so alone..... the title says it all please read

[babyalfie]

Well I posted the other day on a different forum and here it is on here as I am not ashamed and want opinions is the relationship worth to save or not!

Okay we have been together 2.5 years and have a bay 6 months. My partner sold his house on the understanding he would move in with me and my family and we would all live together. He inputted 30k into my house and we had an extra bedroom built and had a big garden decked tec and di other bits. After the sale went through etc his son then aged 10 did not want to live with us. Before I met this man his son was very naughty and used to kick etc and when I went to school the teacher said she was dreading getting him but he has changed (i have rules and regluations and beleive firmly in routines for children(.

Okay carrying on he decided he would rent for 12 months to give him time to adjust. In the mean time I got pregnat and had is son in March of this year. He is still renting and has just left the rented house for a council bugalow.
He has sever athritus- rhumatoid and had to give up work etc as some days unable to work. I know also he has got behind with some of his utilty bills as I ahve helped lots but cannot afford to pay his and mine.

he used to be lovely and caring and buy me flowers, send me nice texts etc.. for the past 10 weeks he has not said anything nice at all to me. He is good with the running around of the children etc and nothing too much of problem. He moved into his bungalow yesterday also.

Lasst saturday his son was arguning with mine and I told him to take is son home as fed up with it so he did and he has not been in contcat in 8 days. I ahve seen him in the car and he has waved but I did not acknowledge. I honestly do not know what to do as I ahve so much going on in my life at the momnet. I three otehr childen one going to uni soon, one just started her nurse traing but who is pregnat with abby whose heart is all the wrong way round and an 8 year old.

I love him s much and wnat him but last week i asked him why did he not ever put his arm roundmy son and he said that he cannot do that to other peoples choldrens and he did not do that to his late wifes children either.

Shall I just forget him and move on??

sorry so long but need advise.

[APoisonTree]

Perhaps relate first before you give it up?

[babyalfie]

yes may try relate I think he is depressed as he is not interested in anything sexual either and that is not normal in man is it? He has nobody else and know that for sure. He is older than me also at 50.

Thanks

[abedelia]

Part of it may be his illness - rheumatoid arthritis is a horrible disease (my close friend has it), and it can really get you down with th constant pain and restriction on what you can and can't do. Plus the drugs to control it have some pretty nasty side effects and he is pretty young to have it (though not as young as my mate who is only 34!).

There seem to be a lot of children in all this. perhaps he thinks he just can't cope, especially if he is feeling ill? I think having a really honest talk is the way to go - if you can't do that then yes, maybe he isn;t right for you...

[canyouguesswhatitisyet]

If you decide to 'forget him and move on' will you be repaying the 30k he put into your home improvements?

[ohpenny]

Relate can be very helpful but only works if both parties want to save the relationship. Maybe just suggesting the idea will get him thinking about how unhappy you both seem and will open lines of communication. It sounds like you are spreading yourself v thinly around the family, which is really tough, maybe if he isn't interested in counselling you could access some for yourself, so you have some support? Anyway, good luck

[babyalfie]

I do not have the money to repay as not working but when i finally sell there may be a clause or something but I get no maintenace for the baby we have.

[pinkthechaffinch]

I think you should try and forget him and move on. It sounds like you have a lot going on in your life, without dealing with a depressed man.

I feel a bit cynical about depression as in my life I have come across many 'depressed' men, who use this label as an excuse for all kinds of selfish behaviour.

Agree with ohpenny that relate would only work if you both have the same attitude, and tbh it does not sound like he has.

Good luck, whatever you decide and I hope you daughter's pregnancy goes well.

[ohpenny]

i'm sorry pink but i am a believer in finding out why someone is depressed, give him a chance