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XP assaulted me and is now threatening to kill himself

(54 Posts)
FeelSOsick Fri 04-Sep-09 17:39:18

I haven't posted on MN in a long time because I was labelled a troll before but I really need some advice and I don't want to tell anyone in RL, so please don't just shout troll, I am genuine, I just need to get things straight in my head so I can decide how to move forward from this event that happened today.

OK, so the background is that my DS's dad was violent to me for many years but a year ago he hurt our son, I split with him and pressed charges, but beause of most of the really bad things he had done were over 6 months ago he only got probation.

Over the year my relationship with him has been up and down, against SS advice I still let him see his DS but only under my supervision as SS didn't have the capacity to do it for me, I don't know why but I just felt it was important that my DS know his dad so he can make up his own mind about him. he has been verbally abusive towards me meaning that every few months I would tell him that enough was enough and to get lost, but stupid me would always be talked around to give him another chance.

In the year we have been split I have had one relationship but due to my confidence issues I just didn't feel good enough for anyone and so split up with them shortly afterwards.

Last night after me and XP hadn't spoken for about 5 weeks he came online and spoke to me, was being really nice and for some reason, I really don't know why, I agreed to go and pick him up, In the 5 weeks we hadn't spoken I was so lonely because when we were together he made sure I didn't have any friends and now we are not together I still don't have any friends.

Anyway, he came over and we spent the night together and when DS woke up he was so happy that his daddy was around but as usual when he sees us he was picking fights, he kept picking at me and I cried, it was a mixture of me feeling low and his shouting, but he said he was going to leave, I know it was really stupid but I went and get the keys out of the door and told him he wasn't going to leave until this was sorted out, when i did this he grabbed me and threw me onto the stairs and then pushed me on the floor and wouldn't get off me, I bit him to try and get him off me which worked, he didn't actually hit me but i have a bruise coming on my arm and leg from the force he used. when he let me up because our DS was screaming I comforted DS and he just screamed at me, I unlocked the door and told him to go. I told him that I would be reporting him to the police.

Because of his probation if he did anything like this he would be arrested straight away and would probably go to prison.

He has been texting me since telling me that if I report him to the police he would hang himself, I am now in turmoil because I don't want him to get away with assaulting me again but I think he might carry out his threat and I don't want my son to know that his dad has killed himself, I have a friend whose dad killed himself and he has severe mental health problems.

I know that I have done wrong to have let him back into our life, and I know that most of this I have brought on myself, but I just need someone to help me make the decison whether to report him to the police or not...

GreensleevesFlouncedLikeAKnob Fri 04-Sep-09 17:40:41

call the police

really, call the police

if he hangs himself because you made a well-justified phone call then he was going to hang himself anyway

but he won't, he is just yanking your chain

junglist1 Fri 04-Sep-09 17:41:33

Sorry but let the cunt hang himself. He's not a father, you're mistaken there.

wilkos Fri 04-Sep-09 17:41:34

i am with greensleeves on this one

dittany Fri 04-Sep-09 17:42:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scroobiuspirate Fri 04-Sep-09 17:42:26

ring them, therefore end the control he has.

don't ever have him in your house again.

warthog Fri 04-Sep-09 17:42:51

greensleeves has got this right.

call the police.

if he kills himself, he was going to do it anyway.

don't feel guilty. he has chosen to act this way. you have just been too kind and forgiving.

wilkos Fri 04-Sep-09 17:43:07

interesting that you think your ds will have mental health issues if his dad kills himself

so hes not likely to have mental health issues seeing daddy beat up mummy and then get away with it hmm

wilkos Fri 04-Sep-09 17:43:07

interesting that you think your ds will have mental health issues if his dad kills himself

so hes not likely to have mental health issues seeing daddy beat up mummy and then get away with it hmm

5inthebed Fri 04-Sep-09 17:43:42

Please, call the police. He won't habg himself, he is just saying it so you won't.

MorrisZapp Fri 04-Sep-09 17:43:48

There is absolutely no decision to be made. You must report him immediately.

He is a violent criminal and should be in prison, so that is exactly the right place for him and the right thing for you to do.

He almost certainly won't kill himself if you let him off, he'll bide his time and reel you in again.

Please report him, for the sake of yourself and your child. You owe this man nothing.

4andnotout Fri 04-Sep-09 17:44:18

He is a bully and a coward.

Ring the police, he won't hang himself.

dittany Fri 04-Sep-09 17:44:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Katisha Fri 04-Sep-09 17:44:53

Call the police and also tell them about his suicide threats. Put it all in their hands.

LuluMaman Fri 04-Sep-09 17:44:55

call them, he is using the worst kind of emotional blackmail and cowardice

odds are, if he was genuinely suicidal, he would not be using it as another stick to beat you with

travellingwilbury Fri 04-Sep-09 17:45:55

I would call the police as well .

If you do and he kills himself he is the only one to blame . Also if you don't and he does it anyway you will blame yourself because you will think he may well have been helped if someone else knew how bad he was feeling .

Don't worry about what actions he may or may not do just worry about the things you can control about your own actions .

ZippysMum Fri 04-Sep-09 17:45:59

I'm with Greensleeves. Call the police.

And also agree with junglist and dittany. He is not a father to your son. And it is your job to protect your son if you can.

Keep him out of your house and your life.

CyradisTheSeer Fri 04-Sep-09 17:47:06

Message withdrawn

FeelSOsick Fri 04-Sep-09 17:47:33

He said that I hurt myself by walking backwards onto the stairs and that he didn't hurt me at all, he said that I was holding him 'hostage', I know that I shouldn't have done it, I just wanted him to listen to reason before yet again walking put of our DSs life without even a goodbye.

He has basically said that the police won't believe me and that it is all me exaggerating, I feel so angry at myself for letting him back in and doing this to us.

I feel so sick at the thought of having to go through all i did last year when i was waiting for him to be prosectuted, especially if then they don't believe me.

I can't believe I have let him do this to us again

zookeeper Fri 04-Sep-09 17:49:24

Keep the texts and go to the police. You didn't bring this on yourself. You don't deserve this treatment. I doubt for a minute he will kill himself tbh. l

LauraIngallsWilder Fri 04-Sep-09 17:49:52

I heart Greensleeves too

Call the police and get this man out of your lives

Your ds can make up his mind about him when he is 16 - he doesnt need to do that now
The stress this situation causes you far far outweighs any benefit of having contact with his father

wilkos Fri 04-Sep-09 17:50:17

its happened. call the police. i remember you from last time.

please stop this once and for all and enjoy your life without this pitiful excuse for a man in it.

GreensleevesFlouncedLikeAKnob Fri 04-Sep-09 17:50:26

He is a fucking bully and he is using the crudest and most obvious methods of controlling you.

Of course he wants you to feel as though the police won't believe you, that you brought it on yourself. He WANTS you to feel isolated, alone and unworthy of protection.

But he is WRONG. Of course the police will believe you. They have seen it all before.

Please call them, you don't deserve to be terrorised by this man and you and your ds will be so much happier without the threat of him hanging over you.

Mamazon Fri 04-Sep-09 17:50:29

the suicide threat is another form if control.
call the police.

and then FFs will you please listen to the trained professionals and not allow him to have contact with your son.

warthog Fri 04-Sep-09 17:50:37

they WILL believe you.

precisely because you have called them before. get photos of those bruises.

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