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i think dp is cheating on me.

(14 Posts)
laurajess Mon 14-Sep-09 11:06:52

my partner and i met through work a few years ago and got together last year, and now have a 5 month old dd together. he had a girlfriend when i met him but their relationship was very rocky and he was really unhappy. so i was his shoulder to cry on and there was a definite spark between us. not long after he broke up with his ex we got together.
i felt guilty at the time and still do, but i know how unhappy he was and he kept telling me how happy i made him.
over the last few months i have been having dreams about him having an affair with another girl from work (who has a boyfriend) who he's really good friends with. they go for drinks after work sometimes which i've always been fine with.
but one of the managers saw them out together and told the main manager that they looked very 'couply' together and our manager took the girl into the office and questioned her about it.
yesterday i knew something wasn't feeling right. i read the messages on his phone and there were a few from an unsaved number saying 'i can't do the friends-that-kiss thing anymore because it feels like i'm cheating on my bf' and another message from the same number talks about our manager dragging her into the office. so obviously i've come to the conclusion that its her.
i confronted her about it by text this morning and she said the message was meant for another guy but i just don't know what to believe any more. i love my dp so much but after the way we got together i just can't help thinking that he may do it again.
i text my dp this morning also telling him i'd found the msgs on his phone and he hasn't replied. i just don't know if i've made a huge mistake or if theyr walking all over me.
any advice would be great. x

Pielight Mon 14-Sep-09 11:10:36

So sorry - but it looks clear as day to me.

They weren't meant for another guy, c'mon, you know that.

The 'friends that kiss' text kind of sums it up.

Am so so sorry about it though.

ArizonaBarker Mon 14-Sep-09 11:10:54

Why did you confront her and not him?

He is the one who has to answer to you, not her.

I'm sorry but it does sound as if he's cheating on you and your DD.

Scorps Mon 14-Sep-09 11:14:03

It sounds as if he has been kissing her, at least.

Don't contact her anymore; and talk to him when he gets home. Trust your gut instincts.

Mamazon Mon 14-Sep-09 11:16:00

if he's not actually having sex with her it sounds very much as though he is behaving the same with her as he did with you.

it's a pattern he is clearly well versed in.

laurajess Mon 14-Sep-09 11:16:03

i didnt confront him because i cant talk to him about my feelings. if i do i do it through text or writing letters. i'm one of those people that bottles it up. and yeah it seems clear to me too but i really want to believe them.
this girl is one of my good friends as well and has always been honest with me. so i thought if i asked her she'd tell me the truth. and i'm going to confront him tonight about it. i know i was in the wrong for reading his texts but i just think thats nothing compared to cheating.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Mon 14-Sep-09 11:42:40

If she text him more than once then he was replying to her in the meantime, so they were meant for him. If she had text him once by accident he would have replied telling her so and she would have stopped sending him anything.

Sorry this has happened - your P is cheating on you though, that's for sure.

HappyWoman Mon 14-Sep-09 12:24:15

Sorry but you 'cant talk to him about your feelings' How did you get to be so close to him - He told you he was unhappy with his relationship and you feel guilty because you think it was because he had feelings for you.

You have a problem talking to each other and you are worried that he may be talking to someone else.

Well yeah - he is - and he will no doubt be telling her that you are cold and unemotional blah blah blah. She will think your relationship is not good and may be waiting for him to leave you. And history repeats itself.

He clearly has not learnt his lesson from the relationship he allowed to form between you two. He doesnt have to have a social life with other woman at work - it is not compulsory is it? You know the dangers and yet you together have not dealt with that.

Sorry you are going through this though - it is truly horrible to have your gut feelings confirmed - but follow what your instincts are telling you more than anything either of them tell you.

h0ney Mon 14-Sep-09 13:21:28

It doesn't sound good unfortunately. I do think that communicating via text to sort this out is a bit childish, you need to talk to him directly.

macdoodle Mon 14-Sep-09 13:44:11

Ah well once a cheat always a cheat IMO - did you think you were his one true love hmm

HappyWoman Mon 14-Sep-09 14:03:16

Now now McD - not bitter now are you grin.

But tend to agree if he has a tendancy to cheat and has the chance again why would he not?

OP - you need to talk to him about your fears - and as others have said in person not by text.

jbear Fri 18-Sep-09 11:21:05

my husband cheated on his first wife. not with me. i found out recently that he had been cheating on me . men dont change he is cheating on you. you must give him a choice honesty and councilling or show him the door. you will know whatto do listen to your instincts they will tell you what to do. i am still with my dh but with every day i get closer to leaving. just remember every day you spend with mr wrong you are missing out on mr right. good luck

jbear Fri 18-Sep-09 11:22:03

i have a 3 month old baby so i do understand

ginnny Fri 18-Sep-09 11:29:58

He is cheating.
He cheated on his ex, he's cheating on you and he'll cheat on this new one eventually.
She is probably his new 'shoulder to cry on' hmm.
Sorry you are going through this, its horrible, especially with a young baby but I think its just the risk you take when you get together with someone in this way.

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