Ok. DH is away (for work,not playing), dcs in bed, and i had a glass of wine.
After reading Reality's thread i 've been thinking about my exs bastards . Luckily i am now married to a wonderful man but before this i have wasted years trying to psychoanalyze losers and finding excuses for their behave in the stupid terminology of 'modern psychology' books.
It breaks my heart to see so many women here doing the same.
So here is my simplistic dictionary:
- He is tired/stressed etc = yes, welcome to the club. We all are.
- He has difficulty to control his temper, is not his fault, is the work, his parents, the house prices etc = he is abusive. Fullstop.
- He has some kind of pathological addicton to sex, is not his fault, he can not help it = no, he is just plain greedy. And arrogant.
- He is free spirit, creative, arty type. He doesn't like working 9-5 thats why we spent MY money = he is LAZY.
- He is hippy at heart = see above (and send him to Goa.One way ticket).
- He is not into talking, men don't like talking, he doesn't like confrontation = because it suits him (does he do confrontation when you are on the wrong?)
- He doesn't know what he wants = oh yes he does. He knows very well what he wants. He wants his cake and eat it!
- He is scared of commitment = as above
- He feels pressure, can't cope with family life, the dcs etc. Poor him = he is fucking lucky to have family and children. If he didn't want any he should have had vasectomy long time ago. Too late now for 'me, me, me'.
- He hits me/calls me names etc but he is a good father (!!). Honestly he played 20 minutes with the dcs on sunday = yes, and my postman 'plays' with my dcs and made them laughing this morning. Big deal.
- He is depressed = ok. depression is a terible illness. I have sympathy for those who REALLY suffer from it and i would make huge allowances for genuine cases. BUt in many cases i think is just a bit of stress and an excuse for selfish behaviour.
- Maybe he needs counselling = Hmm, i am not against it and i'm sure it works for those who really want to work it through. But i wouldn't waste time and money to drag an egocentric loser to a therapist. Pay £50 p/h to talk about his favourite subject (himself and his feelings)?
Ok i 've finished! (although there are more). I'm sure there are relationships worth trying to save them. As long as we don't dress up horrible situations with nice words and we call them just what they are. No need to put a nice name (=excuse)to everything.
If you are realistic and you know what you are fighting for then thats fine....