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I couldn't find any offal to put in my drawers or victorian bloomers for the MIL to find but have put in immigration papers...

(60 Posts)
ballsofsteel Thu 10-Sep-09 13:29:07

...she is coming here at 2pm, I have put a rubber snake in the other drawer.

Would it be wise to place a defribrillator by the kitchen sink as a precaution?

For background:
I do not have a good relationship with PIL and only tolerate what I have to for my dh, the last time she was here and I had to help dh to help FIL she went through my personal belongings (in my bedroom) I had a feeling she would snoop for put in printed off rude drawings and some sex toys.

She found them (as the drawer was not arranged properly as I had left it) and she was acting even more freakishly than usual.

I am at that point of almost chickening out- I know it is childish but I have had my fill of taking the moral highground for almost 10 years. Shall I leave?

Where can I buy a cheap rosary?

PaulDacresCrackWhore Thu 10-Sep-09 13:30:52

Would a non-Catholic recognise a rosary? Not sure I would.

Have you put handcuffs on the bed?

FabBakerGirlIsBack Thu 10-Sep-09 13:32:58

Do you mean shall you leave your husband because your inlaws are being pains?

Miamla Thu 10-Sep-09 13:33:03

i remember your thread from last time. surely emigration papers would be more of a worry to her, no?
ooh, what about some phallic veg in your bedside drawer? a few carrots and a cucumber would be a good start!

itsmeolord Thu 10-Sep-09 13:33:10

Better off with a voodoo doll than a rosary.

<sniggering at immigration papers emoticon>

gorionine Thu 10-Sep-09 13:33:20

I have no idea where you can buy a cheap rosary but I will certainly put your thread on "watch"smile. Let us know how it went!

clumsymum Thu 10-Sep-09 13:33:42

I would make sure she found a diary, which contained all my thoughts about HER.

Oh, and a note which said "I know you are looking".

bumpybecky Thu 10-Sep-09 13:33:56

cheesegrater in the bedside drawer?

big bottle of oil (sunflower etc if you've not got baby oil) next to the bed?

gorionine Thu 10-Sep-09 13:35:04

My anty once asked a butcher for some cows eyes to make a joke. You could try that!

ballsofsteel Thu 10-Sep-09 13:35:51


I cannot type propery today. I want her to think we are going because her behaviour has been so vile.

I have put all the filthy stuff in the drawers purely for my amusement and to test her. I started a thread about it and got some remarkable responses that had me clutching my sides.

MyCatIsAFleaBagNoMore Thu 10-Sep-09 13:39:01

Ooh yes, I second clumsymum - def a note that says 'I know your looking' and you could add 'and I'm watching you' just to freak her out a bit.

How about a video recorder set up on a tripod at the end of the bed?

MrFlibble Thu 10-Sep-09 13:41:20

Go to the library and get some books that are entitled "So you want to move to Australia" and "All you need to know about emigrating" oh and "Toxic Inlaws"

Hulababy Thu 10-Sep-09 13:41:57

Or a diary with some quite graphic details of you and DH????

FarkinBarkin Thu 10-Sep-09 13:42:36

I would leave a small stash of love letters with FIL's name on the top, gushing about how you've always had a bit of a thing for him and how you hope that this time you will be able to pluck up the courage to post the letter to him.

Or worse still, write them to MIL instead.

ballsofsteel Thu 10-Sep-09 13:42:50


I knew you were all wicked and twisted.

It was suggested a put a black book with men's names,willy sizes and marks out of 10. I quite liked that too!

Buda Thu 10-Sep-09 13:45:27

I would just put a note as follows:

Dear X

Can I help you? You seem to be looking in my drawer. Are you looking for anything in particular?


Hulababy Thu 10-Sep-09 13:45:32

You could add some pictures where no faces are shown, with maybe people that have just the right hair colour for you and DH Or in black and white so harder to distinguisw.

BroodyChook Thu 10-Sep-09 13:45:42

Just put sheets of A4 in all your drawers with 'BOO!' written in large letters. Perhaps add in smaller print 'Please stop looking in my personal things, it's incredibly rude and disrespectful. You crazy old bat'.

bran Thu 10-Sep-09 13:48:24

I'm standing by to hear what happens.

If she does keel over with a heart attack make sure you dispose of your hide-and-seek items before your DH finds them and puts two and two together. You might even want to sort that you before you call the ambulance. [hard-hearted emoticon] wink

ballsofsteel Thu 10-Sep-09 13:54:36

yes I have thought of that and have the metal bin on standby so that I can burn the evidence and then laugh like a maniac.

I am turning into this

AttilaTheMeerkat Thu 10-Sep-09 14:06:34

Your PIL's are the terrible twosome that started your airport thread wasn't it?.

BTW how does your DH get along with his parents, presumably he does know about the antipathy between you and them?. You've had 10 years of their crap and MIL has no right whatsoever to go through your things. I bet you any money she'd want to sue you if you were to look through her drawers.

I would not want to be looking at another 10 years of this. It is as much your H's problem as yours; he should certainly be taking them to task and if they sulk as a result then that's their problem. You have not made them this way.

Malificence Thu 10-Sep-09 14:09:47

I'd print off the nastiest stuff I could find from the net, how about "enema play for beginners", or the "experts guide to ball trampling" etc. ( they are just made up things but I'm sure than similar things exist online!). I would have been tempted to get a huge glow in the dark speculum or something equally pervy.

My MIL destroyed my relationship with her when I found her going through my letters to my hubby when he was away in the 1st gulf war and dd was just a baby - she had just "happened" upon them when very kindly "tidying up" - what kind of evil witch reads a couple's love letters?
I pretty much hated her from that moment on, the only reason I wish she was still alive is so I could throw our 25th anniversary in her face and say " you said we wouldn't last - well up yours".

NigellaTufnel Thu 10-Sep-09 14:13:33

What about a good old fashioned mouse trap?

ballsofsteel Thu 10-Sep-09 14:14:27

Yes the airport PIL was me.

She is not here yet- of course. hmm

He does moan at them and doesn't take too much crap from them these days. I am normally present when he goes off at them.

This is small potatoes compared to what we've had to put up with, so I predict the next 10 years won't be helf as stressful.

They have tamed a bit too, not much but a bit. We used to spend lots of time with them, just to keep them from complaining but now as a result of their atrocious behaviour it might be about once every 8/9 weeks or so. (this kills them as they live in the next road)

hottiebear Thu 10-Sep-09 14:32:14

What about something that will come off on her hands, or stick to her hands so it will be undeniable that she has been in your drawer? Permanent wet ink, dye etc hidden underneath something that she will pick up? Woodwork paint on the underside of the immigration papers, applied just before she comes? That takes ages to dry.

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