don't think he's finding this hard at all! he gets to bonk this other woman, swan into your antenatal appts and play happy partner. get another couple of shags, swan off to do god knows what. doesn't take responsibility for anything. he's a prize wanker. thank your lucky stars you weren't living with him or you'd have a cocklodger on your hands.

use this to harden your resolve. you're doing fabulously well, bloody hard being single and pregnant. you've given him another chance and he blew it. you have made an effort and he has taken advantage.


no more.

AnyFucker Mon 14-Sep-09 19:05:43

< applauds warthog >

OP, feeling all sentimantal about this fucker is what led you to shag him again in the 1st place

get cold

get practical

or get used again

boudoiricca Mon 14-Sep-09 19:22:16


Friend of mine said something interesting the other day, about how men seem so much more able to just shut the door on past relationships / emotions whilst we still ponder / yearn / question... (Yes, something of a generalisation, but there's truth in it I think).

I suggest you need to take that approach here. Close the door on your past dynamic with him right now. For good. Work out the parenting thing, but make peace with saying goodbye to the rest of it. Otherwise this git is going to have a merry old time sauntering in and out of your bed (and who knows who elses) whilst you drive yourself crazy trying to understand what's going on (short answer: he just wants to get laid / he's a git).

lostlenore Mon 14-Sep-09 19:22:24

Hmm, I really hope you can get over him, or at least blackmail him into feeling really guilty....

What an arsehole. I would be quite happy pulling all his veins out with tweezers (can you tell I've known someone like that?)

deste Mon 14-Sep-09 21:08:32

Your not an idiot, put it down to experience and move on. Now you will be ready for him, everything on your terms now.

SolidGoldBrass Mon 14-Sep-09 21:18:06

Yes, avoid sleeping with him again (but don't beat yourself up for having done it - it was understandable). He's not a good partner for you but he may well be a good co-parent in the future. And that's how you have to think of him now: co-parent (which is basically a family member whose irritating ways you kind of put up with by telling yourself that s/he is just a bit of a berk and not worth worrying about.) A good co-parent is a great asset: lots of free childcare from someone who loves the DC as much as you do.
You're developing the right attitude towards him alreayd: percieving him as emotionally immature and someone you're sick of making efforts to please. Soon you will be able to treat him with amused friendly detachment for real (in the mean time, fake it till you make it)
Good luck with your PG. It might be worth cultivating some supportive female friends/relatives as potential birth partners unless he's hugely and consistently keen to be there for the birth. you don't want the added stress of worrying about whether or not he's going to turn up on the day.

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aRLcat Tue 15-Sep-09 12:27:33

grin I could have written that myself a year or so ago!

Best of luck with everything x

HoneySocks Tue 15-Sep-09 21:07:58

git for sure

dippymummyto2boys Tue 15-Sep-09 22:14:47

Real git!

BEAUTlFUL Wed 16-Sep-09 22:53:41

Maybe he died? <hopeful>

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