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Passive Aggressive driving me mad

(6 Posts)
DrPooh Sun 13-Sep-09 12:51:57

My partner displays classic signs of passive aggressive, controlling behaviour. I put up with it for so long and I just can't anymore. It makes me so angry, which makes me look like the nutcase when he's so fucking calm and I'm wound up seemingly over nothing and I've just had enough.

He goes off in stupid moods where he won't talk to me but he won't tell me what I'm supposed to have done. One time this lasted for two days where he didn't speak to me.

I have tried to ignore it but the atmosphere in these times is unbearable.

Last night we managed to get the kids looked after and the idea was that we enjoy the peace and quiet, go out for a meal and relax. To him, this included sex.

Anyway, we got home around 10.30pm, I'd have a bit too much to drink (although wasn't drunk, just tired) and I wanted to go to bed. So I'm layed there half asleep and he's telling me to take my clothes off. I said no so he starts tugging at my pyjamas and trying to force them off. I got pissed off and snapped at him that if he tore them (brand new) he would be buying me new ones. He tutted and said "right, fine, we can do it in morning instead" hmm

So this morning came, I had a horrible stomach ache (he knows I have stomach problems) and he tutted when I got up early. He later came down and asked if I was going back to bed. I said no, I felt ill so he's been in a mood all day. Banging stuff around, grunting answers at me etc.

I told him this morning that my 16 year old cousin had been rushed into resus ward after having an alergic reaction to nuts ... all wired up to machinery and he laughed.

He told me yesterday that he doesn't like visiting my mum because he can't stand the smell of the house.

I'm so frustrated and annoyed and just want to leave. Yet later he'll say "why are you in a mood?" to me!! If I say "you've been in a mood all day" he'll deny it and say its just me being paranoid.

APoisonTree Sun 13-Sep-09 12:54:39

It sounds a very immature relationship, perhaps where you enjoy powerplay over the other.

LaurieFairyCake Sun 13-Sep-09 12:56:21

Do you love him?

if you're frustrated and annoyed at this relationship then maybe you don't want to be with him anymore?

SheWillBeLoved Sun 13-Sep-09 13:02:54

Trying to force your pyjamas off? Tutting at you because you're not feeling well? Laughing at a family member who could have died? Isolating you from your mum for a pathetic reason?


Sounds a right immature controlling twat catch.

DrPooh Sun 13-Sep-09 13:05:15

But I'm stuck here, the council house waiting list is impossible and as I'm not working I can't even rent privately.

I just want to make things more bearable until I can get out because sometimes I just feel like killing someone (him).

Lifegoeson Sun 13-Sep-09 14:05:27

I'm shocked he tore your pyjamas, and your (under) reaction to it, sounds like you're just a 'hole' to him - sorry to be crass - not a person, the person he's supposed to love and respect.

You are not stuck there, I have just secured a lovely new home in a great area, rented privately and I'm currently not working, I'm a lone parent, there are non judgemental landlords out there who don't tag all single mums with the Jeremy Kyle role!

It may take a while to find one, papers, shop ads, gumtree, some agencies have landlords on their books that will consider it too, hard work, but well worth it, altho, do meet them before you tell them of of your circumstances, so you can dazzle them with your personality and responsibilty obviously! Offer refs before they ask too.

Best of luck.

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