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Need advice on domestic violence...

(12 Posts)
MrsMerryHenry Thu 03-Sep-09 20:14:46

...am I right in thinking that you can now report someone to the police with or without the victim's consent?

MissisBoot Thu 03-Sep-09 20:18:57

yes you can - the police can decide to act even if the victim doesn't want to press charges.

nigglewiggle Thu 03-Sep-09 20:22:17

Yes. Some evidence would be needed though and it is very difficult to gather without the consent of the victim. Is there an independent witness?

MaggieVirgo Thu 03-Sep-09 20:33:04

Yes, do it.

I endured an abusive relationship for 8 years, (varying but intensifying degrees of abuse) because I thought that even if I did reing the police, nobody would believe me, and my x would have denied everything and made me look mad and tried to take the children.

IF somebody who'd heard him yelling at me and kicking down the bathroom door to get at me and continue shouting at me and attacking me..... and reported it to the police, then I would have known that NEXT time,,,,,, I would have been believed.

nigglewiggle Thu 03-Sep-09 20:47:17

The best thing to do would be to ring your local police station and ask to speak to the Domestic Violence Officer. You can explain the situation and they can discuss the options available.

dizietsma Thu 03-Sep-09 20:48:46

PLEASE do it. Growing up my neighbours and family friends all knew my stepdad was beating my mum. No-one did anything. I remember cowering and terrified in my bedroom, hearing him beating the crap out of her, her screaming and him yelling, thinking "The neighbours must be hearing this, why don't they call the cops?" I'm still really angry at them for their failure of moral courage.

CloudDragon Thu 03-Sep-09 20:59:55

you can ring Womens aid for more advice too.

MrsMerryHenry Thu 03-Sep-09 21:26:54

Thanks all, it's for a friend whose sister is a victim of DV. Apparently the neighbours can corroborate the story as my friend's sister is not taking action. I shall send her this link.

serajen Fri 04-Sep-09 13:52:24

One of the worst things to read in a paper is neighbours' comments after a tragic event, "we heard screaming", "we saw the poor child out in the garden cold and hungry", FFS if you KNOW there's something wrong DO something, sorry not shouting at anyone in particular but all this 'wise after the event' crap does my head in, if I was living next door to any kind of obvious trauma, to man, woman, child or animal, I'd have to act, somehow or another

mathanxiety Fri 04-Sep-09 17:09:46

I know when I lived in fear of my ex, I always wished someone would have made that phone call. When you're living through the rages, it's all you can do just to keep from falling over and peeing in your pants from fear. I wished someone else would take the responsibility out of my hands, decide when enough was enough, do what I could not give myself permission to do. I would do it in an instant now for someone else, not give it a second thought. Don't spend time wondering about your judgement of the situation, worried if you're misinterpreting things. That's for the police to decide when they arrive.

MrsMerryHenry Sun 06-Sep-09 22:54:45

so sad for you, mathanxiety, that is just a horrible way to live. Glad you're out of it now and hope you've had all the support you need.

Serajen - I know, I totally agree with you. I cannot imagine how you could make observations like that and do nothing. Shameful, really shameful.

mathanxiety Sun 06-Sep-09 23:59:15

Thanks, MrsMerryHenry; I'm older and wiser now smile. Help is out there -- it amazed me at the start of my (continuing) journey to recovery that people believed me, that they had seen it all before, and that there is life after divorce, even if it's slow getting off the ground.

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