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DH not phoning when staying away overnight.

(28 Posts)
colie Tue 08-Sep-09 23:21:03

If your dh ever stays away overnight does he phone you or/and dc to say good night.

He is away with work, in other words not suppose to be for fun but because of work. Though usually when he goes away with work he will go out for a drink with his collegues at night time. So, if he does phone it will be about 6pm when kids are at the table eating their dinner and he just speaks to me. He doesn't speak to the dc's to say good night.

Think I am a bit annoyed with him as I couldn't imagine going away and not phoning my daughters to say good night.

I know I could phone him and put the girls on the phone but I feel he should want to do this because he loves them.

I just want to know if your dh's phone home if they ever go away overnight or if you phone if you ever go away overnight.

mumblechum Tue 08-Sep-09 23:23:37

He normally phones from the airport to let me know he's landed then again just before his flight home.

Occasionally I may get a bonus call if he's bored or somewhere like Niagara Falls hmm but otherwise he doesn't, mainly because of the time difference.

If he's away in the UK for more than a couple of days I'll get a call to let me know he's still alive.

IdrisTheDragon Tue 08-Sep-09 23:29:07

If DH is away overnight he will sometimes phone me but it depends what he is doing. He doesn't generally phone the children to say goodnight but this doesn't bother me - we all know we love each other.

He is going away on Thursday until Saturday and I'm not expecting any calls - he will probably text to let me know he's all right and if he weren't, I would find out about it.

If I were going away, I probably wouldn't call to say goodnight to DS and DD, although it would depend how long I was away for.

I suppose that as DH often gets back from work after DS and DD are asleep, they are used to him not saying goodnight to them, so it isn't the same as if he normally did every night.

gingerbunny Tue 08-Sep-09 23:30:24

My hubbie, always phones and speaks to me and the kids. If he knows he won't be available in the evening, he'll phone during the day.
If he misses anyone, eg ds at school, he always rings back later.

colie Tue 08-Sep-09 23:37:45

He is here every night when the kids go to bed. He only goes away overnight approx 4 times a year.

My problem maybe that he hasn't phoned me to say goodnight. I just feel a bit taken for granted. He goes away (although for work). I still have 3 small children and he couldn't give up 10 minutes of his child free evening/night to phone.

Maybe I am just in my usual annoyed mood. On rare occassions the kids get babysat out to relatives houses, and I don't necessarily phone them to say good night.

Think I maybe just a little bit envy of him.

2rebecca Tue 08-Sep-09 23:42:07

If it's work then no as often busy in meetings/ networking etc and mobile reception in hotels can be dodgy and hotel phones stupidly expensive. If we phone each other fine but it doesn't bother me. We often just send a good night text. It's just 1 night. Our kids aren't keen on talking on the phone and as we are divorced don't see not seeing a particular parent for 1 night as a big deal.

cat64 Tue 08-Sep-09 23:48:21

Message withdrawn

hambler Wed 09-Sep-09 00:31:45

was going to say everything cat64 said

alwayslookingforanswers Wed 09-Sep-09 00:42:57

sometimes he does, sometimes he doesn't.

TBH I'm more likely to call him/the DS's if I'm away from home that he is to phone me. But that's no reflection on our relationship - I'm just more neurotic grin

tigerbear Wed 09-Sep-09 00:44:23

I usually call my DH, but not always, and it's the same the other way round. Him probably less than me. It used to annoy me, but not so much now.

mumof2teenboys Wed 09-Sep-09 07:47:22

When my OH was working away, he used to phone about once a week, usually about 6.30 in the morning becsuse of the time diffs.

I don't think that was too much/ not enough. It was what he could manage, I think that it isn't always the first thing that men think of. A phone call home means such a lot to us, but doesn't have the same relevance to them! grin

PfftTheMagicDragon Wed 09-Sep-09 08:08:15

You need to stop projecting your feelings onto him. YOU don't understand how he could not call. You would always call. You don't want to have to be the one to call.

You are assuming that he is thinking certain things, assuming that he doesn't care enough. If you have these one sided conversations in your head then when he gets home you are going to be angry at him and he will have no idea why!

Just ASK him why he doesn't call.

