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will he call etc?!

(14 Posts)
BabyAnabel Tue 08-Sep-09 17:27:27

Ok, so am quite embarrassed to be posting this but here goes.....Met a guy, really like him, spent last few weekends together. I want to know whether I should ask him if i am a) a 1-2 night stand, b) occasional friend with benefits or c) girlfriend......do you think it's too early to ask these questions, would appreciate any male input out there!! I want to know where this is heading before I get in too deep but dont want to make a ** of myself! He is def' calling less then he did to start with, which I know doesn't bode well!

HolyGuacamole Tue 08-Sep-09 17:47:12

Hmmm, a tough one. I'd say it's way too early to have 'the chat'. But maybe if you don't wanna be a Saturday night shag, then you have to lay your cards on the table? I don't mean that you have to make demands by the way!

It takes a long time to get to know someone and the initial phase of any 'relationship' is dodgy ground.

Say something too soon and you might scare him off......but maybe he'd be scared off anyway if he simply isn't looking for anything more at all. Leave it too long and your feelings could get more hurt as you have more time to like him more.

Of course there are no guarantees, maybe you need to decide what you want, instead of wondering what it is he wants. If you want more and absolutely do not want a casual relationship, then I'd say you have to tell him. If you're not that bothered, then just enjoy it for what it is?

Others would say, act nonchalant and let him come to you.....only text when he texts you etc etc. I'm not sure what the right answer is.

Sorry, I'm not much use.

SheWillBeLoved Tue 08-Sep-09 17:49:33

It depends on what you did during the weekends. Dates? Spend whole days together? Or just spend it in bed?

I think you know you aren't his girlfriend. If it hasn't been 'confirmed', you've only spent a few weekends together, and the calls are decreasing.. I'd put my money on fuck buddy, but not for much longer.

Who knows though! Ask him. Not got much to lose?

ohpenny Tue 08-Sep-09 18:26:17

thanks for both posts...think you are right and 'fuck buddy' it is....ouch!! will have awkward conversation with him later!

do you still hear from him every day?

pinkthechaffinch Tue 08-Sep-09 18:44:39

Hmm, read your post with interest.

I think it sounds like he could be losing interest, in which case there's no point asking him where it's going.

I would make myself completely unavailable for a while and see if that makes a difference. Is there any way you can make him jealous? Might work wink

AnyFucker Tue 08-Sep-09 18:58:40

oh, don't play games

don't make demands either, just ask him where he thinks it is going

ohpenny Tue 08-Sep-09 19:09:38

hi donttouchmumsspecialjuice, no i dont but havent text him today either

but you heard from him yesterday?

just bec ause he isn't on the phone constant doesn't mean he's losing interest.

the number of calls/texts often can start of a huge number several times a day and then dwindle to a chat once a day. or even a whole day can go past without contact. this doesn't mean he's losing interest. just got over the initial flurry and settling down.

suppose he could be losing interest.

you dont NEED to be in contact throughout the day with continuous text like some relationship.

personally this drives me nuts sometimes.

yes it shows they are keen.

but bloody annoying.

someone who calls or has a brief text convo once a day.. or even every second day in between meeting at the wkd is great for me.

would much rather speak when i see them in person than use the phone.

i think if you seen him for the whole wkd for the past few wkds then its safe to say he's still interested if you have heard from him since.

ohpenny Tue 08-Sep-09 19:25:12

yeah I quite agree actually, got in from work last week and read 2 or 3 insecure texts from him and thought god thats a bit worrying and now i'm doing the same!!

However, was on facebook earlier and he came on & left v quickly without saying hello!!

shall i just preserve my dignity and just leave it, or go all out and ask him?

Sunfleurs Tue 08-Sep-09 19:31:46

I have never been a big believer in "the chat", things move on as they are supposed to to the right time scale if the relationship is right imvho.

Don't ring him or contact him and get a book called "He's just not that into you". I found it very helpful.

ohpenny Tue 08-Sep-09 19:33:36

thanks Sunfleurs

just leave it. read a book, do something to take your mind off it.

your tying yourself in knots for no reason.

FabBakerGirlIsBack Tue 08-Sep-09 19:38:14

If you want more than to be a 1 night stand or a fuck buddy then maybe hold off having sex for a while. Nothing wrong with sleeping with who you want but not so good if you get bothered by a lacking phone call.

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