Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Realistic terminology

(8 Posts)
Laquitar Fri 11-Sep-09 00:30:49

Ok. DH is away (for work,not playing), dcs in bed, and i had a glass of wine.

After reading Reality's thread i 've been thinking about my exs bastards angry. Luckily i am now married to a wonderful man but before this i have wasted years trying to psychoanalyze losers and finding excuses for their behave in the stupid terminology of 'modern psychology' books.

It breaks my heart to see so many women here doing the same.

So here is my simplistic dictionary:

- He is tired/stressed etc = yes, welcome to the club. We all are.

- He has difficulty to control his temper, is not his fault, is the work, his parents, the house prices etc = he is abusive. Fullstop.

- He has some kind of pathological addicton to sex, is not his fault, he can not help it = no, he is just plain greedy. And arrogant.

- He is free spirit, creative, arty type. He doesn't like working 9-5 thats why we spent MY money = he is LAZY.

- He is hippy at heart = see above (and send him to Goa.One way ticket).

- He is not into talking, men don't like talking, he doesn't like confrontation = because it suits him (does he do confrontation when you are on the wrong?)

- He doesn't know what he wants = oh yes he does. He knows very well what he wants. He wants his cake and eat it!

- He is scared of commitment = as above

- He feels pressure, can't cope with family life, the dcs etc. Poor him = he is fucking lucky to have family and children. If he didn't want any he should have had vasectomy long time ago. Too late now for 'me, me, me'.

- He hits me/calls me names etc but he is a good father (!!). Honestly he played 20 minutes with the dcs on sunday = yes, and my postman 'plays' with my dcs and made them laughing this morning. Big deal.

- He is depressed = ok. depression is a terible illness. I have sympathy for those who REALLY suffer from it and i would make huge allowances for genuine cases. BUt in many cases i think is just a bit of stress and an excuse for selfish behaviour.

- Maybe he needs counselling = Hmm, i am not against it and i'm sure it works for those who really want to work it through. But i wouldn't waste time and money to drag an egocentric loser to a therapist. Pay £50 p/h to talk about his favourite subject (himself and his feelings)?

Ok i 've finished! (although there are more). I'm sure there are relationships worth trying to save them. As long as we don't dress up horrible situations with nice words and we call them just what they are. No need to put a nice name (=excuse)to everything.

If you are realistic and you know what you are fighting for then thats fine....

alwayslookingforanswers Fri 11-Sep-09 00:41:00

and don't forget all of the above applies to the woman as well smile.

No excuses for them either.

Laquitar Fri 11-Sep-09 00:47:27

Yes of course! I write 'he' because most posters here are women talking about male partners.

But i cant stand manipulative, selfish, immature, whingers, in general. Men or women. I am a nice person grin

HolyGuacamole Fri 11-Sep-09 00:51:26

Great post! And true.

alwayslookingforanswers Fri 11-Sep-09 00:53:56

I had to put that as I've read FAR too many threads where quite frankly the OP (a woman) has blatantly acted out of order and their OH has been pissed off (usually posted in AIBU such threads grin) and they get the YANBU you're tired/stressed/pregnant/the name you called him you did out of frustration blah blah blah and it p*sses me off no end.

Speaking now as someone who had an awful relationship a few years back (still with the same man - but a totally different relationship iykwim) where we both bang out of order on many occasions. Far too many times I know I posted on here and having looked back at what I'd said here (mostly true to what I remember in RL) the amount of support I got which I blatantly wouldn't have got it I'd posted if it was DH acting like that is really quite staggering.

Somehow awful behaviour from women seems to be swept under the carpet but when a man does the same things he's thrown into the lions den (quite rightly - but often the women should be in there with them grin)

alwayslookingforanswers Fri 11-Sep-09 00:56:03

that bit in the 2nd paragraph doesn't make sense. What I mean is that if a women had posted about a man doing that to her they'd be thrown in the lions den, but if she's done something crappy to him it's generally seen as ok.

KristinaM Fri 11-Sep-09 00:59:00

you forgot this one

he says he just needs some space = he is shagging someone else

Anniegetyourgun Fri 11-Sep-09 20:46:01

Not to mention:

He says he loves me but is not in love with me = he is shagging someone else.

He thinks we got married too young and feels trapped = he is shagging someone else.

He suggested we spend some time apart to re-evaluate our relationship = he is shagging someone else.

Hmm, I think I see a pattern emerging here...

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: