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dh wants another baby but I don't...

(10 Posts)
paddingtonbear1 Thu 03-Sep-09 20:25:32

We have one dd, who is 6. I adore her but really don't want any more, but I feel bad for dh because he does. Before I married dh I didn't really want kids, dh did, we discussed it and decided to compromise on 1. He seemed ok with this but now he is hoping I'll change my mind and have another. He wishes we'd have an 'accident' before I get too old (I'm 41, he is 6 years younger). I don't think he'd leave me and dd but I don't want to think of him resenting me! Has anyone else had experience of this? I guess it's more often the other way around?

MaggieVirgo Thu 03-Sep-09 20:28:50

I'd say 'alright go on then'. The chances are you won't get pregnant. Sorry if that sounds really blunt. (I'm only 2 years younger).

Niftyblue Thu 03-Sep-09 20:29:54

I take it he knows how you feel about having another child ?

lumnag Thu 03-Sep-09 21:50:07

Why do you not want a second child?

mrsboogie Thu 03-Sep-09 21:51:00

DO NOT say oh go on then! The chances are you will get pregnant! I got pregnant on the very first attempt at 40. Many women are as fertile into their 40s as they were in their 20s.

He knew your views. You have already compromised and given him a child. It is better that he resents you a little for a child that doesn't exist than you resenting him for a child that does.

warthog Thu 03-Sep-09 22:12:11

you're the one that will have to bear the brunt of this: pregnancy, labour, bf perhaps, and majority of childcare (most likely). is there some compromise to be had? have number 2, but get a cleaner or help a day a week. something like that?

paddingtonbear1 Thu 03-Sep-09 22:37:37

yes, he does know how I feel. He won't normally bring the subject up directly, just drops it in to conversation sometimes even if we're with friends! It never really came up before dd started school, as until then we couldn't afford another - we both work (me PT since dd was born), and childcare costs were prohibitive. That would still be the case as we don't have family near, but that's not the main reason really - I've never been broody, and although I love dd to bits, I just can't face it all again. SIL is just about to have her first, and it still hasn't made me want another! I'd be doing it for dh and dd, but the age gap would be too big for them to be playmates. I guess they could be close later on. I'm an only btw.

paddingtonbear1 Thu 03-Sep-09 22:43:13

.. and I wouldn't dare say go on then, as it only took a month the first time! I know 2nd time could be different, but I wouldn't risk it..

KristinaM Thu 03-Sep-09 22:49:56

no, dont risk it unless you are SURE you want another baby. i got pg TWICE on the first month of TTC aged 41

and then conceived AGAIN ( not trying and still bf ) just before my 43rd birthday

as mrs boogie says, lots of women are still fertile in their 40s

diddl Fri 04-Sep-09 08:27:37

It´s all about compromise, and you have compromised by having one, when you didn´t want any.
His compromise was to accept one, which he is now not doing.
Don´t give in if you really don´t want another.
You´ll probably end up resenting the morning sickness, birth, nappies, broken nights and perhaps even the baby.

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