Basically, stbxh walked out on our family (ds was 1.6) for ow OVER a year ago. He to-ed and fro-ed between us for a few months, then I had enough and began moving on. Sold house, moved (he followed!), set up divorce etc etc.
Of course, I never wanted any of this to happen, and although I have moved on, and had a brief fling in the time (only one though, havent had time for more!), I do ultimately still watnt him to come back.
Now mess this up with some dv too. Only coming out of the relationship, I realised it was abusive. Not going into details, but mostly emotional, occasional physical. So, I KNOW I won't go back with him, but I guess I still love him.
Anyway, he is STILL lying. And I STILL let myself believe him! He has 'been trying to break up with her' but 'she won't let him' , and last week he got her to leave. allegedly. and then came the texts about how he wants me back, he always loved me, he needs to know I am moving on so HE can move on. etc etc. I shouldnt have engaged. But I did. I told him the only hope for us is if he did a Respect course. Then no more texts.
Anyway, picks up ds this morning and she is back! ARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!! Of COURSE she is!!! I am so stupid to think he might even have made the most TINY changes necessary for reconciliation. Of course, he says 'how can I come back when you want me to do x,y,z' (x being stop seeing ow, y being do a Respect course, z being stp being such a twat)
Exactly the same as this time last year!
I am angry at myself for still wanting him to change, belieiving his lies. Everything. I KNOW him! And I let myself fall in his trap.
SOOOOOOOOOOOO at MYSELF. I should never have engaged. But of course NOW I want to rant at him!
anyone been through similar? how did you stop believing?
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SO angry at myself! I fell for it again! Over a year on, and I still fell for the lies! Long...
raggedtrouseredphilanthropist · 12/09/2009 09:56
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