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Sick mum. Appt with specialist Tuesday. Scared and sad and all sorts really

(16 Posts)
squilly Sun 13-Sep-09 21:35:44

Just wanted to vent a little, as I don't really know who to tell or what I could say to anyone in RL.

My mum's 82 on Saturday. She's not been well for a while, but has worsened this last week. She had a blood clot on her lungs 6 years ago which nearly killed her, but she bounced back. Lately she's been off, has become less mobile and has lost a little of her zest for life (understandably).

We didn't have a good relationship when I was home. She was a crap mom in many, many ways, but I can see it was circumstances that contributed to her lack of parental care, so I think we've gotten over that.

Now mum's got an appointment with the specialist on Tuesday as they've found a shadow on her lung and in her neck. I'm thinking the worst as is my is my mum...and I think they're going to tell us it's Cancer on Tuesday and I don't know what to do. I'm scared and horrified and I'm trying to be sensible and not think about it before it happens, but it keeps coming into my head and making me sad & hopeless.

Mum's 80 miles away, which isn't much, but it's too far for me to pop down, particularly as dd is 8 and at school every day...though I will go down once we know what's going on...of course I will. I'll want to.

I don't know why I'm posting really. I just needed to tell someone and as everyone in RL is in bed or on their way to it, I thought I'd tell the internet. Keep everything crossed for me that it's not the worse. I'm off to do some ironing...try to take my mind off things.

MavisEnderby Sun 13-Sep-09 21:40:58

I know it is easy for me to say but try not to stress until you have some definitive results.

If it does turn out to be cancer there is a lot of support and help out there.

The most useful and reputable websites are Cancerbackup and McMillan.


squilly Mon 14-Sep-09 09:36:42

Thanks MavisEnderby. I've chilled a bit over night and am now just trying to put things to the back of my head til Tuesday. Fingers crossed it'll be an infection or even pneumonia! Whatever it it, we can't change it, so we're going to have to deal with it. Thanks for the idea of the websites. I have been researching a bit already, just to I know what we're facing....


Owls Mon 14-Sep-09 09:46:31

Ah Squilly, sad My mum is the same age and I dread her every illness now. Fingers crossed for Tuesday.

squilly Mon 14-Sep-09 09:51:42

Thanks Owls. It's just part of ageing I guess, though a lot of people live into their 90's these days...and my mum has been ill for quite a while, on and off.

I think it's human nature to talk ourselves into thinking our ageing folks will be gone soon, part of a preparation process. Problem is, I hadn't really thought about the fact that she might be ill for a long time before she goes. I think that's probably what's called denial

I appreciate the crossed fingers Owls. Thank you.

gagamama Mon 14-Sep-09 10:08:33

I haven't got any advice really, other than a shadow can be any number of things (fluid, blood clots, benign growths), and secondly, step away from Google. It won't tell you what's on your mum's Xray, it will just fill your mind with scary possibilities and outcomes and statistics.

Having said that, MacMillan have a great online forum for cancer sufferers and their families, if that is the outcome.

Finally, my DPs grandad had a shadow on his lung a couple of months ago, the whole family were worried sick thinking it was definitely cancer. It was a blood clot and he's fine now. Best of luck x

squilly Mon 14-Sep-09 10:34:20

Thanks gagamama. I'm glad to hear your DP's grandad was o.k.

You're right...Google is a bit dangerous at times. I had googled 'shadow on lung' and saw that it could be mean other things, so I think on this occasion it has helped a bit, ironically.

I'll be glad when tomorrow's over though!

squilly Tue 15-Sep-09 19:03:33

Mum was diagnosed today with lung cancer. I don't know all details. couldn't take it all in...but I believe it's in her throat too.

She's taking it well. Got my eldest sister there today/tomorrow, another sister with her til Friday. I'm ringing tomorrow to see if I can see her at the weekend.

It's her 82nd birthday on Friday. What a time to get diagnosed. least she knows now so she can deal with it.

Thanks everyone for their support.

deste Tue 15-Sep-09 20:41:37

I am so sorry for you and your mum. You will find a strength you didn't know you had. You are also lucky that you have sisters to take the burden.

squilly Tue 15-Sep-09 20:44:12

Thanks deste. I'm 70 miles away from mum, so the rest of the family will be closer to it than I will. I don't know if that's a blessing or a curse. Just have to grit my teeth and get home as often as I can over the coming months. DD and DH might have to pick up a lot of slack, but I''m sure we can sort things out between us.

zoggs Tue 15-Sep-09 23:21:13

Thinking of you Squilly. My Dad was diagnosed with bowel cancer a year ago aged 85 and I was 150 miles away. While you are worrying about your Mum, DD and DH please make sure that someone is looking out for you.

Owls Wed 16-Sep-09 09:32:22

Squilly sad So sorry it was the news you dreaded after all. You're going to need a lot of support over the coming weeks and months so please keep posting. I know there's nothing we can actually do but just wanted to send you some good wishes and strength.

diddl Wed 16-Sep-09 11:01:09

That´s really sad.
Make sure you look after yourself as well.

squilly Wed 16-Sep-09 12:31:31

Thanks everyone. I really appreciate this. I'm still a bit out of things at the moment, but am starting to get a grip. I dare say ups and downs are what I'm looking at for now.

I will post more when I feel the need...but thank you so much for answering. It's so appreciated.

gagamama Wed 16-Sep-09 16:34:42

Oh squilly, I was just checking up to see if there was an update on what happened at appointment yesterday and I'm so sorry that your worst fears have been confirmed.

Please do come here and offload any time you feel the need. My dear grandad had throat cancer and I found the MacMillan forums to be a great place to get support and advice about all aspects of the disease.

squilly Wed 16-Sep-09 19:37:39

Thanks gagamama. I'm sorry about your grandad. It doesn't matter how old someone is when they's what they mean to you. Though mum has said, she's not a child or 40 or something, so it's not like she's being cheated of life. We all die of something I guess.

It's just the unknown...will she suffer? Will she have to put up with terrible pain? All that kind of thing. It's not going to be easy for her and I guess that's hard.

Thanks for your thoughts.

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