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Please tell me your happy "Life after divorce" stories! I need to keep positive

(29 Posts)
BEAUTlFUL Tue 08-Sep-09 12:44:02

DH and I are splitting up and even though I know it's for the best, I'm still prone to feeling negative about it. We just aren't suited and it's a mutual decision, but I'm still feeling rejected and down and like my love-life is finished forever.

Slap me, sisters! So I was thinking, if you could reveal your happy stories of life and love after divorce, it would keep my chin up as we go through this process. And stop me begging him to stay just because I'm scared I'll never meet anyone else again ever.

Thanks!

Overmydeadbody Tue 08-Sep-09 12:49:56

<<slaps BEAUTIFUL>>

My life started after I got divorced, seriously!

I have had loads of wonderful sexual encounters, had a number of exciting new relationships (they ran their course, I am single at the moment but it is fun).

I properly persued my lifelong hobby of climbing, getting really good at it and being able to dedicate weekends and holidays to it without having to compromise for someone else.

I have been able to enjoy being single, enjoy getting to know new men, flirting, experimenting etc.

And then, there are all of the domestic advantages to being a single parent, like you make all the decisions, you don't have to compromise on parenting/disciplining etc.

You will meet loads of other people, why settle for one? Definately don't beg him to stay of anything like that. That is just demeaning yourself. ?Better to be single than to be with someone you are not suited to.

BEAUTlFUL Tue 08-Sep-09 12:51:50

That's perfect! is it easier domestically? I've been terrified that I'll descend into chaos, let DS1 drink cans of beer at lunchtime, never have set mealtimes again, etc...

ninah Tue 08-Sep-09 12:52:35

omg I never bothered to get married but I am sooo much happier after separation! job I love, home, dc settled - all good
and I found a bf on the internet for those little extras (shelving, you know ...)
feel like the sky's the limit
it will get better, honestly

BEAUTlFUL Tue 08-Sep-09 12:52:52

To clarify - DS1 won't have cans of beer at all, he is only 6. I'm not saying that I think alcohol is OK for kids but just not during the day blush

BEAUTlFUL Tue 08-Sep-09 12:55:33

Do married women still talk to you after you split from your DH (or DPs)?

BEAUTlFUL Tue 08-Sep-09 12:59:02

LOVING the idea of an internet-BF!

I'm already feling a lot brighter, and more into my career... A weight has been lifted.

Is it awful to have fantasies of his crawling back to me after 6 months when he sees how fabulous I've become and how wonderfully I've coped, and in which I calmly and kindly tell him that Hell will freeze over before he ever gets back with me afain?

Overmydeadbody Tue 08-Sep-09 13:04:02

It is so much easier domestically, seriously!

You know what I love? I love that my bedroom is just my bedroom. Everything I leave in there will still be in the same place next time I go in. If I tidy it up no one is going to come in and make a mess (apart form lego, I can handle thatsmile)

Mealtimes are bliss, I can cook what I want for DS and I, without having to factor in someone else's want.

No dirty boxers lying around.

No bulky shoes left in the hallway to trip over.

No x-box and related ugly paraphenalia.

And my house can be girly and pink. I don't evne have to consult with anyone before painting a room, buying new duvet covers, etc etc etc

And, if I pick DS up from school we can be spontanious and go out to the park/friends/a museum without having to tell anyone, arranging when we'll be back or making sure dinner is still ready tc etc

lovely lovely blissful living.

I don't think my married friends even think about the fact that I am divorced.

Overmydeadbody Tue 08-Sep-09 13:05:59

Not awful to have those fantasies, but they will soon subside. Soon you won't even be thinking about him at all because you will be too busy with other men!grin

BEAUTlFUL Tue 08-Sep-09 13:09:55

OMDB, you are a real spirit-lifter. It will be bliss not to have to ask DH's opinion on household stuff - mainly because he is SO NEGATIVE that it is a soul-destroyer.

Cooking is easier already, as DH doesn't eat meat so I'd always have to do him something different.

Annoyingly, he is only renting a place to start with (when he ever eventually finds one) so lots of his stuff will have to stay here. But I suppose that's what lofts are for.

madeupsurname Tue 08-Sep-09 13:15:50

Yes to everything OMDB has said. Living on your own with DCs is heaven.

I adore my bedroom and feel like I am staying in a luxury hotel every time I go to bed. grin

It is so nice to be independent, and not dragged down by anybody else's negativity.

I also feel like my relationship with DD has improved - we are a little team.

I truly love being single.

BEAUTlFUL Tue 08-Sep-09 13:16:06

I love how I can now get rid of the massive TV! I always wanted to but DH disagreed. Now I can raise happy, non-brain-dead DC.

BEAUTlFUL Tue 08-Sep-09 13:19:22

Madeupsurname -- thank you!! This is really, really cheering me up. Now I just can't wait to get on with it all.

He is on about living seperately for 2 years then divorcing, but now I just want it all to start. Clean break, fresh start, and no more boring, negative, draggy-downy fucking men.

PlumpRumpSoggyBaps Tue 08-Sep-09 13:20:34

For me it was just not having him there all the time, being smelly and a misery.

