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Please help/advise me, im 4 months pregnant, and my partner physically attacked me last week, the police were called, and i last night threw him out......

(14 Posts)
QueenofVenus Wed 02-Sep-09 08:02:47

Has he any rights to this baby? Can i cut him out my life? Im so scared of him? I just dont know what to do sad

posieparker Wed 02-Sep-09 08:04:53

Phone women's aid, they'll be able to answer all of your questions.

lilacclaire Wed 02-Sep-09 08:07:12

He needs his name on the birth certificate to have any rights.
You can only put his name on with him being there.
So, no, he won't have any rights unless you take him along to register the birth.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Wed 02-Sep-09 08:08:28

Poor you. Take care of yourself. Stay strong and don't let him back in your life - he endangered your (and his) child last week, not just you. Agree, speak to womens' aid asap, they will be kind and helpful and supportive.
It is not your fault, you are doing the right thing.

Overmydeadbody Wed 02-Sep-09 08:10:47

lila I don't think that is applicable any more.

I could be wrong but I think the father has PR even if his name is not on the birth certificate these days.

QueenofVenus you can still cut him out of your life, inasmuch as you can arrange to never have to see him or deal with him and have all visits by him done through an intermediary with all visits taking place somewhere safe where he is never alone with the child (provided there is proof he poses as a threat on his own).

Call women's Aid.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Wed 02-Sep-09 08:17:55

I really don't think you are right. The father must be named to get PR. I think he can apply for PR later but that involves DNA tests etc. and I think the mother would have to consent.

How could a man have PR if they aren't on the birth certificate? If they aren't married, and he's not officially named as the father, there is nothing to say he is the father so couldn't have PR.

Married couples are automatically assumed to be the parents, btw.

QueenofVenus Wed 02-Sep-09 08:24:37

He told me the night before last that if i ever leave him he would make my life a living hell! I have 3 small children to a prev rel, and they are all very upset by what happened, i have to do what is best for them, for all of them. He called the police last night after i threw him out, and he accused me of stealing £300 of him!!!!! I have not touched ANY of his money, i explained this to the police, they were very nice, and said obviously there was little they could do to prove either way, and they would advise him to leave (as he was sat in the car outside the house at this point), he did leave, and an hour later he sent me a txt saying "i love you, and im here if you want to talk to me"!!!! he is truly mad, im at my wits end, i dont want him ANYWHERE near me or my kids ever ever ever again.

Overmydeadbody Wed 02-Sep-09 08:28:45

kat that is reassuring to know. I don't know why I thought it had changed, maybe I muddled it up and actually it changed to not have PR unless on birth cert?

Queen he is displaying typical abusive behaviour, stick to your gums and have nothgin more to do with him, and definately don't take him back or lean on him emotionally or anything.

QueenofVenus Wed 02-Sep-09 08:59:37

Thanku all for the feedback, im so desperately out of my mind right now, i just need to arm myself with information/knowledge as best i can.

Grandhighpoohba Wed 02-Sep-09 09:13:02

Queen, you are doing the right thing! Second the suggestion to phone womens aid. And make sure that you always contact the police if he continues to harass you, it makes sure there is an official record of his behaviour. If he sends you any abusive or therestening texts, keep them and phone the police, its an offence under the telecomunications Act, and easy for the police to prove if you keep the texts.

Overmydeadbody, you are right, the law did change a few years ago, previously, only married fathers got automatic parental rights, they changed the law so that fathers on the birth cert get them. Its not retrospective tho, so if DC's were born before the law change, an unmarried father gets no rights, unless the mother legally grants them to him, the Courts give him them, or he subsequently marries the mother.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Wed 02-Sep-09 09:20:06

unmarried fathers couldn;t have PR at all, until a few years ago, when they can have it if they attend the registration of the child and go on the birth cert.

macdoodle Wed 02-Sep-09 10:08:04

Talk to Womans Aid - I didnt for a long time - through embaressement, through "its not bad enough", through "I can deal with it",through "what can they do" etc etc - when i finally did I cannot sing their praises enough - wonderful people, supportive practical helpful, help for DD1 - marvellous - CALL them!!
I am just about to start their Freedom Programme to get my stupid XH out of my HEAD forever - good luck!

Snorbs Wed 02-Sep-09 15:35:09

Kat, that's not correct - prior to Dec 2003 unmarried fathers could get PR either by mutual agreement with the mother and the filing of a Parental Responsibility Agreement, or by applying to court for a Parental Responsibility Order. After that date then it's as Grandhighpoohba says.

QueenofVenus, as others here have said your best first port of call is Women's Aid. Your ex will get PR if he's named on the birth certificate or, if not, he later applies to court for a Parental Responsibility Order. But that's not something you have to worry about right now. Right now your priority is your well-being and that of your children. Take care.

mathanxiety Wed 02-Sep-09 16:14:24

Ignore all the texts but keep them. He will blow hot and cold for a long time. Don't communicate back with him. And go to Womens Aid please. They are great.

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