Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

i was looking back to four years ago and was quite stunned at how much my life has changed in that time.

(33 Posts)
RealityIsNOTDetoxing Wed 09-Sep-09 10:06:19

Message withdrawn

Mamazon Wed 09-Sep-09 10:10:53

Thats a lovely post.
I can agree totally that my life is very very different to how it was when i was with Xp.

And i can confirm that your Dc's are indeed happy healthy and utterly gorgeous. watching your DS on singstar nearly had me in tears he was so adorable.

Its amazing how quickly your life can change when you get rid of just one thing thats making it awful huh.


AstronomyDomine Wed 09-Sep-09 10:12:48

That's fabulous Reality - I was in a similar situation until I left 7½ years ago (blimey - was it that long ago) having put up with arsehole exDP for 11½ years!! I don't think my situation was as bad as yours - there were no drugs involved and the abuse was mainly verbal, but life was horrible and it made me horrible too.

Now I'm completely happy, DS is fantastic after a year or so of being off-kilter. I met my DP 6 years ago (on the net!!) and I genuinely couldn't be happier.

You're right - you don't have to put up with shitty situations, you can get out, take your life back and change everything for the better.

Lizzylou Wed 09-Sep-09 10:13:47

Wow, good for you.

Very inspiring, how you have turned your life around and enabled your DC to be happy and secure.

YOu richly deserve your happiness.


RealityIsNOTDetoxing Wed 09-Sep-09 10:19:34

Message withdrawn

MissAnnesley Wed 09-Sep-09 10:22:23

Fair play to you Reality.

Good post and good work.

mrsboogie Wed 09-Sep-09 14:29:29

I think it is really helpful to post these kind of threads, it means you are not just telling women is shitty situations "oh just leave" you are SHOWING that it can be done and that you can have the happy ever after life even if you didn't start out making good choices. Especially woman who think no-one will want a single mother with kids, or women who think they shouldn't break up the family (aaarrgghhhg) or any of the other lies we tell ourselves to prevent us making changes.

The great thing abput this situation is that having had a crap life and got of it is you really appreciate having a good one and having a decent bloke and while others are bemoaning the mundanity of daily life and wondering "is this it?" you are loving it and counting your blessings. wink Which IMO is probably the single most important thing a person can do for themselves in life.

I think it is you who has the "glass half empty" SiL isn't it reality?

NicknameTaken Wed 09-Sep-09 14:30:55

Yay, reality! I agree that it is extremely encouraging to read these posts. Change is possible!

RealityIsNOTDetoxing Wed 09-Sep-09 14:32:57

Message withdrawn

LoveMyGirls Wed 09-Sep-09 14:35:32

Your story is pretty much the same as mine down to the just about to get married and being a childminder. It is amazing how far we've come smile I couldn't be happier!

Scorps Wed 09-Sep-09 14:39:20

You seem so brave, so self assured. I'm pregnant with dc4 and i think i want to leave DH, but i'm not brave enough. It helps a small bit, each time i hear something like you have written

GypsyMoth Wed 09-Sep-09 14:43:39

my life has been similiar reality!!

i despair when i read the rubbish that women are putting up with in the relationship section...truly despair..

out of intererest though,what was your turning point,what made you escape?

mine was when my ex took alll my underwear to work (thongs had just come into fashion!!!!) he said i couldn't have an affair then....course i could!! i could go knickerless i told him....think i got a bruise for that remark!! was worth it cos was last one i got!

RealityIsNOTDetoxing Wed 09-Sep-09 14:50:07

Message withdrawn

mrsboogie Wed 09-Sep-09 14:51:01

Tiffany shock @ his logic!!

yes I feel sorry for and annoyed with your SiL in equal measure reality when you post about her - I believe that you should really appreciate and enjoy it when your life is even just ok because you never know when things will go wrong. How awful to look back and regret a life spent feeling miserable for no bloody reason when in fact they were the best days of your life!

OrmIrian Wed 09-Sep-09 14:56:39

Well done reality! grin Most inspiring. And a leetle unsettling too...

NicknameTaken Wed 09-Sep-09 15:17:07

Tiffany, loving the logic that you can't have an affair if knickerless!

Geocentric Wed 09-Sep-09 15:20:19

What a wonderful post, Reality!!!! smile

FabBakerGirlIsBack Wed 09-Sep-09 16:26:46

Reality smile

Everyone deserves a man who puts them first.

I had a bit of a wobble today and phoned my hubby and he was just lovely smile.

PixieOnaLeaf Wed 09-Sep-09 16:31:04

Message withdrawn

Julezboo Wed 09-Sep-09 16:38:40

What a wonderful post Reality.

I think I will add mine too if it helps people....

Also 4 years ago I was in an abusive relationship, he was an emotional bully rather than a physical one, one example, I had major surgery, I couldnt get out of bed without help and I needed the toilet, he left me there, laughed in my face and walked out of the house, i knew then I had to get me n DS (then 2) out.

We was also on benefits, in debt, he worked for a dodgy bloke and brought all kinds of trouble to our door.

I have moved 200 miles away, we own a house, I drive, have a car, full time job and on the 4th July this year I married the most amazing bloke and we have another DS who is 2! Both my boys are happy little men now

BitOfFun Wed 09-Sep-09 16:50:39

Very inspiring, and very true! Four years ago I was living with a mind game connoisseur who had me horribly depressed and doing some truly stupid and self-destructive things in an attempt to keep him him happy. Eventually, something just clicked in my brain and I decided No More. Even though I had believed I was completely trapped. As it often turns out, I wasn't at all, he just wanted me to believe that, and I started to build a much much happier life without him. The transformation in me was incredible, and my life now is a hundred times happier, you wouldn't recognise me!

Laquitar Wed 09-Sep-09 16:54:34

Ah what a lovely post Reality!

My life has changed a lot but not in the past 4 years like yours, i am talking 20 yrs am that old grin

Welldone and keep going up!! And julezboo too!

TrillianAstra Wed 09-Sep-09 17:03:40



And let's not forget you're getting married!

Megglevache Wed 09-Sep-09 17:06:22

Reality what a brilliant and inspiring thread, one for the MN classics. I take my hat off to you for taking control and for wanting better for yourself and your children

I have a feeling I'll be linking to this some time soon grin

AnyFucker Wed 09-Sep-09 20:01:59

I already have grin

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: