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Half-empty bottle of whisky hidden in wardrobe, thats not good is it?

(8 Posts)
OracleInaCoracle Mon 14-Sep-09 09:29:11

have posted before about dh's drinking. he cant stop at one or two drinks, any excuse to go to the pub. but he managed to convince me that im over-reacting.

we were given a bottle of whisky a while ago and because i dont drink and dh doesnt like whisky we decided to save it for my dad.

we had a row last week about his drinking (he wanted to buy beer and i wanted him to prove that he could go a month without it- he ended up going out) and yesterday i bought some christmas pressies, decided to put them in the wardrobe and found a bottle of whisky, but it was open and half of it was gone. dh isists its not him, its not me and i doubt that ds (4) could reach, or the fecking dog.

how do i handle this?

OracleInaCoracle Mon 14-Sep-09 09:42:06

whats worrying me more is that he is denying drinking it. will often go up to bed 10 mins before me.

countingto10 Mon 14-Sep-09 09:47:30

He has a problem with drinking and until he acknowledges it himself, you cannot help. Try not to enable his drinking if you can and try and protect you and your DS as much as possible eg making yourself financially independent etc.

My 1st H was an alcoholic and hid plenty of whisky bottles, it just escalated and I had to get out. You are lucky you only have 1 DS atm. Whilst he may not be a full blown alcoholic (but hiding drink is a very worrying sign) he is certainly a problem drinker.

Good luck.

fishie Mon 14-Sep-09 09:52:26

how is he feeling in general lissie? and you, i have been thinking of you.

AttilaTheMeerkat Mon 14-Sep-09 11:49:35

Hi lissielou

Do you yourself think he is an alcoholic?. Alcoholics as well don't all drink every day.
My guess is that there are other bottles hidden about the house as well. He has drunk that whiskey - he was that desperate for alcohol. Many alcoholics are consummate liars, are very good at projecting and are in deep denial about their problem. They can also badly underestimate how much they are actually drinking.

If he is not already a full blown alcoholic there are many worrying indicators here that he is well on the way to alcoholism. The effects on you and your son are actually incalculable if you continue to live in this situation and I do not say this lightly. You will both end up being dragged down with him; his primary relationship will be with drink if it is not already. Everything and everyone else, including his son, is only of secondary importance.

Think of this as well. Children of alcoholic parents can have many problems, not just at school, and can go onto have many problems with relationships in their adult lives. They can feel super responsible for the alcoholic and are more likely to take up with an alcoholic partner themeselves.

Get support for your own self; Al-anon are helpful to family members of problem drinkers and they also publish some very good literature. Like it or not you are also playing a role in the merry go around that is alcoholism. Many women in these situations end up as their partners enabler.
You need to speak to them urgently and I do not write that lightly either.

You should remember this too re alcoholism:-
1. You did NOT cause it
2. You CANNOT control it (your failed attempt to get him to go a month without drinking proves that very point)
3. You CANNOT cure it

I will put up their details for you

Attila

AttilaTheMeerkat Mon 14-Sep-09 11:50:28

www.al-anonuk.org.uk

LoveActually Mon 14-Sep-09 13:24:43

Hi Lissielou,
I was about to put a thread of my own up here. My DH had a drinking problem. He didn't drink every day, and some stuff had happened to him (before me) that he was trying to deal with. He went to see a counsellor and I thought he'd gotten over whatever it was (redundancy/abusive relationship) then I got pregnant last year. I had my DD in January. During my pregnancy there were some blips, but after our daugher was born he was okay for ages and ages. Started working and ended up doing seven days a week. Well, I thought stuff was okay but last two weeks, he's started drinking again. Not every day but is drunk when our DD is at nursery or being looked after by my mum while I work. I am suddenly really worried again and I can say for what it's worth your DH has a problem but like Attila says, and goodness knows she's given me some advice, he alone can deal with it.
I wish my DH would see someone

LoveActually Mon 14-Sep-09 13:26:54

I should have added that I went to AlAnon, but felt like a fraud because my DH wasn't as bad...

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