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Bf will not shut up, not sure i can keep talking to her at the moment

(5 Posts)
dilemmadilemma Thu 10-Sep-09 17:24:34

My BF and I had DC at them same time, we see each other most days and as such our DC are firm friends.
They have now started reception together in the same class.
It was not the first choice school for either of us.

DD is settled and happy( only day 2 mind you) her DD is taking time to settle and now BF has scaled up her chat about how awful the school is how is has very poor standards etc etc etc.

I know she will pull her DD out if she gets a place at the first choice school( she is first on the waiting list and will move her DD when a place comes up) which may be next week as reception do not start there until then.

I am further down the list and am not even sure I would move dd anyway for several reasons.

Bf knows this and continues to put the school down, and say how awful it is to me.

I am begining to get very emotional about this, and it hasn't stopped even though I have told her I do not want to hear it.

Am actually thinking about withdrawing myself from contacting BF as I am getting so upset.

We have been friends for 30 years - A friendship can get past this can't it.

how did you phrase it last time you said you didn't want to hear her comments.

did you say it in a jokey manner.

or tell her firmly and reason being exactly as you have posted here?

LuluMaman Thu 10-Sep-09 17:47:46

you have to be firm with her

and direct

tell her you are pretty sure you are keeping your DC at teh school,it might not be perfect but you are happy and all the negative comments are not required and you don't want to discuss it anymore, but obviously you will talk about anything and everything else with her

you need to tell her how upsetting it is, and after beingfriends for so long, am sure she wont wnat to lose your friendship

HappyWoman Thu 10-Sep-09 18:40:27

oh i do feel for you. I hate the league tables and all that. It is not fair that the government have put the pressure on parents with this so called 'choice'. All it really means is that if you 'choose' the wrong school it is your fault and you can pile more guilt onto yourself.

I had similar happen to me many years ago when my ds started school. On paper the school he did get a place at was very poor and you really wouldnt have wanted to pick it - however it was really lovely and actually i think i would have recomended it to others.

These figures are massaged in such a way anyway and often you will find that the so called 'worst' schools have an awful lot to offer - especially for able pupils and they really do not let the children down.

Try and focus on the good things and tell your friend that whilst league tables and ofsted reports are considered you actually feel this the the best school for your dd.

Is your friend competitive by any chance?

dilemmadilemma Thu 10-Sep-09 19:54:54

My friend is very socially competitive, or a bit of a snob if you like when it comes to certain areas and how her DC are dressed.

I think tbh this school will suit my DD and the extra consideration that I have that she doesn't is that my DD has a younger sibling and I would have to go through the same dilemma next year with him.

I have time to calm down now and think things through, She is really just expressing her feelings about her DD and it is not a reflection on my choice, what I mean is I don't think she is saying it to be hurtful.

I did tell her straight that is was not useful for me to hear these comments and she has told me herself that she has spoken to other friends about how she really must shut up as it is upsetting me - she just doesn't seem able to stop.

I am now really hoping her DD does get a place next week and we can forget all of this and move on

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