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Crisis of conscience - should I come clean?

(13 Posts)
lisbey Sat 12-Sep-09 20:42:46

About 18 months ago, a colleague was very worried about his health. He'd seen GP and been referred to a specialist and he'd convinced himself he was going to die. He's usually a very private person and no-one at work knew he'd seen doctor, but that week we were working alone together a lot, he was clearly very upset and eventually I got him to talk about it. No-one else at work ever knew about it.

That night, I started a thread on MN so see if I could find out if he was right to be so worried. I got one particularly detailed response which was very reassuring, so I sent him a text with the details, only I said I'd spoken to a doctor friend blush The poster turned out to be very knowledgeable, because he was told the same things by his specialist a couple of weeks later. The problem hasn't gone, but it's certainly not life threatening.

Since then, we've become good friends and spend a lot of time together with our families. Recently I've been promoted and whilst I'm thrilled and enjoying the job, I'm finding it difficult and it has coincided with some issues for my DCs which have meant I've struggled from time to time. He has been a huge support to me. I thanked him for what he's done yesterday. His response was "It's the least I can do after the trouble you went to, phoning people, when I thought I was dying". I'd forgotten all about that blush

So do I admit to my MN habit, or let him think I put myself out more than I did?

QuintessentialShadows Sat 12-Sep-09 20:44:49

erm.... you posted about him on a public forum.....

Heated Sat 12-Sep-09 20:45:09

You emailed. A partial truth.

SqueezyCheese Sat 12-Sep-09 20:46:19

I'd keep quiet about it TBH. OK, you didn't call someone per se, but you did use your time to find out really helpful information for him. I'd do the same for any friend of mine and I wouldn't tell them MN was my source either.

lisbey Sat 12-Sep-09 20:58:29

Quint - I posted about "a friend" who had some common symptoms and I got some really helpful reassurance for him - that bit my conscience is clear about smile

justaboutautumn Sat 12-Sep-09 20:59:17

Message withdrawn

BitOfFun Sat 12-Sep-09 21:01:49

Keep schtum...if it were a woman, i would confess and introduce her to the wonder of mumsnet, but guys don't need to know, surely?


expatinscotland Sat 12-Sep-09 21:02:26

Say nothing.

toomanystuffedbears Sun 13-Sep-09 04:18:23

You helped him.
He does not need to know the degree of effort it took you to provide that help, or the particular source that you came by it.
No matter how good of friends you become, to say your source was 'friends of friends' is enough. You don't need to split hairs over it.

If issues, requests for more help, come up in the future, just refer him to the 'internet'. smile

busybutterfly Sun 13-Sep-09 14:43:19

Shhhhh... and reap the benefits of the fact that you DID bother to ask around and it obviously meant a lot to him. I don't think he'd be bothered HOW you got the answers BTW.

crokky Sun 13-Sep-09 14:46:01

We're all "friends" on here and we "speak" to eachother. I think it's fine TBH!

Quattrocento Sun 13-Sep-09 15:00:36

You were raised a catholic, clearly.

ilovespagbol Mon 14-Sep-09 20:52:51

Say nothing, what you did showed your level of concern and am sure if you had a doctor friend you would have contacted them. You used what resources were availabale to you and it still took commitment to write the post, read the messages and report back. Be easy on yourself smile.

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