And having to help him with his problems when he wouldn't help with mine.

And no more 'competitive illness/tiredness'.

And my choice of telly/no telly etc.

And eventually meeting my tall dark and handsome (and quite well off blush) DH. In a nightclub. SOmething I hadn't done at all whislt with xh. (clubbing, that is)

Overmydeadbody Tue 08-Sep-09 13:35:33

Yay, glad you are feeling more positive already!

The first thing I ditched was the TV, when I got divorced. It is lovely.

Also, you can do as much MNing as you like grin

No more man mess to clean up in the bathroom either, like hair shavings and skid markd on the toilet <<shudder>>

Only ever having music I like playing in the house is alos wonderful smile

BEAUTlFUL Tue 08-Sep-09 13:39:12

"And having to help him with his problems when he wouldn't help with mine." Yes!

"And no more 'competitive illness/tiredness'." YES!

"And eventually meeting my tall dark and handsome (and quite well off ) DH." Yes YES YES PLEASE!!!

Best thread ever, I am reborn with optimism!

jabberwocky Tue 08-Sep-09 13:43:00

After I divorced ex-H I was able to move nearer to my family in a beautiful town with a lake and lots of art galleries I traveled and went out with friends, took dance classes and saw films. I enjoyed being single for 9 years then married my now dh and we have two boys.

You will be better than fine. You will find yourself all over again.

MuthaHubbard Tue 08-Sep-09 13:55:38

Totally agree with madeup and over - domestic advantages are bliss, as well as having bedroom which is ALL MINE!

Also not having to put up with snoring, which used to drive me mental (and after a while the kicking wasn't just to get him to turn over!)

I single-handedly redecorated my living room after him putting it off for ages and am now moving on to the dining room - my choice, no-one around to disagree and the total satisfaction of doing it myself.

Less clothes to wash - loads more wardrobe/drawer space!

The positive comments from friends on how happy I look and how well me and dc's are doing (some even admitting to being a tad jealous).

Going out and flirting (and even kissing or more!!)

Just the general calmness and happiness of not having him around and loving the fab time spent with dc's doing what we want!

BEAUTlFUL Tue 08-Sep-09 14:25:38

This is all so uplifting! Never thought it'd be easier domestically at all.

Definite recurring theme here that men (the wrog men, anyway) are bloody annoying to live with.

Anyone else? Lovely stories? Any more rich second husbands? (I'd love one of those!)

BEAUTlFUL Tue 08-Sep-09 14:42:55

.

madeupsurname Tue 08-Sep-09 16:36:42

Oh yes, everything MuthaHubbard says too. I have also done a lot of redecoration and found it immensely satisfying.

Have thought of a few more:

Feeling/looking younger and being more experimental with clothes and hair.

Able to have friends and family to stay whenever I like, without worrying about him being pissed off.

No stinky smells in bathroom.

No feeling resentful about household chores.

Lovely quiet relaxing evenings doing whatever I like.

cookinmama Tue 08-Sep-09 18:50:33

Christ, i'm happily married and this all sounds too good must hide this thread!!

Just wanted to say when my parents got divorced my mum thought it was the worst thing ever, she is now married to an absolutely wonderful man who treats her a million times better (second time round you know what you want and don't want and are less likely to 'settle')and none of us kids would change it for the world!!

wingedangel Tue 08-Sep-09 21:01:15

No DCs so I can't comment on that aspect of it, but I left my exH exactly this time a year ago.

Its been the best year of my life smile I have taken up rock climbing, and spent most of the summer outdoors. I've made new friends, and got to know existing friends better.

I can now invite people round for dinner which unsociable ex didn't like. I don't HAVE to go out on the piss every weekend, as ex used to sulk if he didn't get his weekly "fix". I do still go out, but its on my terms and when I can afford it.

I agree about nice having your own living space. V nice change not to have to ask for permission for home furnishings.

And listening to my music and watching my choice of film again has been a total revelation.

I've been on a few dates, had a bit of fun grin nothing serious but I'm ok with that. I left because I thought I would be happier being single forever than stuck with someone who didn't love me, didn't fancy me and didn't want to spend time with me. I was right. I haven't regretted my decision for a moment.

Good luck Beautiful!

BitOfFun Tue 08-Sep-09 21:19:35

Ohhh, being able to redecorate exactly to your taste is just bliss, being able to cook or just not bother is wonderful, being able to pop to a friend's for tea with the kids without "checking" first...and when you can send the rugrats to their dad's and go out on the lash TILL WHENEVER YOU WANT, or go to bed at eight-thirty with the laptop and a glass of wine, or arrange a sleepover at an old mate's in your hometown, or anything...

YOU are the boss of you, and it's bloody brilliant!

And you are free to meet someone wonderful, and decide exactly when, or indeed if he ever gets to leave his toothbrush round at yours, without feeling you should compromise because you can hear the tick tock of your biological clock, because you've already got that particular t-shirt...

It is pretty bloody marvellous actually grin

BitOfFun Tue 08-Sep-09 21:23:14

wingedangel, quite a few people got to have a bit of fun after her divorce actually, they just didn't get to keep her wink <snigger>

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