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Are there any trustworthy men out there?

(15 Posts)
hopey Fri 03-Jun-05 07:11:32

Recently I decided to try internet dating. I finally feel I can move on from my ex after 2 difficult years.
I got chatting to a very nice man, he was very complementary and was nice to talk to. We swapped messages via the agency for almost a month and then Monday finally swapped mobile numbers and he was gonna ring for a one to one yesterday. Well yesterday came and I got a text from someone I don't know saying good luck he's all yours. Turns out the B***d is married! Can't describe how I felt. Luckily it wasn't as if we've been meeting, but feel really used, feel sorry for his wife. He has sent me a text saying please don't contact again! AS IF! I will not get caught up with a married man. But what was he playing at, posing as a single guy? How many other men do this? Where are all the honest ones? I wonder if I'm ever gonna meet a nice guy

Earlybird Fri 03-Jun-05 07:46:32

Oh hopey - what a nightmare! It is so hard to meet someone nice when you're a single mum....I know I haven't managed it.....and internet dating is one of the obvious places to look.

I read something interesting a few weeks ago. Evidently there is a legal proposal in America at the moment that would require internet dating companies to run background checks on all members. It would enable the companies to exclude convicted felons, proven fraudsters etc. The article said that the 5th largest internet dating agency (whose name I forget, but I had never heard of it) already requires this of all registered members, though as you might expect, most agencies are objecting due to expense of vetting. It's an interesting concept though, isn't it? Sadly, it wouldn't help your situation though because no system can weed out deceptive people with no integrity.

In some ways the silver lining to this situation is that you didn't embark on a relationship with this chap. Imagine how much worse it would be if you found out his "secret" after you were emotionally involved. Keep your chin up girl. There are nice men out there somewhere! Let me know if you manage to locate one, and find out if he has a brother/friend for me!

Fio2 Fri 03-Jun-05 07:58:31

oh hopey how awful really though I would be very wary of any kind of dating type agency. My sister did one in a newspaper and had nothing but loons turn up. She thought she would never meet anyone but did through work, much safer IMO

expatinscotland Fri 03-Jun-05 08:00:00

I tried net dating. Once. It deffo wasn't something I'd try again.

When I met my DH, I could see what an incredible person he was. And this was after much heartbreak in life. So yes, there are trustworthy people out there!

Don't give up hope!

HappyDaddy Fri 03-Jun-05 08:01:41

There are a few of us left, but dating agencies do tend to have either the desperate or the liars.

My mum went to a singles night, with a friend once. She got chatted up by a 5ft, bald, one legged bloke with the thickest glasses she'd ever seen. AND he only chatted to her cos her friend blew him out. I can see why she's given up!

Earlybird Fri 03-Jun-05 08:08:05

hopey - the more I think about it, I do feel badly for you. But, the person I feel most for is this sleazy man's wife! Can you imagine being married to someone like that?

Still, it doesn't address the problem of finding someone nice/trustworthy and somewhat appealing!

hopey Fri 03-Jun-05 08:24:28

Earlybird, I count myself very lucky that it hadn't been further down the line. I too feel sorry for his wife and it also makes me wonder how many others he's been in touch with. I am definitely gonna give up on the dating site. Leave it to fate. I am just gonna have to keep trusting although the more knocks I get, the harder it seems to be. If i do ever find mr right, I will definitely ask if he has a dishy relative for you!

bonym Fri 03-Jun-05 08:29:57

hopey - sorry to hear this. I did internet dating for a couple of years and must admit I met a couple of odd men through it . However, I also met some nice men, including the most wonderful man I have ever met who became dh 2 years ago (and, HappyDaddy, he was neither desperate nor a liar - just someone who, like me, didn't meet single people through work or friends and was long past the clubbing/pubbing scene). Hang on in there hopey - there are really are some decent men around, it just sometimes takes a while to find them

HappyDaddy Fri 03-Jun-05 10:15:36

Do you work, hopey? Most people meet their prospective long term partners at work...

hopey Fri 03-Jun-05 10:20:34

Happydaddy I do work and there is no way I would ever get together with any of my male colleagues. They're either old or unattractive. My place of work ( hospital pathology lab) isn't really the place to meet prospective partners. I'll just bide my time and who knows where I may meet the man of my dreams.

Lasvegas Fri 03-Jun-05 14:31:50

I used net dating and introduction agency in total had about 7 dates in course of 3 months all but 2 dates only lasted the 1 date. But all men were nice normal people with good jobs. One of the dates is now my fiance. Makes me laugh when people think you only meet loosers on dating sites. My fiance has massive circle of friends and has just emailed me to say he will get a bonus of 1 million after tax. Oh I am a single mother as well but never attracted weirdos as a result. Maybe I was just lucky, but so long as your careful there are nice men out there who like a lot of people in their thirties find it hard to meet people.

Rhubarb Fri 03-Jun-05 14:37:24

I guess you just gotta get out there and meet people. Go on a night out with some friends, join the gym, walk the dog in the park. If you're stuck for babysitters then the NCT do babysitting circles. I would advise getting a dog too as a lot of single men have dogs and walk them round the parks.

Be confident and happy in who you are and then you will get noticed by the right people.

haven Fri 03-Jun-05 14:50:42

hopey, uuummm this day and age society says it's o.k. to do what you will. it is so hard to find a man that has morals. no one looks down on lyers or cheaters anymore. they look at them and wonder what the other person did to MAKE the bad one do something.... know what i mean? when a man cheats, most women say.."if she (his sig. other) would be treating him right he wouldn't be with me" cheaters always have someone on their side. it sucks, but keep you head up...there will be someone out there for you..don't look to hard though, let love find you. it might already be right there and you don't see it.

sheepgomeep Fri 03-Jun-05 17:07:57

cheers haven you've made me feel loads better I've just spent the best part of the past year wondering what the hell I did to my exp partner who decided he was bored and buggered of with a 16 year old school girl. He has treated me like shit and I did nothing wrong and I'm still going through hell with him and the same girl now who taunt me by text messages and mental abuse.

I was finally coming to terms with the fact that no it wasn't my fault. Yes we did have problems but friends and family have told me it was not me at all.

People do look down on cheats and liars. My ex lost a lot of respect, his friends and he left his well paid job over what he did to me. The only friend he has left is the girl he left me for (now just 18)because everyone else at the moment thinks he is a shit.

However I do think your right when you saythat infidelity is treated as the norm and an inevitable part of life these days especially where men are concerned. I've got a real downer on relationships and fellas at the moment because I'm too scared to get involved again in case it happens again.

The only ray of hope I've got is a friend of mine who went through a similar situation. She was on her own for 5 years with two small children because her husband cheated on her. she met and married a man and went on to have two more and is very happy, so there is hope!

sadom Sun 05-Jun-05 08:40:02

Im a Bloke! A sad old man . I'd like to put in an alternative point of view!

Just treat all men as spoilt, mischievous little boys, even, mebbe, as lovable rascals. And take it from there.

As for Internet dating don't look on the first meeting as a "DATE" but as just a casual encounter similar to that could happen in the local shop or Newsagent. The other persons view of you not be taken too seriously. They are in the same boat as you!

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