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getting back together after a break-up - is it always doomed?

(13 Posts)
singlebrightfemale Sun 13-Sep-09 16:55:20

If you break up with someone and then go back with them, does it ever work? Experiences please! Having broken up with a really big love a few months ago (instigated I thought by him but he seems to think it was me) and it now transpiring that he's never stopped loving me and misses me like crazy, is there any point in thinking we should have another go?

I've worked hard at rebuilding things since we split and life is good but I'd so like to have him back in it again. I'm thinking that if we tried to address the things that split us up we could make a go of it. But I'm concerned that the same thing might just happen all over again.

CaptainRex Sun 13-Sep-09 17:03:07

Depends exactly why you split up in the first place. If the relationship was in any way abusive then don't go there

Personally, to even consider it, I would make sure living arrangements / finances remain seperate and begin by dating again.

You say you have worked hard at rebuilding thing, but if he never stopped loving you, why didn't he do any work? You both need to address all the issues

warthog Sun 13-Sep-09 17:04:39

depends on the reasons why you split in the first place.

warthog Sun 13-Sep-09 17:05:02

oops - just saw your post captainrex!

BonsoirAnna Sun 13-Sep-09 17:09:58

It can definitely work! DP and I had a couple of major break-ups but we are here now and totally happy together.

As others say, it depends why you broke up.

singlebrightfemale Sun 13-Sep-09 18:04:00

To tell the truth, I don't exactly know why we broke up - it started with a misunderstanding on the phone and it escalated into a quite emotional and heated exchange and then a text from him saying he didn't want to see me anymore. Then he went completely off radar. We didn't live together by the way.

We had our issues but I thought we were working through them. It perplexes me how he can maintain he still loves me and in a way I wish he hadn't said it because of the way I still feel about him. I suppose I would get back with him if he explained to my satisfaction why he'd disappeared but it would still be a risk. He knows how I feel about him (that I love him) but I haven't said anything about getting back together. Should I just stay quiet and see if he comes up with anything?

What did you break up over Anna?

QuintessentialShadows Sun 13-Sep-09 18:06:07

That is a pretty shitty and disrespectful way to treat a woman. Break up by text and then no contact.

I would not go there....

SoWhat Sun 13-Sep-09 18:10:24

It can work. Me and DH (then DP) split 3 years ago for a period of 3 months. We were supposed to be getting married 9 weeks later and he called it off (had cold feet). We sold our flat and went our seperate ways. He contacted me on what would have been our wedding day to say he had made a mistake and should be marrying me. 3 years later we are married with DD of 16 months so anything is possible! smile It wasn't that simple obviously, he had to work hard to get me back! wink.

Spidermama Sun 13-Sep-09 18:13:49

I've broken up twice with my dh.

Next year we're throwing a party for our 20th wedding anniversary.

We're both in it for the long haul and it can be very difficult at times, but I find we get closer if we get through the difficulties and can talk honestly and trust each other.

alwayslookingforanswers Sun 13-Sep-09 18:19:34

DH and I split up for 17 months. We're back together now........better not be doomed - it's all looking good now grin

NoahAmin Sun 13-Sep-09 18:20:04

yes

Pielight Sun 13-Sep-09 18:28:48

Think it depends on how long you were together, what split you up in the first place.

I think your instincts are right to sit tight. Let him do the work, if he does do the work, there might be hope. Don't cave in at the first. He's got an awful lot to prove.

singlebrightfemale Sun 13-Sep-09 18:52:28

Yes Pielight, I've decided that he does need to do the work if we're to get back together, especially after the way it finished the first time. And I do agree Quintessential, it was pretty crap the way he behaved. Him saying he thought I dumped him and that he was so hurt that he couldn't bear to speak to me sounds a tad lame.

But glad to see that other posters have a happy tale to tell.

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