I found my husband in his car with another woman about 5 weeks ago. He told me she was just someone he had met during drinks after work & it was the first time they had met up & that they never kissed. A week later I found out it was actually someone from work. He told me he only saw her for a month & it was over, that he never slept with her. A couple of weeks later I found out he had been texting her for a while & that he had carried on texting her after I found them. I found out 2 days ago that he had told her he was thinking of leaving me & they were going to give their relationship a chance. I found out last night, on our third year wedding anniversary, that he has slept with her twice and that the affair has been going on for 6 months.
We have two daughters, one is 21 months old, and the other just 10 weeks. The affair was going on when I gave birth.
My world has been rocked and I have no idea how to get through all of this. He says he kept lying to protect me but it has done the exact opposite. When I found out he had been planning on leaving me I told him it was over but he begged me to stay. Says that he tried to but could never go ahead with it because he loved me. He says that the reality of losing me has made him realise that he can't live without me. He has said he'll get a new job, we'll go to counselling, move house, move away. make a fresh start. Said he will do anything to keep me. He sent her a text 2 nights ago saying it was over.
But yesterday I found out he slept with her & I'm not sure I can live with this. I told him again that I couldn't do it - that it hurt too much. He broke down in tears, the first time I have ever seen him really cry. I asked him to let me go but he said he couldn't. I've never seen him act like that, and for the first time in 5 weeks, I actually felt like he was truly sorry for what he had done & that he does love me.
I believe we are meant to be together forever, I love him with every inch of my heart, despite what he has done. I know that having two kids close together has put a real strain on our relationship. I'm not making excuses for him but I know we have both seen each other as parents and not husband & wife for a long time. I want to get back what we once had but don't know if it is too late.
I have never felt pain like I'm feeling now, is it ever going to go away? Can I really trust him again one day? I feel like if I know that other people out there have survived something like this, then I can at least give it a chance.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Can we really survive his affair.... or am I a fool?
bobsnpops · 08/09/2009 06:38
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