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just out of sink...:(

7 replies

haven · 02/06/2005 14:14

dh and i get along..most of the time. Besides the occasional stress relief battle. But, for quite some time i have felt like we are on two different wave lengths. our intimate life is almost non existant and when it does happen it isn't very satifying as a woman. I don't mean orgasm, man to wife satifying. ( don't think i am nuts ) right, right after, we end up talking about the kids or bills, like it never even happened. I have tried to talk to him, we are drifting. between the children and his work i don't know anything about him anymore really. we have been married for four years, and living together for almost six..Is this the way marriage goes? all we have to talk about is bills and the children.

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MarsLady · 02/06/2005 14:23

do you take time out for yourselves? (says she sounding like Oprah sorry).

I think you should go out together with the strict rule that you don't talk about the kids. I think you probably need some time together, like you used to before kids. I don't think you can be intimate with someone if you don't know them and how can you know each other if you don't spend time together

Not a personal poke, just an observation and believe me I've had to look hard at me and DH too.

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ScrewballMuppet · 02/06/2005 14:52

its easy to forget who its your sharing your life with when you get stuck just carrying out the everyday day to day running of things.

Agree with Marslady

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haven · 02/06/2005 23:26

guess that is the problem...there isn't anyone to sit with the children. I think we are headed down a one way street. I love him dearly, but just don't have time to show. When we actually do have time, we need time to ourselves to recoup..We are in a rut and slowly grinding down. He does his thing and, me well right now the children are watching t.v. and i'm talking to you guys...
He on the other hand is on his way about 2 hours away to look at a boat soooo he can go fishing to get some more time to himself and do manly stuff. I want to be mad, but I know how he feels so I just say go. I have nooooooooooo idea how couples do it with lots of children. But, then again most people I know have a sitter or family that helps. I really don't have a clue how to fix this.

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MarsLady · 03/06/2005 00:18

Do you know any mums of teenagers? Uni students? Not sure what to suggest, will have to put some thought to it.

What about making a special dinner once a week or getting take away, turning off the telly (and the computer) and dating at home?

How old are the children? Are they old enough so that you can have the odd weekend lie in together where you talk and connect?

Lots of questions I know, but I'm trying to think of ways round the babysitting issue. Whereabouts are you?

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haven · 03/06/2005 00:55

dd 8 , ds 2

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ScrewballMuppet · 04/06/2005 12:07

How about a childminder?
When I was looking for a childminder they all said they would do the odd evening or maybe you could put them in childcare for an afternoon every now and again.
A bit extreme considering extra cost and children upset initially but it would be worth it in the end if yo and dh could get to know each other again or should I say remind each other of who you are.

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haven · 04/06/2005 22:21

no, u.s...
dh doesn't seem to mind. it is just me. three days have come and gone and i have hardly seen him. and when i try to talk to him the children always interrupt, not a bad way just kids being kids. and then he is gone again. i'm just a woman with a needy heart i guess, because he just goes on about his business.