BonsoirAnna Wed 09-Sep-09 08:10:30

Yes, if DP and I spend a night apart he always calls and we'll often talk for an hour or two, unless he is so busy that he just cannot fit it in (and then we'll talk for at least 20 minutes).

LaurieFairyCake Wed 09-Sep-09 08:13:22

If it was me I wouldn't call.

And my dh hasn't on the rare night he has been away.

Because he would be in bed sleeping the moment dinner ended when he was away and dd would still be up at home 2 hours later than him grin

We would both use the opportunity to get some nice quiet shut eye with no dog and no kid and a great big bed to myself.

Agree that you're projecting your feelings.

thesouthsbelle Wed 09-Sep-09 08:15:58

xh never did for one night out on ex. but it never bothered me, if it was a week ex then he did - usually to ring me up and ask me to get supplies from tesco for him! hmm

he's forces thou so would ring when he could/can not always at a set time.

cory Wed 09-Sep-09 08:27:36

Dh hardly ever goes away for work but I do. I would tend to phone maybe once in a 4 night stay, to say I've got there safely, not every night. The kids and I stay an extra month on our summer hols and tend to speak to him on the phone every 5 days or so.

Probably a hangover from the days of our 10 year long engagement when overseas phone calls were expensive and we were too poor to phone at all.

kingprawntikka Wed 09-Sep-09 08:28:42

My Husband if often away half the week. He also will usually go out to dinner with colleagues when abroad. He rings us every night but it may not always be the most convenient time . He will go to his hotel or finish up in the office and then have a quick wash before meeting up for dinner. He rings to talk to our (teenage) kids then . Even if they are eating dinner I would always put them on the phone. A couple of minutes chat about their day isn't lively to ruin their meal. My husband rings me to chat much later once he is going to bed and our youngest would be asleep by then.

kingprawntikka Wed 09-Sep-09 08:30:01

Likely to ruin meal not lively obviously!!

warthog Wed 09-Sep-09 08:32:02

nope i don't get called. if i do it's nice but otherwise just the odd text.

doesn't bother me.

Portofino Wed 09-Sep-09 08:53:04

My DH usually rings to say he's arrived safely. He'll talk to dd if she's still up. We don't chat for long as usually he has to go out for a meal. He'll sometimes text me to say goodnight before he goes to bed.

weegiemum Wed 09-Sep-09 09:00:46

My dh is away 2/3 nights a week.

He usually calls after teatime and speaks to whichever kids feel like speaking to him (dd2 mainly at the moment) but there is no pressure on them to speak if they are busy/don't feel like it.

He and I will usually have a natter later in the evening when one of us gets to bedtime, depending on whether he is busy or not (he's a gp doing ooh shifts).

We have got into a routine about it because it is what happens every week. If it was a once or twice a year thing, I'd want him to phone even more, I think.

He does the phoning as it has to fit round when he is seeing a patient and when he is playing stupid computer games waiting for the next patient to appear.

tobago04 Wed 09-Sep-09 09:09:36

DH always rings if he's away,which is'nt very often,or i'll ring him and he asks to speak to the kids,we don't speak for long though,we just check both are ok,i would'nt be upset if he did'nt ring to say good night but i would'nt like it if he did'nt ring at all,it's always worse for the one stuck at home

StrikeUpTheBand Wed 09-Sep-09 09:11:52

It would bother me if DP didn't ring or text at all even if it was just one night. I like to know he's ok and I'm interested in how things are going. He is hardly ever away anyhow.

When we were at uni (we met there)and back at home for holidays we would talk most nights on the phone for at least 10-15 minutes. Maybe the fact that we were at uni together and were constantly together means that we were more likely to drop into the pattern of keeping more closely in touch now we are older and see less of each other.

Ninjacat Wed 09-Sep-09 09:12:20

Without meaning to be harsh you are both adults in an adult relationship. Talk to him and explain how you feel. He may just have no idea. You can't will him to change his behaviour by telepathy you'll just upset yourself. Be brave and be honest and ask him to make that small adjustment that will be beneficial to all of you.
If he continues then you have a reason to feel cross.

allaboutme Wed 09-Sep-09 09:12:48

No my DH never does.
He calls when he can, which is at least once a day and mainly speaks to me as it tends to be later in the evening.
Although he works long hours when he is home and doesnt see or talk to the cildren before they go to bed most nights as he's not back by then.

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